IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE MUSIC. IT'S TIME TO LIGHT THE LIGHTS.
Ok... this might be the funniest of funny things, and I fully acknowledge that it might only be funny to me, but I have two words for you. Muppet. Blowjob. Because, think about it... It's not like their mouths are really contoured in any way. And they aren't exactly fluid or smooth in their movement. I mean, seriously... they have to jump up in the air a bit before they fall down. Anyway... I present... Muppet Blowjobs! (Complete Safe For Work. I swear!)
I posted this @ 5/30/2007 10:19:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
BOW WOW WOW YIPPIE YO YIPPIE YAY
We have two 'walls' at work. One of them is called the Wall of Pets. Since most of my coworkers have pets, everyone put up photos of their animals. I currently don't have any pets, but I wanted to put up a few pictures of pets that I would like. At the time, I had a (fake) bulldog named Heff and a (faux) french bulldog named Riblet.
The other day Mark and I were torturing ourselves by visiting the humane society (again) and then decided to kick it up a notch and went to the pet store to see puppies and kitties. That is where we met this little guy.
He looks exactly like the photo of Riblet that I have on the Wall of Pets. He is also the reason I'm not allowed in pet stores. How could I not take him home? Well, money, that's why at this point... But yeah. He's adorable!
We also found a sweet ragdoll kittie that just could not get enough of us. I'm sure they are trained to turn on the cute when people come in. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your viewpoint) he was already sold.
I posted this @ 5/30/2007 09:33:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
I WHO HAVE NOTHING
So adorkable Jordin Sparks wins American Idol. The girl can't even have a moments peace. She won American Idol and she is still being judged. A spokesperson for the National Action Against Obesity, and apparently the royal heir to the Throne of Thinsylvania, MeMe Roth spoke about how allegedly fat Jordin is. "She's going to have to lose that weight." Going on to talk about the "sway the up-and-coming pop stars have on American children."
What. The. Fuck.
Seriously...
This is exactly the reason why I can't stand magazines like Cosmo and the male equivalent (Men's Health?), because of the message I believe they send about how people should look. God forbid someone who isn't two dimensional have a career and be successful. Someone might look up to them. Who knows what might happen if people stop buying into the bullshit about the only way to really be anybody is if your thin and 'beautiful'. As a good friend of mine is prone to say, fuck that noise.
America Ferrera, Ugly Betty star, wrote and starred in the movie Real Women Have Curves. And it's true! Not just for women, but men to (well not so much the curvy part, but you get the idea). The idea is that not everyone has or ever will have a waifish figure, and it's ok. There is a BIG difference between being healthy and being skinny. According to my height, my ideal weight is 175 pounds. I weighed that once... and I looked emaciated. What was so healthy about looking malnourished?
If you are unhappy with your body and/or how much you weigh and you want to lose weight, that's ok. Do it for health reasons. Do it for your esteem. Don't do it because you think the only way anyone is going to like you is if you are thin. Or because you think someone else wants you to be thin. Or because you're so caught up in the hype of what the media tells us we should look like and be like that you have no choice to starve yourself.
I posted this @ 5/30/2007 07:57:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
5/29/2007
FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD
Perhaps I'm being a bit oversensitive about this article, but I do find it slightly insulting to a man's intelligence.
It starts off that way. Insinuating that a man can't handle walking into a grocery store without being on the verge of a mental breakdown.
I've done my own shopping since I've been on my own. My biggest issue with shopping is walking into a grocery store that I am not familiar with. Getting acclimated to a new store. Do I take my time to look? Sure. If I'm in a hurry do I ask for assistance? I'm not opposed to it.
One point they bring up is that when asked by checkout clerks if they found everything, men will typically answer yes even if that is not the case. Here is how I see it. Asking such a question is obligatory and insincere. Even at the grocery store that I shop at the most and with the friendlier staff there it is still obligatory. I'm sure they occasionally get someone who will respond with a heart-felt 'no' and ask where the canned artichokes are. But, I bet it's rare.
I think more people just nod and say yes because they don't want to slow the line. With check cards being used more and more frequently you hardly see anyone use cash, and even rarer a check. To ask a question will cause sighs of frustration from the line. Now, some may not care about that. You're a paying customer just like they are. My guess is that more people are on the Don't Slow The Line bandwagon.
The article goes on to talk about attracting the male grocery shopper. Since guys tend to shop for convenience over price. So stores are looking to see how they can meet the needs of the male shopper.Personally, I'm a mix of both. I like to cook. I don't mind grocery shopping, but I'm also probably atypical from their results.
I didn't see an age listed on the study. They mention men who marry later in life and the rise in households where both husband and wife work. I didn't see a mention of men shopping for themselves.
They talk briefly about men foregoing buying an item rather than substituting something else. Once again, I'm not the best example, but I can substitute something on the fly. Can't find the minced garlic? Go buy some real garlic and mince it yourself.
Overall, I don't think they give my generation of male shoppers enough credit.
I posted this @ 5/29/2007 08:34:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
5/22/2007
FASHION NUGGET*
*Because it's written by Cake. Get it? Huh. HUH!?
Now for most people, taking a store bought box of cake mix and producing a dessert with it is nothing major. For me, it's fucking magic. I don't bake. I've always subscirbed to the Rachel Ray school of baking. Baking is too precise. Cooking is more free spirited. Baking is a haiku. Cooking is free verse.
Mark's birthday was about a month ago, but I'm just now uploading this photo. His cake of choice? A Jell-o Cake. So not only did I have to make a cake. I had to make Jell-o. I'm serious. Have me make Chicken Cordon Bleu I can do. A Jell-o cake? Shit... But it turned out perfect according to him. I'm glad he liked it. I'm perfectly ok with him lying to me about my baking skills. It's a fair trade.
I posted this @ 5/22/2007 04:28:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
JOHNNY, ARE YOU QUEER?
60 Minutes tackles the big questions. Can you tell if someone is gay by the way they move or speak? How young can you predict sexual orientation? Is there a gay or straight way of speaking? Can you create gay rats?
UPDATE: I understand that some of you may not have the time to watch the entire video. (Or the patience, because 60 Minutes decides to break up the video in 2-minute segments.) Here are a few thoughts about what was reported.
In looking at two sets of twins, where one identified with more feminine traits, there were obvious superficial differences. The boys were asked how they would describe themselves to someone they'd never met. The boy who had been identified as Childhood Gender Non-Conformity (typically these children grow up to be gay) said he would describe himself as a girl. Pink bedroom. Painted nails.
In a set of experiments done at Northwestern University, people were interviewed on camera and asked to say the same phrase. Their images wer rendered and outlined in black and white. Volunteers were then asked to identify which participants they thought were gay or straight based on mannerisms and speech. It wasn't 100% conclusive, but on average people were able to pick out who was gay or straight.
This type of research is controversial because it is said that it's just reinforcing the stereotypes. I personally think this is true and here's why. I have terrible gaydar. This isn't to say that I don't try to make calls, but I'm typically wrong. I have known several straight guys who have feminine mannerisms who are quite straight. Conversly, I know some gay men who you would never guess were gay by looking at them or interacting with them. They give off a masculine vibe. So the typical 'clues' one might perceive aren't infallible. I think the idea that you can tell based on certain stereotype isn't always the case. But promoting the idea that gay men are catty queens and lesbians are rough-necked bad-asses seems like the easiest way lump people together. All gays act like this... All lesbians act like this...
Along the same lines, I've known some guys who 'queen it up' when they are around other gay men. Yet, when you get them one-on-one they are totally different. As if it was all a show. Why bother with the show to begin with?
Back to 60 Minutes. A scientist claims he can make a lusty rat go for the guys by injecting him with hormones. This leads in to the topic of hormones that are present in the womb. The idea that sexuality might be determined during pregnancy. An interesting theory mentioned later on is that the more older brothers a boy has the more likely that he will be gay. The theory being that perhaps a mother's body treats the pregnancy as a foreign body, thus producing various levels of hormones, not present otherwise. Also adding that it's predictable in right handed boys, but not the case with left handed boys. Also, the same idea can not be applied to girls.
No matter where you fall in the spectrum of believing Nature vs. Nurture, it's an interesting report. Nothing conclusive, but interesting speculation just the same.
I posted this @ 5/22/2007 06:48:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
5/21/2007
I LOST ON JEOPARDY, BABY
I didn't come up with this, so I can't take credit. But it was too funny not to pass along.
"Can you believe nobody watched National Bingo Night? What show about a leisure activity should the networks try next?
Are You Smarter Than A Dungeon Master? Wii Will, Wii Will Rock You America's Got Four Square Tiddlywinks: The Television Show America's Next Top Shuffleboard Player Pimp My 9-Iron National Mahjong Night Bridge! Bridge! Bridge! My Super Sweet Sixteen-Pound Bowling Ball My Mother, The Go-Kart"
I posted this @ 5/21/2007 07:59:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
5/14/2007
THE DEAD BEAT CLUB
So I just had a brush with 'death'. As in, the grim reaper was shopping at HyVee. Someone in full repear garb just shopping like regular people. And here I thought Omaha was dull.
Not exactly the 'helpful smile in every aisle' that I expected.
I posted this @ 5/14/2007 12:00:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
5/11/2007
WORKING IN A COALMINE
WARNING: World of Warcraft Geekery Ahead
I think I need to lay off of WoW. After trying to level up the mining ability of my character over the past few days... I had a dream of chasing little yellow blips around a map. I need help. :P
I posted this @ 5/11/2007 12:54:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
SHE BOP
May contain a few very mild spoilers if you care about American Idol, Lost, Survivor, or Grey's Anatomy.
American Idol: I don't think it is any surprise to most people who the final four were. While it might have been hit or miss for some people, and some people went home before their time. I've been instructed to mention that Mark called this final three LONG ago. There have been discussions with other AI fans about who deserves to win vs. who should win vs. who is most talented. It's an interesting debate.
My prediction: Blake will go home next, unless he pulls out some amazing songs out of his ass next week. Melinda and Jordin will be the final two. Melinda might win because she has the talent. Jordin might win because she would benefit from it more, in my opinion. Not that winning is the only way to start a career. Look at Jennifer Hudson or Chris Daughtry. I think for Jordin's age this will be the best stepping stone for her. Melinda will obviously put out an album regardless.
Pink performed. Barry Gibb did as well. Pink was good. Barry Gibb was not. Did he have a stroke or did something medically happen to him? I guess Pink was to perform her song U + Ur Hand. She was asked by producers to either change the lyrics for the show or sing a different song. She sang a different song. And didn't look thrilled about it. Plus she was wearing some sort of Mila Jovavich-ian Fifth Element bandage 'dress' that looked odd on her.
Paula seemed as loopy as ever and I'm pretty sure was soliciting Jessica Alba at one point. Ryan cracked a joke about Paula having "more to work with" as she puffed out her chest in homage to Simon. For those of you keeping score at home. Masturbatory Songs: 0. Boob Jokes: 1.
Lost: This show has been pissing me off for a while now. I still love it. Yet, the answers are only sprouting more questions. It's an enigmatic hydra. They might be dead. There may be ghosts. Locke may be even deader. I can't tell if Juliette is good or bad. She is not really happy with The Others and she does want off the island. But she seems like she is playing both camps for fools. She knows way more than she is telling anyone. Publicly telling anyone that is. Who knows what might happen in the remaining episodes of the season. Oh... and Lost is canceled. At least it will be in the 2009-10 season. They've set and end date for the show which I think will help them keep story arcs in check and maybe get some answers resolved in a timely manner so the show doesn't go all Twin Peaks on everyone and leave you wondering (more than it already has).
Survivor: In one of the most intellectual games ever played the resident 'old guy', Yauman, is quite the threat in the game. Not only is he playing smart, but for a guy who can't weigh more than 65 pounds wet, he's holding his own. A lot of the challenges lately have been balance or brains related. Brute strength really hasn't been a factor. They tried to off him this week, but he was smart enough to pick up on the clues that he had a target on his back and saved himself just in time. If he makes it to the finals I think he has the best shot to win. He has not back-stabbed or upset many of the other players who will eventually vote for/against him. He's played a great strategy game. He's been surprisingly good at the challenges.
In Survivor the meek typically do inherit the earth, so to speak. Physicality is seen as an immediate threat so the weaker players gang up to vote off the strong. Thus leaving physically weaker, but usually craftier players in the finals. This season is no exception.
Grey's Anatomy: No show has the ability to make me tear up like this show does. Meredith Grey looses her mother. Reconnects with her father and gains a step-mother. Loses her step-mother and pisses of her father. Oh!? And her boyfriend might have hit on her sister. Oops! Gay little T.R. Knight (George) and Broadway Biglungs Sara Ramirez make a cute on screen couple. Too bad George had to play doctor with his best friend, Izzie. D'oh! Way to go, George. Addison decides she wants a baby... NOW!! But she only has two prehistoric eggs rattling around inside her collecting dust. Suddenly, she is surrounded by pregnant friends. Bet she's glad she became and OB-Gyn. Irony anyone? Get it while it's hot.
This weeks tear jerker for me was the scenes involving barkeep and doctor-hangout proprietor, Joe and his boyfriend Walter deciding they wanted to adopt. They turn to Addison to do an exam on the Baby Momma. Poor Addison. She really has become a sympathetic character on the show even tho she started out as an antagonist.
I posted this @ 5/11/2007 08:41:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
5/10/2007
EVEN IF WE'RE JUST DANCING IN THE DARK
Nothing like one of the few days you have to be up super early also be the same day that the power goes out. Hurray for massive bevegage comsumption before bed and a cell phone alarm. A nice shower by pine-scented candle light to get the morning started. Like Mike said, under different circumstances that would be relaxing.
I posted this @ 5/10/2007 10:13:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
5/07/2007
FEELIN' HOT HOT HOT
I have to share this recipe. Because I love to cook and this recipe rocks! It couldn't be easier, unless it came in a can. But this is SO much better than canned soup. It's made from stuff that most people have if you do a fair amount of cooking at home. I only had to buy the cannellini beans. It makes a great sandwich dippin' 'sauce' too.
3 tablespoons olive oil 2 carrots, peeled and chopped 1 small onion, chopped 1 clove garlic, minced 1 (26-ounce) jar marinara sauce 2 (14-ounce) cans chicken broth 1 (15-ounce) can cannellini beans, drained and rinsed 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes 1/2 cup pastina pasta (or any small pasta) 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Warm the olive oil in a large soup pot over medium-high heat. Add the carrots, onion, and garlic and saute until soft, about 2 minutes. Add the jar of marinara sauce, chicken broth, cannellini beans, red pepper flakes, pasta, salt and pepper. Simmer for 10 minutes. Ladle into bowls and serve.
I posted this @ 5/07/2007 04:47:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
SORRY I'M NOT HOME RIGHT NOW. I'M WALKING INTO SPIDERWEBS
So let's just get this out of the way. Mark and I watched Spider Man 3. I'll put the meatier details behind the cut. I did want to mention a few things.
There were a LOT of kids at Spider Man. Like young kids... I personally don't think it is a particularly scary movie. There are some moments that the black Spidey suit (Venom, right Mike?) is a bit fierce looking. Yet those moments are few and far between. But still, probably not suited for a young kid just because he might be a Spider Man fan. Like the kids who spent a good portion of the movie randomly kicking the back of our seats, despite his mother's admonishments.
Angie, don't let your little Evil Genius go see Spider Man. She'll only get ideas.
NEW YORK - Isaiah Washington, who came under fire after using an anti-gay slur, will appear in a public service announcement on behalf of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network.
I posted this @ 5/02/2007 02:42:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
MAKE A LITTLE BIRDHOUSE IN YOUR SOUL
Your Dominant Intelligence is Musical Intelligence
Every part of your life has a beat, and you're often tapping your fingers or toes. You enjoy sounds of all types, but you also find sound can distract you at the wrong time. You are probably a gifted musician of some sort - even if you haven't realized it. Also a music lover, you tend to appreciate artists of all kinds.
You would make a great musician, disc jockey, singer, or composer.
I posted this @ 5/02/2007 01:46:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
5/01/2007
AAAAAAAAA!! PUSSY CONTROL.... OH!!
I believe it has been questioned whether or not I like pets. The fact of the matter is while I consider myself a dog person I am not diametrically opposed to cats. I've had a cat before. A kitten to be more precise. It didn't work out, but I took the kitten in at the time.
Not as an act to prove anything, but I recently made a trip to the humane society. First of all... whoever the larger-than-lifesize image is in foyer... it looks like a young(er, but still old) Estelle Getty. It's frightening. It makes me want to get a dog to scare off the evil emanating from the image.
The way the cat cages are set up is to have four walls in the center of the room that have an exam room in the middle. The cat-filled cage-walls are in the open. The fourth cage-wall is enclosed behind a couple doors that lead to a cat-play area where a half dozen cats were allowed to roam free and be petted (if they let you pet them).
What we noticed was that this fourth wall was filled with most likely were the special ed cats. One fluffier cat had been shaved (we guessed due to mange) and only left with a fluffy head and Ugg boots. As she slept her tongue hung out in a taco shape. It was hilarious, but endearing. She was named Sparkle and had been given up. Apparently someone wasn't fully dedicated to Sparklemotion. Another cat was skittish. Which I would presume is not atypical cat behavior, but this cat looked like it was jonesing for it's next hit. This would be the type of cat that I would end up with attached to my self as it tried to claw at my gooey innards.
In the petting room most of the cats couldn't care less. There was an all white one which seemed to like me well enough. But I'm sure it was just a show. Another cat, all black, was aloof in a corner perch. It had the loudest heaviest purr I'd ever heard. I'm pretty sure it had swallowed a cell phone on vibrate. Someone was trying to call it.
As we walked by the cats, one was named Gerr (which we took to calling Grr). This cat had personality. seemingly very sociable. I'd venture to say he was our favorite, tied with Sparkle whom I took to calling Aughra.
There was a lady looking at cats in the area who could overheard saying that she only likes pretty cats. This was said as she looked at another shaved cat. This lady was judged a bitch. Not only because of her tone, but because of her attitude. If the only reason you want a pet is because of it's looks... that to me is the wrong reason.
In Dog Alley, the scene was a little more 'generic'. I say it like that because 90% of the dogs were black labs or had black lab in them. I've been told that that dog is abandoned a lot because people will get them as pets and not be prepared for how active they are. Which is sad. There was one HUGE Great Dane that was mixed with something to give him a grey/white spotted appearance. He literally was up to my chest. Had he been not as frail looking, I probably could've rode him around like a horse.
At a local pet store, there were more puppies on display than anything. A Daschund with one blue/one brown stood out. I've always been fond of the Boston Terriers or the French Bulldogs. There were a couple of those on display. There were a couple chihuahuas which have always seemed like great pets. Dare I say they might be a little cliche? Still puppies are adorable.
I don't say I'll never had a pet. If I do it would certainly be from someplace were they can be rescued.
I posted this @ 5/01/2007 01:48:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
'CAUSE IT'S A THRILLER, THRILLER NIGHT
While I think it is pretty typical to do a weekend recap... I'm going to do a weekend recap. SURPRISE!!
A lot of this centered around the BF's BD.
Hot Fuzz!! Go see this movie!! Did you see Shaun of the Dead? Go see that movie!!
I wasn't expecting the turn the movie took at all. Having come off Shaun of the Dead I expected the quirky British humor and oddball characters. I won't spoil the movie, but I will say that surprised by the climax. I know police partners are close, but there were a couple moments where Mark and I both wondered why Nicholas (Simon Pegg) and Danny (Nick Frost) just didn't kiss and get it over with. The movie starts off kind of slow before the main plot really kicks in. Clocking in at a hair over two hours, once shit hits the fan it's all action from then on. Good times kids. Definitely a movie I will buy.
The birthday dinner was celebrated at Carraba's with one of the nicest, perky, quirky waitresses I've ever had. She was fun without being obnoxious. She was friendly in a very sincere way. Amy rocked! We love you, Amy!! And we told her so. It was amusing at first as she explained the specials to us. It was a steak, and lest you think that Italians aren't known for steaks, "...they are. My Dad is a butcher so I know about steaks." Later she told us about how she had been playing tennis earlier and her arms were tired. But her legs were more tired because she isn't very good at tennis. So there was a lot of chasing/fetching the ball. Which might sound like whining, but it was in a total fun conversational way. Our drinks were never empty. Hell, she even gave us the recipe for their dipping herbage.
If you're curious... Fresh garlic, granulated garlic, kosher salt, black pepper, rosemary, oregano, basil, crushed red pepper, and parsley. Then add fruity evoo.
Ok... Have you seen Flava Of Love: Charm School. Don Imus would love these girls. It's a train wreck.
I posted this @ 5/01/2007 11:31:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
I'm a 30-something student of human nature. A music-lovin', groove-shakin', laugh-inducin', dish-cookin', gossip-slingin', type of guy. This is my diary of sorts...
