| 10/08/2009 |
Top Chef 5.3 - You Don't Win Friends With Salad (SPOILERS)
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Jennifer is pissed about the last challenge and she's used to being in the top. I had to rewind this part a couple times... I thought I misunderstood what she was saying about being "a top". Because I'm sure she has emasculated a few men in her time. (First paragraph in to the recap and we're already pushing blue!!)
Laurine feels intimidated by some of the other chefs. She took some time off before really focusing on being a chef. She needs to concentrate and do the best she can do. I kind of feel bad for Laurine. She doesn't seem to have the hunger for winning like some of the cheftestans do. No pun intended.
Jesse is tired of being in the bottom. Then, I have a tip for you Jesse. Cook better food! Just a suggestion. Quitting telling us what you should've done and do it in the first place. My feeling on Jesse is that she may be a good cook, but isn't a good enough chef to think on her feet in the heat of the moment. "Shoulda" will only get you so far.
Mike I is a dude. He is quickly becoming 'That Guy'. We all know a That Guy... He's the one that makes slightly inappropriate jokes that lean more towards uncomfortable than funny. He'll piss someone off and then complain that they are sissies because they can't take a joke.
Mark Peel is the guest judge for this episode. You might remember him from the recent Top Chef: Masters series that Bravo did as a filler this summer. For their challenge will be working with every kind of potato imaginable to make the best dish they can. Get it? Potatoes? (Mark) Peel? Eh? EH!? Ooooh, Top Chef, you're such a card. You keep my in stitches with your subtle humor. I wonder what challenge designer about messed himself when he came up with this idea because he thought it was the funniest thing ever.
Padma says go and the chefs are off!!
My first thought was to make gnocchi, but in 45min? For me it takes way longer than that. Chop and boil off the taters. Sufficiently mash them so they are smooth and not lumpy at all. Plus cool them off enough that you can add eggs and flour to make a dough. PLUS make whatever other elements of your dish to go along with the gnocchi... not in 45 minutes.
Ron related how he feels about food to Bob Marley and music. Food. Peace. Love. Ron "Marley", ladies and gents. He's not just an immigrant chef. He's also a philosopher.
Jesse goes for a play on flavors mixing sweet and spicy. She whips together a sweet potato soup that has enough cayenne to burst into flames on it's own. She know it is REALLY spicy. She knows she should've been lighter on the cayenne.
Mike That Guy goes for a potato risotto. He talks down to us about what risotto is. I'm tired of him talking to people like those watching are dumb. Even if you don't know what something is that the chefs are making or working with... let Bravo's title cards explain to us what your dish is rather than beating us over the head with it you big goomba.
Ashley is going to attempt potato gnocchi in 45 minutes. If you can do it... go for it!! Not only that, but she is whipping together a homemade ricotta to go with her dish. Kind of like in the last challenge where she did two dishes instead of just one. I think Ashley has ambition, but probably is biting off more than she can chew sometimes. Her work suffers as a result. We'll see how far she gets before that is her undoing.
SCANDAL!!! Kevin let's Pretty use his pot of water for blanching her asparagus. She steps away to get other elements of her dish ready and when she returns Kevin's water is gone and Ashley has a pot of water boiling for the gnocchi she is going to make. She mistakes Ashley's pot for Kevin's and tosses asparagus in it. Ashley FREAKS!! I don't know how long the asparagus were in the water, but I know that green veggies can tint and flavor the water pretty easily. The water gets dumped out (by Pretty?) and Ashley freaks out even more! There is only 13 minutes left to boil water and then boil the gnocchi. Jennifer chimes in that she would've been PISSED and not as calm as Ashley. Really!? Holy crap! I can't even imagine what it must be like to work in Jennifer's kitchen. She rules with an iron fist.
I can't really feel like I can side with Ashley on this one. Pretty clearly didn't mean it as sabotage or even to do anything wrong. It was an honest mistake from the way we see it play out. It sucks... of course! But if Ashley is concerned about timing maybe she shouldn't have tried to make gnocchi in 45 minutes.
Jennifer is putting together a dish of steamed mussels, Yukon gold and blue potatoes, in a lemongrass potato sauce.
Ash is wanting to make a sweet potato ice cream. He's having trouble with the ice cream setting up. It's not coming together at all. What he does that a lot of chefs don't seem to do on this show is something so simple it amazes me that it doesn't happen more. He CALLS HIS DISH SOMETHING ELSE!!! He doesn't claim it to be ice cream when it's clearly not! He's made a chilled sweet potato custard with toasted pecans.
If I said lasagna most people could conjure an image of what a piece of lasagna looks like. A cheesy, meaty, saucy, brick of noodles... layered to make one of the best things on the planet. But if you meddle with too many of the key elements that make lasagna 'lasagna' then you need to call it something else. Ash takes this cue to NOT call his dish an ice cream. Usually this comes up in the Elimination Challenges where the chefs are spending hours making dishes and not JUST a hour. Which makes me wonder how far in advance they have to tell some one in production what they are making so the judges know, or in case menus need to be printed up.
Eli has created sweet potatoes with a whipped maple syrup topping. An homage to Southern cooking's sweet potatoes with marshmallows. He doesn't think he'd be in the bottom with this dish. When he says this you know he's just asking for it. Hear that? It's the sound of the Anvil Of Irony getting close.
Mark picks his top dishes. He liked Jennifer's dish, good combo of flavor texture color. Ash's dish has nice flavor and is well seasoned. Ash can barely stop from laughing out loud because of how close to disaster he was. He can't even look up to face anyone, he's holding it in so much. They like Ashley's dish. Going on to say that the mushrooms go really well with the gnocchi.
On the losing end... Eli's dish was too sweet. I'm not a chef and I could've told them that. I grew up hating sweet potatoes because the only time we had them was the typical holiday dish where it was COVERED in marshmallows. For all the big flavor Ron talks of his dish of sweet potato crusted yellowtail with fennel and leek stew, it was bland. Jesse... too much cayenne. "BALLS!!" Oh Jesse... they're just looking to send you home. Seriously, you're going to make it too easy for them one of these days.
Chef Mark talks about the winning dish and uses the word UMAMI!? When did this take over the world? I know I watch a lot of food related programming, but suddenly umami (what the Japanese call savory) is being tossed around in conversation like it's something we've known all along. I thought this was just a marketing gimmick. This is a real thing people. Have we evolved as humans and developed a new taste bud sense? WOOT!! We couldn't evolve something more useful? A better tongue is what we get?
And the winner is.... Jennifer!!
Mike That Guy claims favoritism? What?! Because Jennifer wins? WTH? Someone has some inadequacy issues with being beat by a woman. My prediction is That Guy and Jennifer will get into at some point. They'll whip it out to see who's bigger and Mike will lose, call foul, and just say it was a joke.
Elimination Challenge.
Col. Dave Belote of the Air Force explains what the challenge will be. Padma adds they won't know what they will be cooking or where. They'll just have to find out the next day. First they toss potatoes at the cheftestants and now they work in a military kitchen. Oh I get the theme now... Because you might be punished in the military by working in the kitchen peeling potatoes. Wow, they just keep it up with the theme don't they? Are they going to go through boot camp next? If so, there are a few chefs who I don't think will make it. I'm looking at you Frenchy.
Let's have a moment here, you and I. Sit... Please. Ok... so, Ashley has an issue with cooking for a wedding party because same sex couples aren't allowed "in that institution". But not for the military where it's still Don't Ask Don't Tell? Hrm... Methink thou dost protest not enough. Granted we can always say that they just decided not to show it if she did voice such an opinion. But I doubt that Bravo would shy away from such a thing. Though, even thinking deeper on this. I suppose showing Ashley's thought on marriage would be pro-marriage equality and showing her (presumed) thoughts on gays in the military would be anti-military. So I can see a difference. But I digress...
They are notified they will be working as a single team. But they decide they still need a leader and they also decide to break up into teams of two to make dishes. This seems to be a heavy handed point so you know something is coming. That Guy suggests Jennifer be the team leader since she has immunity from the Quickfire Challenge. She's fine with that since that's what she does in her regular job.
He also the one that suggests forming teams... Really? Why? Padma seemed pretty clear on it was everyone on ONE team. I'd take that to mean, you're working together to create a dish and serve it and you're responsible for your one dish. But as part of a team it needed to be cohesive with the other dishes that were served. A part of the whole, if you will.
Pretty & Laurine team up because they are both from San Fran. Kevin & Eli form a "fat kid bond". Mike V would think it's obvious to work with his brother Bryan, but he teams up with Mike That Guy. They've worked in the same kitchens in the past so they have history. Bryan & Mattin are paired off. Jesse & 'Ector and Robin & Ron round out the pairs. Jennifer is the Executive Chef for the day.
They have no idea what the kitchen will have for ingredient. The military kitchen has no burners, no pots, no blenders, and canned food. Mattin doesn't feel confident using cans. It's Ash's Worst Fears kitchen. Kevin's cooked in military kitchen's from ROTC experience. So he's ok...
Now here is where I show my culinary ignorance. I have an electric stove and I call it a burner. So in the really chefery world... is a burner a gas stove only? I'm guessing so, because I don't see any caveman fires started so they can prepare their meal. Wouldn't that be a great challenge? Cook in the style of Fred Flintstone. Using small pterodactyls for can openers. Then using that same pterodactyl IN the dish... AWESOME!! Then we can see Kevin and Eli dressed as Fred and Barney.
The military folks and Judges arrive. Did Padma just flash her hoohah to that military valet? Was that her own personal salute? Close your legs Britney, you're on camera.
Buffet service begins...
The title card labels the first dish as made by Brother Mike and That Guy for this dish. I take issue, but we'll get to that in a bit. They make a Greek salad with cucumbers, chickpeas, olives and olive oil poached shrimp. I could make this dish. I HAVE made this dish... I'm not impressed.
Pretty & Laurine put together a pasta salad with broccoli, peppers, sun dried tomatoes, and artichokes. Laurine wanted a vegetarian dish and worried about the cooking space she had. I could make this dish..I HA-... well you get the point.
Ron & Jesse made a New England style clam chowder with roasted corn. Seems like a great idea in the Nevada desert. Who wouldn't crawl straight out of the sandy wasteland and NOT crave clam chowder. I'm in!
Robin & 'Ector are serving a three been chili with roasted chicken, with celery garnish. Again... it's not sweltering enough?
I talked with a couple people about spicy hot versus heat hot. Chili vs. Chowder. While I've made chili on warmer days this last summer, it was more because I was craving it and not because I wanted it to warm me up. But would I serve it in mass quantities? No...
Kevin & Eli present a Georgia style braised pork with potato salad. This is really standard picnic food, but I would still love to try it coming from a real chef and not just a home cook. Plus Kevin's family has BBQ Competition experience so you know his pork is going to be top notch. Kevin sells their dish really well. He has a knack for really bringing his food with a story.
Brother Mike & That Guy are also serving up a braised pork belly with a soy mustard sauce and peanuts. Served in romaine leaves, to be eaten like a taco. Hrm... a bacon taco? Count me in!
Brother Bryan & Mattin - Roasted beef New York strip loin with a mushroom demi-glace and cauliflower gratin.
Sidenote: Heat Lamps are not good lights for Gail... WOW! She looked like the devil!!
Ash & Ashley bring a chocolate bread pudding with a peanut butter sauce.
Jennifer is my new favorite person this season. She will cut you. For someone who is a confessed bitch, thank goodness she has the chops to back it up and the balls to get up in someone's face and be fair and just in her words. She'll make someone cry before this is all over. My vote is That Guy.
Ash, Ashley, and Jennifer are the serving lines bitches. They will be filling anything they need to do for each line.
Pretty & Laurine are nervous about their pasta salad, as they should be. Jesse also wanted to make someone cooler, but they didn't have the right equipment.
The judges are amazed and LOVE the pork shoulder from Kevin & Eli. Chef Mark likens the potato salad to his Aunt's who apparently was famous for her's. Turning to team Brother Mike & That Guy, they can't get enough of the prok belly (i.e. bacon). DELICIOUS. But the Greek salad That Guy put out was not good. No acid. No salt. The shrimp was underdone.
Ok... here is my beef!! It's called a 'team' challenge, but it's all ONE team. I think pairing off just means they get out of cooking more food. Instead of having 15 items to select from they judges are getting eight. I think that on some level That Guy was trying to shirk some responsibility by suggesting this as an option.
On the flipside... Pretty & Laurine's pasta salad was salty, a half assed job, uninspired, and showed a lack of creativity.
Jennifer didn't cook anything, but they really don't mention that point or that she did a kick ass job running that whole show. I suppose it's a good thing she had immunity. Though this is a cooking show.
"Teams" Eli/Kevin & Mike That Guy/Brother Mike V are called in as the best dishes. They can't rave enough about Brother Mike and his braised pork belly. They touch on That Guy's dish, but it's kind of overshadowed by how much they are creaming themselves over the bacon wrap dish. They love what Kevin and Eli put together. Mark Peel likens it to great home style southern cooking. The winner? Mike V!! Now the brothers are 1 and 1.
For the bottom dishes... they call back Pretty, Laurine, and... That Guy???! He's stunned. He's pissed! He's hot mad! Maybe he needs some chowder or chili to cool down. He basically walks in to the stew room where the other chefs are and then walks right back out to judges table.
As they call out That Guy on his Greek salad he says, "I guess it wasn't a team today." IT WASN'T A TEAM!?!! You were all on the SAME team. But you were all individuals. Supposedly responsible for individual dishes ON said team. Not teams within teams. Laurine she forgot she was in a competition and just wanted to serve those soldiers. Nice sentiment, but you just shot yourself in the foot. Pretty thought it was a good dish. She didn't understand why she was in the bottom. She stands behind her dish as a good dish and questioned if clam chowder on a 90 degree day. Chef Tom snaps back that it was a better version of clam chowder than their version of a pasta salad.
The judges work hard to get Pretty and Laurine to turn on each other, according to Laurine. I can see her point, but I think they also want to know who came up with a dish that didn't work. Someone had to have suggested pasta salad.
That Guy is pissed! He claims he's more pissed at himself, but I don't buy it... He's a bodyguard away from flying across the table at Chef Tom.
But let's have them stew a bit longer. Shall we?
Judge Gail Simmons points out that no one asked them to pair up into teams. They did that on their own. The judges want to know who was responsible for what components. Tom thinks that That Guy just served a "throw away" dish. Adding that Laurine seems embarrassed by her dish, but wishes she'd felt that before she got before the judges. It doesn't seem that Pretty is understanding why her dish was bad.
Who's packing their knives? ...Preeti!! Awww.... She thanks them for the opportunity and leaves. I'm sorry you're gone. You had spirit. You couldn't cook well enough to beat the likes of a piping hot bowl of clam chowder, but you were fun to watch cook. Good luck, little man! I'm sorry I couldn't spell your name right til I felt like looking it up after you were eliminated. |
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I posted this @ 10/08/2009 01:33:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
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