| 3/10/2006 |
ALL THESE THINGS THAT I'VE DONE
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I ate spicy food last night so of course I had a vivid dream.
[cue wispy fog machine and harp music]
I was on a trip. Not really business, but not really pleasure either. I didn't really feel like it was a vacation. My traveling companions were people that I only know from reading their blogs. It's not as though I actually know these people, but after reading someone's blog for a while you do develop an image of what they must be like in your head. That image is the way they were in my dream. Very fun. Very outgoing. Always laughing, because like me, everything goes through a joke filter and the funny is extracted for use in some later situation.
We gathered at (presumably) my house watching TV. There were quite a few people present by this point. People that I actually know and some that, like I said, I only know from what I read about their lives. Some where playing cards, cackling with laughter. Some were crowded around the television playing Karaoke Revolution. Have you heard about it? You sing along to current or recent hits and win according to how well you match up with the song. It's like your own private American Idol.
We boarded an airplane. Destination unknown. I recall being nervous. I'm not afraid to fly, but it's one of those things that the more I think about what I am actually doing, the more nervous I get about it. Because, seriously... Hurtling through the air at a few hundred miles an hour with nothing but aerodynamics holding you up. Any really strong gust of wind moves you around.
Anyway...
So while I was nervous on the flight, I felt there was something else to be nervous about. I'm not exactly sure what. I'm not sure if it was where we going, or maybe the reason we were going to begin with. I just recall feeling apprehensive about what was going down (airplane pun not intended).
[end dream sequence]
I like to look at what is going on in my actual life and see how it might relate to what I was dreaming about. Sometimes this is more difficult than others because I might be too close to the situation to really see what is going on. The whole forest-for-the-trees idea.
I'm searching for a new job which is a story all by itself.
I've been kind of down lately. I would definitely consider myself a dreamer. Too much so, sometimes. I don't think it is a bad thing or something I should change. Just something I should be aware of doing.
I'm missing my friends. I feel that this is something I've been negligent about for a while now. In some situations it is solely my fault. In others it is just a matter of circumstances beyond anyone's control.
When I was younger I didn't really see myself having kids at any certain time in my life. Though, I did see it happening at some point. The thing that stuck with me the most was being able to share the experience with others. Being able to not only feel like a proud father at my son or daughter's firsts and development. But also being able to share that feeling with other fathers. My friends who were also parents...
I've been fortunate enough to have some amazing friends in my life that I stay in contact with. Some I talk to almost daily. Others... less so. But even then there are those times that no matter how long it's been we still connect on that level of friendship that has always been there.
So while I see them grow up, as I do as well, obviously, I see the changes that happen in their lives. Yet when asked about the changes in mine I feel I don't have much to say. So while they cruise along in drive, I feel like I'm sitting there in neutral, trying to find the right gear.
I know that comparing my life to anyone else's is apples and oranges. Yet, there is a certain amount of comparison that I think everyone does. Not in order to see if we are 'keeping up' with anyone else, or to see what we 'should' be doing. More like to gauge how we are doing with what we've chosen to do.
Perhaps I should lay off the spicy cheese for a while. |
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I posted this @ 3/10/2006 08:34:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
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