If I Could Turn Back Time by Cher

or

Christmas Time by The Peanuts Gang & Vince Guaraldi

The holidays are upon us. We are in the midst of what I like to call The Holiday Trifecta. Thanksgiving has passed. Christmas is in a couple days. New Year's Day is right around the corner.

The new year is typically a time when people make resolutions, promises that they really think they should keep, but rarely do. The one time of year when it seems ok to break a promise. Personally, I stopped making serious new years resolutions a couple years ago. If I really want to do something, I'll do it. Making a resolution bolsters no motivation inside of me.
So instead of looking towards the future, I am doing a retrospackle ...I mean a retrospective of 2004!!

Around this time last year, I did make a list of things that I wanted to do in 2004. How is that different from a resolution? Well... think of it as a checklist, a honey-do list of sorts. I had it posted at my desk wall at work. I even took it with me when I was fired. Even tho it was just a scrap of paper, it was important enough to not leave it behind. It wasn't a very serious list. Some things were more affirmations than to-do list items. "Worrying less = more hair" is hardly something I could even put a check mark by and say that I've finished it. This year was definetely not the year to not worry about things, but I did my best. Losing my job, packing and moving, finding a new job all have contributed to campaign against my anti-worrying agenda.

Another list item was to make friends with a midget. I recently wrote about this in a post. Everything is more fun with a midget. Nothing weird or kinky... I'm not like that. I'm just saying that in almost all groups of characters in television shows or movies, the midget is typically the character with the best lines or funniest scenes. Think Mini-Me! I've had people question why I say this. Am I making fun of dwarfs? Nothing of the sort. I don't want a little person around me so I can laugh at them. That's not it at all. I have plenty of other friends that make me laugh in a good way. Don't overthink it... It just something fun and kooky. Anyway... This list item was not accomplished.

I had "Be love and be loved" on the list. The holidays are interesting times for me. I've always been alone on the holidays. That sounds worse than I mean it. In the past I've always been single during the holidays. So that's definetely changed!

While I've never considered myself a procrastinator, I do admit that I do procrastinate on some things. It was on my list to do less of that. Strangely, I never got around to it.

I turned 30 this year. While the age is a milestone, I've never been one to feel that any age is more or less important than any other. I did hold several annual 21st birthday parties, until I was about 25. But that was because 21 was just a cool age. 22 was just as important. It just wasn't as cool. The ages of 22 thru 24 are like the forgotten middle child. The Jan Brady's of the 20s. Always scowling because 25 gets invited to all the cool mixers and functions that 22 doesn't, but not as well liked as 21, because of it's energy and excitment.

When I was 25 I had just recently started a new job at my old place of employment. I was moving into an area of work that I felt I'd found my calling. I had the hang of living on my own without wondering if I'd need to sell blood to make rent. I had questions about myself and my life, but I didn't feel that I was in any hurry to figure them out. I don't feel I went through any "Quarter-life Crisis" during this time. Though, my friends may think differently.

When I was 20 I was still in school. I was dealing with a lot of hurt feelings due to a family crisis. My father had disappeare from his marriage to his second wife. I found out that I was going to have to go to college a year long than I had anticipated. I was working at McDonald's to pay my way. It wasn't a picture perfect situation, but I had plenty of good times with my friends to keep my spirits riding high.

When I was 15 I was just starting high school and scared out of my mind! I was low man on the totem pole again, a Freshman. I lucked out that the kids in the grades ahead of me were usually too out of it to care. It was the end of the 80s. Big hair bands were still ingering. The awkward phase of the Junior High years seemed to be lingering as well. At least my voice stopped cracking. By now I was a big brother. I now had a little brother to look forward to seeing. We didn't live with each other, but the visits were just as special. They still are.

When I was 10 I was in elementary school. I think this is about the time that I met my best friend. It was right around this time anyway... Though, we didn't really hang out together consistently till Junior High, still a couple years away. Fifth Grade was always the fun year. It was the 5th Grade class who made May Baskets to see for the schools, and earned a field trip to the Omaha Henry Doorly Zoo. Good times! My father was still traveling the country in the army. He would soon bring home his second wife.

I started school when I was 5. I remember my kindergarden class. I remember the school. I remember thinking how big everything seemed. I remember embarassing school photos and ugly green sweaters. It was the late 70s and I was 5. What say did I really have in my own style? Too see the school now is rather odd. I've not been in my old elementary school since I moved away. When I drive by it now, it all seems so tiny now. We had these huge glass bubble windows in parts of the school that seemed fantastically large. Now, I'm as tall as those windows.

Where were you over the last 30 years?