| 2/01/2004 |
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I'm A Barbie Girl by Aqua
I actually feel a little dirty just even using that song as a title, but I needed a song doll related.
It is official that my coworkers hate me... Not all of them. Just some of them.
We are having a silent auction at work. People have been bringing in various items. Well someone decided they wanted to get rid of three very life like dolls. I hate dolls. They creep me out...
Everyone knows it... I don't hide the fact. So I KNEW something would be waiting, thus I came prepared with my camera.
Sure enough. What was waiting for me...
...they hate me
Hero by David Bowie
I watched Unbreakable last night. I am a fan of M. Night Shyamalan's movies. Although, Unbrekable wasn't as big of Sixth Sense or Signs, it was still along the same lines of a good intriguing movie. A quick synopsis... former football star David Dunn is the sole survivor of a massive train crash. Stunned by his miraculous survival, he reflects back on his life and realizes he has never broken a bone and has never taken a sick day in his life. David comes to realize his gift through the help of an eccentric comic book collector, Elijah (a.k.a. Mr Glass). David takes up the role of the reluctant hero using his seemingly unbreakable body to help others.
Being a big comic book fan and collector myself I've often thought that if I was to be a super hero, what ability would I want to have?
I say I would want to be telekenetic, move things with my mind. If I was in a fight I could move things around with my mind to fight for me. If I wanted to fly I could use my power to move my own body to fly. Overall I think that would be the most useful power in a pinch.
What superhero ability would you want? Comment away!
Right Here Waiting For You by Ricahrd Marx
Overall, I would say I am a man of good patience. Yet, when I get hungry... stopping to take a photo of me is not the most expedient idea, as Jay recently found out.
Are You Strong Enough To Be My Man by Sheryl Crow
I am going to start working out to get in better shape.
I would love to say that my desire to do so is strictly health reasons, but there is also a bit of vanity in there as well. Something I typically don't let rear it's ugly head too much (although, I find the phrase "vanity... rearing it's ugly head" rather amusing). Basically I would just like to be in better shape. It might be a bit of Spring Fever kicking in. It might be that I'm tired of 'boasting' about my pipe cleaners being able to fit inside guttering. Regardless of the catalyst...
I am going to start working out to get in better shape.
When I first moved to Omaha, I took a job in a group home working with 8 teenage boys. It was easy to maintain my high school and college weight of 165/170 when I was chasing around a house full of angry teens. After my stint there, I went to a lower stress job where I sat around for 8 hours and there was always food available. I quickly put on the pounds and at one point reached a high of 200. I didn't mind the 200 pounds so much as it was it wasn't a good 200 pounds. It was an "I-eat-too-much-and-move-too-little" 200. I started fencing and trying to play tennis when Mike was willing. I lost a little bit, but was still fluctuate around 195. I would occasionally go for a jog, but my overall activity level wasn't the best.
When I was at my peak of fencing I was going 2 sometimes 3 times a week and I was probably feeling as fit as I had ever been. The problem was that because of the building where the club met it was ungodly hot during the summer months. So I had a break from July 4th on till Early September. That left a nice gap where I wasn't fencing. I wasn't doing much fitness-wise.
Then two years ago I started going jogging more. I made a specific effort to go to Lake Zorinsky and walk or run. I liked the scenery. I enjoy the mild interaction with people. I could look like hell and it didn't matter. I'm running around a lake... not Macy's.
Shortly after starting at my current job I was talked into joining 24 Hour Fitness. I was told they had a special rate going. There was one right down the street from me. I figured why not give it a try. I went in one morning after getting off work at 8am (this will be known as Mistake #1, for future conversational reference). By the time I'd left 45 minutes later, I had undergone a financial molesting that I can't even fully recall. Some how I'm sure I'd put one of the owners children through college with the funds that I had forked over. I set up a training schedule with my new personal trainer. I don't recall his name, but I'm pretty sure he had been on American Gladiators at one point. The first day Thunder showed me around the facility and pointed out machines that I, too this day, swear had been once used as medieval torture devices. We talked about what I was hoping to get out of my membership. I gingerly stated my goal of wanting to put on muscle and tone up a bit, while trying not to offend him by saying that I still wanted to be able to fully cross my arms when angry or touch the small of my back if I had an itch. Something that I wasn't sure Thunder was capable of doing without a 'spotter.'
The workouts began. There is nothing more humiliating than being lead around like a chimp from machine to machine and asked to perform feats that I was sure were being video taped at laughed at later at the 24 Hour Fitness Christmas Party. My motivation to go became less and less as 8am in the morning was just not the time I wanted to be working out. I was getting off work. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to go the hell home. I didn't want to lift heavy object. I was a firm believer in the philosophy that if I lifted something and had to make a painful grunting sound when I did, then I should put it down... It wasn't worth lifting. I was glad when my personal trainer sessions wore out and I no longer felt obligated to make up excuses to Thunder as to why I wasn't going to be in to the gym.
This last year I really jogged/ran more than I ever have. I was coming off of a good season of fencing. I wanted to maintain my activity level so I wasn't completely out of shape when I started back up again. I would frequently go to work and jog around the campus. It was quiet. No cars to worry about on the roads. I would occasionally go with a co-worker and that was a great time to talk and hang out. So all in all it was a good stint.
Jay has recently thought about joining 24 Hour Fitness for their pool benefits. While he was gracious enough to ask if I wanted to join as well, I had to turn him down. Consider that I am literally 50 feet away from my apartment fitness center and I am not a big swimmer... paying a membership for pool benefits wasn't something I was willing to do... AGAIN.
Yet, it has got me thinking. I do want to work out. I do want to get in shape. I have no problem doing cardio type activities. So running and cycling shouldn't be much of a strain to motivate myself to do. I've looked up some exercises and workout regimines. I spoke with Zaida about how her and her husband, Jose, workout. I've got some ideas. I have a plan in mind.
I'm going to workout at the apartment fitness center for two weeks. I am going to go every weekday and have the weekends off. I am going to alternate days or muscle workout and cardio type activities. I am going to start Monday. I am going to at least jog one (maybe twice) before Monday just to get back into the swing of things.
I am subscribing to the method of behavior modification that I used in the group homes. Tell someone 20 times to do something and maybe they'll do it right once.
CRIS-tionary
Blerg: adj. (blerg)
1. a term to describe one's frustration.
Synonyms: "Argh!" - Charlie Brown "D'oh!" - Homer Simpson
...and by request. I'm surprised I've not added these before!
Meh: adj. (meh)
1. Lacking variety or excitement; dull.
Synonyms: blah, dim, drab, dreary, dull, garden variety, humdrum, monotonous, mundane, uneventful, uninteresting, wearisome
Mr. Sandman by Chordettes
Ok... This will sound odd, but I typically will have vivid or realistic dreams after eating pepperjack cheese. Being a big cheese fan it is not uncommon for me to sit around and eat it like a bag of chips. ANYWAY... the point being that I've had some very vivid dreams this last week without the aid of halluncinegens (a.k.a. pepperjack cheese)
Dream #1 - Monday night:
The part that was most memorable was the fact that I was driving around with Mike and had this extremely anxious feeling that I shouldn't be driving because I had too much alcohol to drink and I was not road-worthy. But I had to convince Mike that I shouldn't be driving. When I finally did and was able to pull into a parking lot to switch drivers... that is when I hit someone riding a bike. The dream ended shortly there after...
What makes this even creepier in a way was that I didn't remember this dream till I was having lunch with Mike and we were leaving Romeo's and I had just finished off my margarita.
Everything was fine and there was no convincing needed to get Mike to drive. It turned out fine tho. I was no worse the wear to drive, so there was no issue with it. It was just creepy timing. An odd deja vu feeling.
Dream #2 - Wednesday night:
I was moving in with Chris... or helping him move... or something with Chris moving into a new home. His parents were present in the dream. I got into their car and was leaving one house when I realized we forgot Chris. I told Chris's dad to stop and I'd go get him. I went back inside and Chris was packing stuff away still. His mother came in saying something and then started acting drunk almost... She was having a stroke.
It was realistic enough for me that I almost called his mom to see if everything was ok. In talking with Chris later that day, his mom was fine.
Dream #3 - Thursday night:
Another quick one... I was coming home from somewhere. I vivid remember the road outside my apartment building being rainy wet. Even tho I would normally be in the left hand turn lane, I was in the far right lane. (You have to imagine the street outside my apartment. Sorry for those who don't know where I live. Just play along.) So for me to be in the right lane was odd. As I sat there at the red light, a car bumped into me after being rear-ended himself. We all got out and inspected the damage the weasely looking driving who tagged me was talking about how there wasn't much damage and it was all ok. No need to report it. I insisted and the lady who hit him insisted as well. I began writing down license plate numbers. It was an out of state light colored sunny looking white & orange-ish colored plate W7S86. I don't even think I've ever seen a plate with that sort of sequence, but lemme tell you... if I do... I'm going the other way!!
Now I'm a believer that there is meaning to dreams. Nothing to Fruedian... No cigars and tunnels and that sort of shit. Yet, I think that our dreams our where our subconscious sorts out the daily shit and processes it on some level. I've also read that if you remember your dream the next morning you most likely didn't 'finish' dreaming about it. Perhaps you didn't resolve whatever issue your mind was working on. With that being said... I have no clue what those three dreams (all with in just a few days) might mean. I've never had so many such realistic dreams in such a short amount of time and be able to remember them just as well DAYS later.
They are open to interpretation... Other than the working theory of any mental instability, any ideas will be entertained. Have at it kids!
WHEN I LOOK TO THE SKY by Train
Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here
Maybe I'm just feed up. Maybe I am just tired. Maybe I am finally willing to fight for what it is I believe in. Part of me believes that I need to be cautious and censor what it is I am thinking and feeling. While I know that I don't want to emotionally vomit words onto a page about every little over-dramatic detail of my life into a blog, I also feel that if I have something to say then I want to say it.
If anyone was to ask me if I had any regrets I typically would say that I didn't have any. Sure there are things that I would like to do over. Yet, there it is those things that have helped to sculpt who I am today.
Lately there is one issue that has been on my mind that I do regret. I regret that I didn't follow through with something I vowed, not only to myself, but to another person as well.
I understand that there are things that aren't within my control. I understand that I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve. By doing so, I leave myself open to be easily hurt.
"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it is cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it... It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is... if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." -E. Jong.
Maybe now is my time to be subversive in my own little way.
I might be putting the cart before the horse by saying this, but.. you know what... I feel what I feel!! If I could say anything about the one regret I have it would be this...
...I know that you have your path that you are on. I know that you have a lot of things that you don't have figured out yet or might not even know how to begin figuring them out yet. I don't want to do that for you. I know that is something that we each have to do on our own. I know that I said what we had, I felt was worth fighting for... This is me fighting... I don't ask for forever. I ask for tomorrow... to be able to walk with you on your journey...
I say these things knowing that people... my friends... may read this and have an opinion on it. That's the other part of it all. I'm willing to deal with people's opinions, good or bad. I don't ask that someone agree with me. I don't ask that people necessarily understand me. Obviously, I care what people think, but I'm going to try to not to let the negative bother me as much anymore.
Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plane overhead
Instead it just feels like it is impossible to fly
But with you I can spread my wings
to see me over everything that life may send me
When I am hoping it won't pass me by
And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me
there you are to show me
Of course there the notion that anything I am feeling is just holiday related. I won't deny that there is that possibility. This is not something that I've just recently felt. It has been on my mind a lot lately. Not just because it is close to Valentine's Day. Then, to see people around me... I know everyone has their own issues. I don't claim that anything I am dealing with is more important or that anyone else is more trivial. What I see is people that are in love... and it is a beautiful thing. I also see people who are together or married, but don't appreciate what it is that they have. I also see people who are single that complain about it because the grass is greener on the other side, but once they are there... it ain't so green.
Take a moment... EVERY DAY ...to appreciate that special someone in your life. If you don't have someone special in your life, then appreciate a time when you did, knowing that a day will come again when you will find that again. Fifty years from now, when someone asks you if you have any regrets... do you damnedest now while you can to make sure that you can answer "no."
HOME by Sheryl Crow
This is home, home
And this is home, home
This is home
I went to Nebraska City today. Even tho I've lived in Omaha now for over 5 years I still go to Nebraska City to get a hair cut. I could get my hair cut in Omaha very easily. While, Sherri is nice I don't have any emotional connection that keeps me going to her specifically.
So why do I make an hour trip for a hair cut that takes 15 minutes?
Well... Several reasons. While it may sound rude, I don't get down to see my Grandparents as often as I could. I talk to them on the phone, but still... a visit is always welcome. So obviously I'll see them for a while.
Sometimes I will get my oil changed or have some minor car tune-up work done. One of the benefits of having family friends in the repair business in a small town. They do some work for free or discounted.
Tonight I ran into two people that I graduated with, in the span of about 5 minutes of each other in the same restaurant. (who both happened to be Mike's cousins) Now granted it is only a town of 7000-ish people, but that is what is cool about it. I could go for weeks in Omaha and maybe not see someone I know just randomly at a restaurant. In Nebraska City it's rare that I could go anywhere and not recognize someone that I graduated with or at least went to school with or have more than a passing knowledge about them.
Things just don't seem to change as fast as they do in the 'big city.' When I was living there is was a bad thing. Now that I've moved away... going back and having that 'stability' is nice.
There have been times in the summer where I would just drive around Nebraska City (my old cruising route) and just take in the serenity of the city. I miss that sometimes...
BICYCLE RACE by Queen
Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like
Dating is like a bike. Now, don't try and make too much of a connection between the aforementioned song and the analogy I am trying to make. I just needed an appropriate song title for my post.
As I was saying... Dating is like a bicycle. More specifically... the gears on, let's say, a 10-speed. When you first get on the bike and start peddling it may not be easy. You have to struggled for a few pushes before you can switch it into an better gear. The opposite is also true. Sometimes it is too easy to peddle and you need something with a little more resistance that may be difficult, but gets you moving faster for the long haul. My point being is that you have to find the gear that fits what you are you wanting.
Have you ever noticed that when you switch gears on a bicycle that there is that few moments of limbo where you aren't really in any gear. When it catches a gear, there might be some skipping of the chain as it is trying to be picked up by the gear. That's normal. Once it does, then you see if that is the gear you were looking for. If it's not the gear that suits you, then you switch. Overall there is nothing wrong with any of the gears. This goes back to finding the gear that bests suits what you are looking for that will allow you the most comfortable ride.
Much the same in dating... You may go out on a date with someone and it may or may not be the best fit. Nothing wrong with the person. It just may not be what suits you.
Extending the metaphor... Chains come off bikes. Relationships have their problems. Their are different ways to solve both issues.
Even the bike itself... There are different kinds of bikes. Different models, styles, uses... Much like a date. You can meet a person for dinner, or a fun night on the town, or a romantic evening in. Everyone has their own idea of what would be a good date for them.
You've got your rough and rugged, BMX or mountain bikes. You've the leisurely comfy seated basket bike. You've got your sports bike with more gears than a person knows what to do with.
Now, I don't think I'm saying anything revolutionary or something that no one has every heard before. So this is more a rambling mind post than a comical misadventure. I'm sure I might draw some criticism for putting my idea of dating in such a way. Don't think about it too much. Just have fun on the ride. |
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I posted this @ 2/01/2004 08:33:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
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