| 12/01/2003 |
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WRITING TO REACH YOU by Travis
I came across a post James, over at Shots & Giggles did as part of a retrospective of his blog over the past year.
One of his posts was in regards to a very somber subject matter. I really could relate to what he said.
Maybe it's the holiday season... Maybe I'm just a sap when it comes right down to it... Either way, it reminded me someone from my past.
It was sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I was a Junior in High School. The way our High School was set up, the Freshman attended the Junior High, yet had band at the High School and were bussed back afterwards. Being a Junior I was finally no longer at the bottom of the status totem pole. I had 'seniority' over some of the other kids in the school. Not that it meant a whole lot, but it still was a 'status' thing... It was usually the pseudo-High Schoolers (a.k.a. Freshman) that suffered as a result. Some took more pleasure in it than others. I admit to the occasional stuffing of a certain pint-sized Freshman into my tuba case on more than one occasion. (It was his own fault for being so close to it as I closed it on him... hee hee)
Our band instructor, Mr Cooper, has asked if any of us wanted to go to Omaha with him to take in a holiday concert and tour some of the lights of the city. A handful of us went. Mostly Juniors, (the ones that were band geeks in the nicest sense of the word) and one Freshman, Greg Ferre.
Greg was a dark curly haired, lanky kid. Just growing out of the awkward Jr. High phase and coming into his own as a person with a sense of identity and personality that was his own and not what his peers wanted him to be. He was active in sports... basketball at the time, since it was the season. Greg was a trumpeter and very outgoing as I've noticed most folks who played trumpet were.
It was a pretty entertaining night. A great holiday concert, we took in the lights that they had set up at AkSarBen (I think... that's where they were). We had dinner at Spaghetti Works in the Old Market. It was my first time for a lot of those things. I had a blast.
Now like I mentioned... I wasn't one to take much pleasure in tormenting the Freshman, but after hanging out with Greg and getting to know him I really felt as though he was a pretty good kid and not just another target. Greg seemed to have a "I hung out with upper classman" attitude for the next few days afterwards, which was funny to see.
For just getting to know him pretty quickly like that I really felt like he was a good friend. I even caught myself sticking up for him if someone else chose him as a target for a prank. He wasn't just another Freshman.
The next week as I walked into school and made my way to my 1st period band class, I noticed in the halls that there were several people crying. I didn't think too terribly much of it, although I wondered what was wrong. Once I got to the band room, no one had really broke out their instruments or music, or seemed to really be getting ready. Most were milling around in the hall, crying and/or consoling each other. A classmate promptly informed me that Greg had passed away the night before.
Greg had left basketball practice the night before feeling more tired than usual. He went home and went to his room to take a nap before dinner. He couldn't be roused later when his mom called him for a meal.
It was determined that his heart just gave out. His heart had a birth condition that made it weaker than most. While he obviously lived longer than the doctors expected him too, it wasn't a medical surprise. His parents didn't coddle or treat him like a fragile doll. He was allowed to do the same activities as any other kid his age. He lived a normal, active life. Greg was eulogized as such.
I couldn't believe how strongly his death affected me. I barely knew the kid, but I was just as upset as someone who might have known him all his life. I felt like I was mourning a friendship that was just beginning. I attended his memorial service. I felt somewhat out of place with it being mostly family and close friends... until I saw other band members there that I know didn't have much more of a connection than I did.
Greg Ferre still has an influence in my life to this day. Shortly after his passing I took a creative writing class, with Ms Gundlach (ch as in 'CHris', not 'CHerry'... trust me... there's a story behind that pronunciation). One of the stories I ended up writing was about a group of friends, one of whom died and how they coped as a result. First rule of writing... Write about what you know and are familiar with. What better topic, I figured.
It was that short story that really got me interested in writing. I wrote a few other short stories and I have the goal to write a book one day (once I figure out a good topic). Each time I sit down to write, I think about Greg even to this day. Because basically it was his death that I first wrote a story.
It may seem silly, but I feel as though if there was ever a muse, he was a muse for my writing for a good chunk of time.
I'm glad to have taken the time to get to know you Greg and not just treat you like another Freshman. Thank you.
LET'S GET PHYSICAL by Olivia Newton John
In keeping with the theme of titling blog posts with song names... don't read too much into this title. It's only about exercise...
I was talking to Jay earlier about fitness club memberships. Working out in general has been a topic of discussion with a couple of other people as well. Some work out to maintain a weight for their job. Others more for overall health. Some for the feeling and the look of a healthy body.
I'm not sure where I fall into the fitness spectrum. During sports season I fence a couple times a week, when I can make it to Lincoln. During the off season of the summer months I jog a couple times a week. I started doing that because otherwise I have absolutely no endurance for when I start fencing again in the fall.
Shortly after I first moved to Omaha I was persuaded to give 24 Fitness a try and sign up for a membership. Somehow I ended up signing up a package deal that involved me spending WAY more money than I would have wanted to otherwise. It was insane!! Looking back on it, I don't know what I was thinking. I regret it. I will occasionally think about what else I could've spent the money on and lament. Much like I'm doing now.
I was roped into the whole deal... Signed up for a dietary evaluation. Got set up with a fitness-nazi who showed me a regimen to follow. They even tried to push their shake/drink/juice bar recipes on me.
I don't remember much about the time I spent at the gym. It is all a painful blur. I remember thinking how the stairmaster was a metaphor for a depressing life. Exhaustedly climbing stair after stair and getting now where. Then there were the various torture devices that you slip yourself into and attempted to operated some fangled weight and pulley system. I felt like I was part of a Rube Goldberg device attempting to crack an egg.
Since I worked overnights it was not the first thing on my mind when I woke up in the afternoon. And it was CERTAINLY the last thing I wanted to do at 8am when I got off work and wanted to go to bed. Yet for some reason I ended up usually going to the gym then. I honestly didn't enjoy it. I was overly tired, and then I was trying to work out. I'm sure I was entertaining to watch as I tried to operate these Mengele-esque looking machines.
So overall my membership was a waste of money. This is on top of the fact that at the apartment complex I live in there is a fitness center available to me 24 hours a day that I wasn't taking advantage of. Even now... I've moved to the same row of building and I'm a 50 foot walk and one door away from the fitness center. Yet I don't manage to make it over there.
Perhaps this is a resolution. Maybe it's just a rededication to the fact that I enjoy jogging and walking. I am planning on going to the fitness center at least twice a week. Now that I've said it in a 'public' forum, maybe I'll feel a little more obligated to abide by my pledge.
12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
Last week was our Secret Santa gift exchange. Anyone who participates gives two small items and then a $10-$15 dollar item at the end of the week. I usually love getting involved with this. I enjoy going all out. Making elaborate clues or riddles for the person in order to let them try to figure out who their Secret Santa is. This year I was not present for when the names were drawn. Our Admin Ass't selected the names. I have a feeling she set me up... I ended up getting my boss's name as gift recipient.
Not that I don't like my boss. She's cool. But I don't know her sense of humor enough to feel like I can be as silly as I would normally... There were several playful jokes, referencing stories she has told us of her wilder days, that brought up gift idea, but... I like my job. So I declined anyone's suggestions along those lines.
I made it a mission on morning at Targette to purchase everything I'd give her last week. Typically I put some decent thought into what I am giving a person. I like to give something that they can use that isn't too generic of a gift that just ANYONE would want to use. I must have been tired... or delusional... or just didn't care... I don't know what my problem was that day.
I ended up purchasing her:
#1 - A coffee mug with a poinsettia print, with holiday M&M's in it.
#2 - A stress ball.
Final Gift - The most hideous looking desk clock I've ever seen in my entire life.
I panicked... I don't know what came over me. I had absolutely NO idea what to get her. Who wouldn't like M&M's!? That was safe enough. The coffee mug wasn't inventive, but it wasn't horrible either. She'd at least get use out of it at work. The stress ball was more amusing to me than I think it would've been useful for her, but who knows... Maybe she'll actually use it the next staff meeting she has.
As for this clock... I should restate that. It isn't the most hideous clock. It is just not something I think she (or most people) would ever want. I can't find a picture of it online or I'd just show you... So use your imagination, kids. It has a domed base, then a Y shaped bracket. The clock itself hangs from a small piece that goes across from each of the upwardly extended arms. It hangs there from a cheap leather looking strap and just dangles around. It honestly looks a little maritime or sea worth. Kinda rustic... old world office-esque. I've seen my boss's house. Definitely not her style. Her office is tropical fish decorated. So this was really not something that I think she would've thought wasn't just bizarre. Of course it seemed like a REALLY good idea at the time. I think I might have been sick or tired when I picked it out. I don't know.
This didn't really hit me until I was potentially wrapping it and just looking at it. I ended up chickening out and not giving it to her on Friday like originally planned. I knew I would be hitting the mall on Saturday. I would pick something else out there. I opted for a little reindeer figurine from The Afternoon at Westroads (one of my favorite shops).
While the reindeer was generic and holiday... it was also a no-brainer. Yet, I'm left with this horrible reminder of a clock that I need to return.
Lesson learned? Next year I need to be present for the name drawing.
I'M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS
I've always tended to lean towards warmer milder weather as opposed to cold cold temperatures. Give me a pleasant 70 or 80 degree day and I'm a happy camper. Maybe a 50 or 60 degree day for those light jacket days. Yet there are some times of year that you just want it to be cold and precipitating outside.
I was checking the weather for next week. It looks like we may get a little snow on Monday (My extra day off... Yay!). Then the rest of the week looks pretty clear. I can only think of a couple Christmas' where we got some snow on Christmas Eve or Christmas. It always seems to make the holiday seem just a bonus step more like a holiday.
I remember when I was living at home and much younger, we had a snow storm one year that had knocked the power out. There was enough light in the sky as it snowed that you could clearly see the think snowflakes as they fell and rested on the various evergreens we had in our yard at the time.
3am... I sat in the living, curled up in a blanket, looking out our big picture window, watching it snow outside. Since then, anytime it snows, I typically think back to that night.
Here's to hoping there is just a happy little snowy memory in everyone's Christmas.
LET'S ALL GO TO THE LOBBY
I went to see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King last night. Since I know a majority of the people I know haven't seen it yet, I'll comment on the surroundings as opposed to the movie scenes specifically.
First of all, I thougth there would be a lot more lines than there were. Granted, we were fortunate enough to have purchased tickets in advance. But even then... outside the theater there weren't long lines. It wasn't until you got inside that you could see people lined up down the hall for the main centrally located theaters. A few people in cloaks... dressed for the occasion.
Me? I wore a sweater. Call me novel like that.
Our theater had already opened seating and it wasn't too difficult to find a place to sit. It was well filled by the time the movie started.
There was only two occasions of hooping and hollering. This really surprised me. When I went to see Star Wars Episode II... the entire theater would break out into chants and applause at the slightest mention of Yoda. I guess I figured Gollum or Gandalf would draw a few "Woots" every now and then. Oh well... I didn't miss it per se. Just surprised there wasn't more of it.
So overall... Great movie! Great company! Now just to sit back with my mouth shut so I don't spoil the ending for anyone else.
Not satisfied? Want to know what I think about the movie itself? This spoiler-free link should provide a good representation.
WHAT'S THE STORY, MORNING GLORY?
Looking back over the past handful of posts that I've made I realized that I have only being doing memes, lists, and such. I hadn't really posted anything with much meat to it.
So in the truest sense of the title of this blog, this will really be the comical misadventures of my rambling mind. Brace yourself.
The last week or so has been pretty good. As you may have read on Brenda's blog, we went out Wednesday evening for dinner and some shopping. Brenda's one of those people that, for as much as I may not admit it, we are a lot alike in how we think about some things. So it can be entertaining. She played my eyes and my sounding board on clothing since I have a hard time seeing clothing on myself truly how they are. I'm glad she went, but she's just as indecisive as I am. ;-) Still, it's nice to have a second set of eyes.
I went with a friend to KC, Friday night for his company Christmas party. For as many times as I've been to Kansas City, or even through it, I've never been to The Plaza. If you've never been to The Plaza, it one of those places in town where pedestrians have free range to roam and there are all kinds of eclectic and upscale shops. We have the Old Market here in Omaha, which is nice. The Plaza is like that, yet on steroids. Very very cool! I hope to go back again soon.
It was a good time. Dinner. Dancing. Drinks. This trip was also the first time I've been to a Cheesecake Factory. Oh my God! The food... The cheesecake... Wow! Admittedly I'm easily impressed, but this was VERY impressive. I'd heard different people and programs talk about Cheesecake Factory. I hope Omaha opens one someday. Then I will officially weigh more that 200 pounds, because I will be there all the friggin' time.
I'd joined the Christmas Club at work. Which is basically a fund set up with a local credit union bank. I have money directly deducted from my check and then next year around late October I get a lumpsum check. It is a NICE chunk to get just in time for Christmas. It motivated me to get out and shop earlier. I've only got two more people to shop for and I will be officially done. Where in the past, I've been WAY behind. So I'm glad that I've not stressed it this year. If you have something like this where you work, I highly recommend you take advantage of it.
Is it silly or too superstitious to not eat a fortune cookie that someone else picked out? I don't want to intercept someone's luck/fortune/karma/etc.
Now is the season to be with family and friends. I am lucky to feel that in addition to my family, I consider my friends my family as well... Many of them have been there with me in some pretty up and down times. I consider myself to be very fortunate to know the people I know.
When it comes to family, I've always said my family puts the 'fun' is dysFUNctional. I truly have a family tree that would look quite tangled when plotted on a flow chart. Without having an Oprah moment... I've not physically seen my mother in almost 20 years or my father in almost 10. Things have changed and evolved over time, obviously. I've been in email contact with my mother within the last 5 years, but I've yet to see a photo of her from the last decade. I've had the opportunity to see my father, but chose not to the last time I had the option. (A story for another time)
Yet I have been making an effort to be civil. Not for anyone's benefit other than my own... I don't feel like holding on to such issues anymore. I'm finally getting my life in a place where I'm able to get over any abandonment and let people in on a more closer friendship level.
So along the lines of being civil I took a couple photos of myself and had a friend print off a couple photos on his new printer so I could send to my biological parents. They've both been talking about wanting recent pictures for QUITE some time. I'm usually behind the camera taking the photos and I didn't have any decent ones just sitting around where I wasn't playing cowboy or slightly inebriated. I sent the photos off and perhaps my expectations were too high. I expected that for someone wanting to see pictures of their son after 10 to 20 years that you'd contact them as soon as you could and at LEAST let him know that you received the pictures. I guess some things never change...
Apparently there are a lot of 'people' concerned about my penis. I can be gone from computer for a day. When I come back I've got at least two dozen emails from 'friends' who apparently have been discussing my endurance, stamina, and ability. Multiple orgasms. Size. Girth. You name it... someone has a pill that is exactly what my penis needs... or more correctly stated in these emails, "pe n!$ s972md021 skl99xx kd0o2-s".
Between the number of those emails and emails for various depression and anxiety medications... Apparently someone feels I'm depressed over the state of my genitalia. So let me reassure you, World... All is good to go! Thanks for the concern!
I really need a new email address...
I've been in a couple recent discussion with my friend, and admin. ass't. at work about relationships. I typically don't debate because I get to emotionally involved in it and I can't think as level-headed then. So I get frustrated and quit. But when the discussion is about emotions and such then I can debate them with greater ease, mainly because it is 'about' emotions so getting emotionally invested in an argument isn't an issue to worry about as much.
The basic gist of the conversations have been lately revolving around whether it is worth getting in a relationship at all or if it's better to wait for that special someone to come along. That 'one' someone. For the longest time I was told that I was too picky. Mike would give me crap about it all the time jokingly agreeing with me that so-and-so wasn't right for me because they weren't walking on water. He was right. I was too picky. I had already decided in my mind that someone wouldn't work out because of whatever expectations and standards I had in my head. While I've certainly not lowered my standards or expectations, I've learned that it is ok to get to know someone and be in a relationship. If for no other reason that for the experience of figuring out what type of person it is I do eventual hope to end up with. I certainly have a clearer picture in my mind now that I did a couple years ago.
Even recently I've realized that it is ok to let someone in and even if it doesn't work out there is definite value in the experience. Even relating back to what I was saying about my parents... Just because someone else important in my life left when I was younger... I learned that it is ok to care about someone and have the possibility of being hurt, and it will be ok. I don't have to stop myself from being in a relationship just because I'm worried about being left. I can still enjoy and live in the moment of it, and dealing with anything that comes my way afterwards.
I read a quote on my friend's computer, this same person who I have been discussion with, that I really enjoyed.
"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it is cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it... It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is... if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." -E. Jong.
THINK OF YOUR FELLOW MAN... LEND HIM A HELPING HAND...
PUT A LITTLE LOVE IN YOUR HEART...
There are so many causes out there this time of year. Donation mailings everyday... Bellringers at almost every store... Everyone is asking you to open your wallet and spare some change...
It's hard for me to donate to a cause that I don't ever see, what I feel are, quantifiable results that the money I donated actually was fruitful in some way. That's why I am whole-heartedly behind a donations drive spear-headed by a web-comic I read.
Child's Play is a combination of Penny Arcade, Amazon.com, and the Seattle Children's Hospital. Granted... I'm in Omaha and they are in Seattle. What makes this seems more solid and less faces is seeing the stacks and stacks of toys that people have purchased through Amazon.com to give to these kids.
A father writes a VERY heartfelt letter explaining how this really is a good things. Maybe I'm just a sap when it comes right down to it... but his letter really moves me.
Happy Holidays Everyone!
YOU CAN RING MY BELL.... RING MY BELL
I came across this on a local blog folks... I wanna say it happened at Westroads, but not for sure. It's funny (and a little freaky) just the same.
me: have a good holiday.
female coworker: stay warm tonight.
bell ringer: maybe tonight i can come over for a cup of soup to warm me up....and you could let me lick your toes too.
me: *shocked expression mixed with a sly smile*
female coworker: ........ *grabs me to leave fast*
867-5309
Ok... maybe I'm missing something obvious here, but I think we've come full circle when it comes to telephone usage. They have commecials now where you can forward your cellphone calls to your home phone with the help of a device transmitter type thing. I know everyone has their own reasons for getting a cell phone in addition to their home phone. The majority of people I know that have cell phones now use them as their main line, and dont' even have a home phone.
If you are constantly misplacing your cellphone wouldn't it be simpler to put it in the same place all the time so you know where it is. Perhaps, you could carry it around with you. Novel idea?!
I know I'm over simplifying this... but I guess it just seems redundant. You might get a cell phone so you don't miss calls when you are not home or for better rates, etc... Now you can have your calls forwarded to your home from the phone you had in case you missed calls from home.
Or maybe you need smarter friends...
Head spinning yet?
TRUE COLORS... SHINING THROUGH
you are lightcyan
#E0FFFF
Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well.
Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working.
Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.
the spacefem.com html color quiz
CAMERA ONE
We have this running 'game' at work where we think about if our job was a sitcom or movie... who would play each person. (It passes the time in the morning and can be a good stress reliever, especially given what we do.)
Which got me thinking... if your life was a movie what actors/actresses would be cast as you and my friends? Would you go for looks alone or personality? Maybe both... This is the cast I've come up with so far. Some are based solely on personality... some are on looks. Not really personal preference for any specific performers.
CRIS: Chad Lowe or Edward Norton. Maybe Matthew Perry for personality.
MIKE: It would have to be a decent mix of John Stamos with Matthew Broderick
JENI: a young Stockard Channing, perhaps.
CHRIS: While he may vomit peas at the idea of Jack Black. Maybe if we give him enough pet tranquilizers it would be ok.
BRENDA: Who would be a good mix of Camryn Manheim and Bette Midler?
SCOTT: Can we put Nathan Lane on a rack and make him taller?
JAY: He'd love this.. but it does fit him. Michael Shanks from Stargate
That's all I've really 'cast' at this point... My people will be in touch with their people very soon!!
Who'd be your cast? |
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I posted this @ 12/01/2003 08:54:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
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