| 11/17/2008 |
...DON'T BOTHER KNOCKIN'
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I've been called aloof. Some might say I'm stand-offish. I wouldn't completely deny either. I don't think I'm rude. I just don't handle unknown social situations well. I've overcome a lot of shyness in my time. I still don't talk to just any ol' random person on the street. I don't strike up conversations with people I sit next to on planes. It takes practice. I plan ahead. Off the cuff isn't not my forte. So it's rare that I'll answer the door if it's not someone I know. I don't care to verbally give door-to-door salesmen the brush off.
Yet... for some reason...
It was cold the other day. Brisk. Not weather that most fair weather joggers would be out in. Thus the name... Since Daylight Saving Time it's rarely been super sunny and bright so there is no point in opening the shades to let the dull gray day in.
I'm playing on the computer, when I hear a knock at the door. I answer it. For the sake of conversation, this will be known as Mistake #1. (See above for the reasons why.) The young man standing on the other side of the door was a fidgety young thing who was there with a purpose. He extended his hand and I offered mine in return. He shook it vigorously.
I forgot the young man's name, but let's call him Colin. Colin was working on his fear of public speaking, or so he claimed. In order to do this he was collecting signatures and earning points. How you ask? Well, let's allow Colin to explain.
Colin thrust a laminated explanation of why he was there. I didn't really read the fine print. The only things that stood out on the plastic encased flyer was "20,000" and "Europe". It's at this point that my eyes glaze over. He's selling something...
Colin needs to earn enough points to win a trip to Europe. "How?" I asked. I didn't do so on purpose... He asked me to. I obliged. By buying one his magazines, Colin could earn enough points to go to Europe. "Where do you want to go in Europe?" Again he asked me to ask... "London. Wanna know why?" Not really Colin, but I get the feeling you're going to tell me anyway. "Because they speak English there."
Ba da bing...
He asked if I was a serial killer and if he could step in. He claimed that he wasn't, because he had all his teeth. [beat] And then he showed me his teeth... [beat] Like, pulled the corner of his mouth to one side to show me his molars. I declined to invite him in and he took a seat on my patio.
He handed me a brochure of magazines that he was offering. If my eyes weren't already glazed over... It's at this point then I'm trying to think how to get rid of him without just handing him back his brochure and walking back inside. How was I to know that his tooth-full mouth wouldn't just keep knocking?
He pulled out a scrap of paper and a pen and begin to quiz me. What's my favorite color? Green. Name two hobbies I enjoy. I was supposed to keep them legal and out of the bedroom. Apparently my neighbors are a little freaky-deaky, according to Colin. Bets are he has already spoken with my downstairs neighbor.
Colin offered to send me a postcard from Europe!! "I could send you a postcard of 5 girls in green bikinis." I half expected him to claim the postcard would read "Wish You Were Her." But let's go back to the bikinis... Historically, Londonese women aren't seen as the beach-going bikini clad bombshells that Colin expects to find on a postcard. Not to mention... such bangers and mash beauty's bikini ways are lost on me. As I pointed out to Colin. "Not really my type." That's when he noticed the rainbow stickers in my window. Without missing a beat, he offered an alternative. "I could send you a postcard of 5 GUYS in green bikinis." He's persistent. I'll give him that.
I told him that I really didn't see any magazines that I'd be interested in. He asked if I liked kids. I almost tossed myself under the bus by saying that Mark teaches. But I wanted to get RID of him. Not encourage him to keep talking. While I personally don't mind them, in the interest of getting him to go away I told him I didn't. Colin asked, "You don't bake them in the over do you?" What?! Is he trying to make a sale or pin me down on some criminal charge?
Finally came the moment of truth. I told him that in these hard financial times I really didn't have the disposable income for such things as magazines. He seemed defeated, but I'm sure it wasn't the first time that he'd heard that today. Nor will it be the last.
This just reinforces why I tend to keep to myself around people I don't know. People are weird! |
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I posted this @ 11/17/2008 07:44:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
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