| 8/17/2007 |
EVERYDAY IS A WINDING ROAD
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I hate feeling like there is nothing I can do to change a situation. Now I know that it can be said that there are always things that I can do to change a situation. I'm not doubting this. I'm just not able to see them right now with all the frustration that is swirling about.
It could be said that this is a 'control' issue thing. To a certain extent yes. I don't like feeling out of control of my own life. Who does?
I didn't get the job that I thought I would be a sure bet on. This is both depressing and a relief. More so one than the other. I would've had to take a MAJOR pay cut for at least the first year and even after that year I'd be skrimping to get by. Not good... BUT it's a 'relief', because I don't have to fret over taking that job and not making enough money and how I'd supplement my income.
Most of the jobs I've applied for have had such irregular hours that it would make getting a part time job difficult. I'm investigating other avenues.
And I'm thinking about going back and get my Masters? With what money? Or if I have two jobs... with what time?
My Grandfather was accepted into a local Vet's Home. This doesn't mean he's in. It just means his application went through and when a spot opens up if my Grandmother is willing to put him in the Vet's Home, she can. I'm truly shocked by all of this... Until you have to do it (or know someone who does) you are never really prepared for the insane cost of what it takes to put a loved one in a home. It's insane. What bothers me about all this is, as we've been gathering information about the process and care and cost the amount keeps getting higher and higher. They start out by telling you one estimated guess of a price. But as you get closer to making a decision, then boom! Then you realize that they'd literally have to sell everything and turn over all incoming in order to pay for it. Then once they've sapped you dry then they will evaluate if you can get financial assistance. Fuck that.
For all my introverted ways, I am a social being. I couldn't survive without people in my life. I've wondered if sometimes I need my friends more than they need me. That sounds worse than I mean it. But really... my friends are my family. Those people in my life that I am close to that I care about are the brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins that my genetic-family was lacking. So it tears me up when something threatens those bonds that I have with my family of friends.
So let's see what is actually in my control?
-Keep applying for jobs.
-Hope that I get one that pays decent.
-Hope that my grandparents figure out a way to make everything work.
-Hope I don't lose a friend.
That's a lot more 'hoping' that I like to rely on.Labels: introspection |
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I posted this @ 8/17/2007 08:58:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
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