| 11/13/2006 |
SOMEBODY SAVE ME
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I am having a dilemma. A decision needs to be made. Left or right? Both roads look equal to me, but I still am apprehensive (the adult word for scared) to proceed down either.
To the left there is an opportunity. The possibility to do something that seems almost out of character for me. I am considering signing up for an EMT training class in December. I was a volunteer EMT before I moved here. But considering it was a small town, the scale of what I'd come across here and now as compared to there and then would be way different. I don't think the prospect of anything squeamish would get me. The silly thing about it is, rather than worrying about that I am pondering the issue would I be able to drive an ambulence in snowy conditions. LOL I know... the way my mind works sometimes... Anyway.
To the right there is the option of taking out a student loan and and get my Masters... finally. Which brings up several points. 1) I've never taken out a student loan fortunately and the idea of doing so now when I already am getting by (not scraping, but getting by) doesn't sound appealing. 2) Do I want to continue on with psychology. The older I get the less inclined I am finding myself putting up with stupidity. On a more and more frequent basis I find that I have to bite my tongue. I doubt this is conducive to a professional counselor if he is inclined to be snarky all the time.
Which brings up another thing. I've been asked several times in the past two weeks by various people if I am in a bad mood. I don't think I am. I don't think I am any pissier or snarkier or grouchier than I would be any other day. Which isn't to say I normally am. But it does make me wonder what the fuck is going on that I'm just not seeing in myself.
Like with what I said about psychology and counseling... am I just getting older and this is how things are going? I don't know.
I would say that since the beginning of this summer I have been feeling like I need to be more in charge of what I do. There have been times in my recent past where I felt like I wasn't living my own life. The beginning of this summer was definetely a turning point. It was one of my goal on my 101 List. Perhaps, I've swung to far the other way and become a prick about it.
I've never been a 'my way or fuck you' sort of person. As many can attest to I ride fences. It's a hobby. It was a cop out. It was a good counselor. Try to see both sides and let the client decide.
Now I am the client and I've got decisions to make. Psychology or EMT.
Mmm... The choices. |
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I posted this @ 11/13/2006 03:12:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
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