| 6/01/2005 |
IT'S ELECTIRC (BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE) by Marcia Griffith
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Ok first of all, I just found out a the title of song I'd been trying to figure out for quite some time now. It was found accidentally while confirming the singer in this entries title. Cha Cha Slide by Casper. Go me! Or... at least, Go Lucky Accidents of Fortune!
Ok so down to business... I finally saw
ELEKTRA (C) - I am a huge Jenifer Garner fan. I was thrilled when she was going to play opposite of Ben Affleck in Daredevil. While the movie was what it was (a comic book movie that will never be able to live up to the standards anyone who has read a comic book for longer than most relationships last), I was excited when I heard that Elektra would get her own movie out of it. Bonus! I love Alias. I am considering starting (or joining) a campaign that would get Jenifer Garner to be the next James Bond Femme. Typecasting? Oh sure. But with good reason. She's excellent at kicking ass in various wigs and accents.
Oh yeah. That's right. There was a movie.
Elektra (Garner) is an assassin for hire. The movie opens showing, DeMarco, a wealthy man obviously accepting his fate as a dead man. His well guarded house will be no match for the killer that is after him. His most trusted goon, Bauer, sits at a computer console monitoring the other guards status. Enter Elektra. She easily does away with all the compounds inner guards. As Elektra approaches the door where her mark is waiting for his fate, Bauer pulls out an automatic weapon and Swiss cheeses the door. Surely that would kill an assassin that managed to get past everyone else. She easily kills Bauer and sneaks up behind DeMarco. THWOOM! Sai right through the upholstery, killing DeMarco. I don't think the police are going to be able to sell this place easily at the next auction.
Meanwhile, in what looks to be an Imperial Palace Buffet on top of a skyscraper 'someone else' is plotting their move. Roshi the leader of The Hand wants to find the Treasure and train her in the ways of their dark forces. While his right Hand man (pun intended) prefers the quick and stealthy approach, Roshi's son, Kirigi opts for a more direct and plot-worthy method.
Back at Casa Elektra she is furiously scrubbing her apartment floors when her 'agent', McCabe brings her the reward for DeMarco. It was funny for me at the time because I'd just recently watched an episode of Alias where Sydney was scrubbing her apartment sink in the same furious manner. I wonder if that is a 'talent' that she lists on her resume when doing auditions? McCabe informs her of another job that she has been specifically asked to do. Reluctantly she accepts, because the money is just too good too pass up. Which confuses me a little. I'm basing what I know about the character on what has been shown in Daredevil. Which is flawed, but then if you've never read comic books, but for some reason happen to catch both of these movies in a short time frame, you might ask the same question. Why does she need the money? Wasn't her father rich? Like I said, I know there is an actual backstory in the comics that would explain this, but... whatever.
Elektra takes the job and sets herself up in a very posh pad that is located just North of The Middle of Nowhere by a mountain lake. On the way to her latest job we get a flashback to Elektra in the back of an ambulance as she was in Daredevil. We then see her body in Stick's cabin, a former mentor. Stick brings her back to life using the power of his inner chi or some such nonsense. She then takes up training with Stick and the Stones (which isn't their real name, but would make a GREAT band name). We see Elektra kicking everyone's ass, but yet there is something wrong. She just isn't mastering all there is. Stick sends her away in a scene that is somewhat odd, but gives a lot of insight into what brought Elektra to the point she is now. Back to the present, once at the house she begins meticulously arranging her belongings. I imagine that she probably doesn't want or need a maid's turn down service each evening as she probably has to circle her bed ten times and measures how far she actually pulls back the sheets before getting in to bed. But don't we all have our little quirks. And this is why we love Elektra.
Elektra is told to wait... and wait... and wait... at this Frank Lloyd Wright-ian estate for her employer to contact her with the details of the job. While out for a swim Elektra flashes back to her childhood were her father is training her to tread water using only her legs in case she is paraplegic. Ah... Good times.
As she gets out of the water and goes back inside she notices that she is not alone. Being the highly skilled assassin that she is, she easily traps the burgurler in her house, by pinning a girls arm to the wall with a box cutter. Introduce Abby Miller. She swears she has a key and was just looking in on the house for the actual owners. Yeah, and I was just looking after that Bangles cassette circa 1985 by keeping it in my jacket pocket. Elektra forces her to turn over her stash which is her beloved necklace that her father gave her. Abby hopes that she won't tell her father about the incident. Father, Mark is the tall dark and handsome type who happens to have an incorrigible teenage daughter/amateur cat burgurlar/discipline problem.
That night Elektra has visions of her mother's death at the hand of some blurry shadowy demon that flits around fast enough so the special effects and make-up departments don't have to work overtime. She gets up and decides to work out. Thus showing off another point one her resume, "I do all my own stunts." She finds time to call McCabe and explain that if she hasn't heard anything from her employer soon she's gone.
Some undetermined time in the next couple of days Elektra is approached by Abby's Father, Mark Miller. He apologizes for Abby breaking in and hopes she didn't take or break anything.
Later, Abby spots Elektra zenning out by the lake. She approaches and talks to her about coming over for Christmas dinner. Because, didn't you know it was Christmas? Elektra didn't. I imagine she probably doesn't even count Christmas as anything more than a day when most of her kills are home. I think it's been a while since Santa left anything but coal in this girls red thigh-high boot. Abby talks her into dinner with her and Mark. No mother or girlfriend around, but we'll get to that. Elektra agrees taking note that Abby is counting the windows on Elektra's abode. "Are you counting?" Which I can see observing, but to call her out on such a seemingly innocuous detail. Sure it's a clue to the story, but... I think they could've demonstrated the same clue in a different less club-to-the-head way.
Elektra and Abby walk in the house where Mark is cooking dinner. Mr. Mom looks somewhat surprised at Elektra's arrival. Not upset. Just surprised. "Abby sweetie? What have I told you about bringing home hired killers?" C'mon! Hired killers need love too. What actually happens is Elektra realizes that Abby is trying to set them up. She apologies for intruding explaining Abby's invite to this thing they call Christmas Dinner. He graciously steps up to the plate and says that it isn't a problem at all. They sit down to a wonderful home cooked meal. Marie Calendar you're a godsend. We are privy to the main topics of this effervescent dinner conversation, including Elektra's 'job' and how the Millers are from... um.. Baltimore. Yeeeeah... Baltimore. Elektra notes a unique bracelet that Abby is wearing. It is given to very special warriors in Indonesia. Where did Abby get it? EBay... There is some obvious tension in the room, but it's getting so full of various tensions, both sexual and dramatic, that it's hard to tell where to start cutting. After dinner, we see Elektra watching from the porch as Mark puts Abby to sleep. Because Indonesian Warriors need at least 9 hours of rest a night in order to stay sharp. Mark and Elektra engage in some mindless banter, including that Abby's mother died in car crash, before Elektra says she needs to call it a night. She thanks him for the meal and in the blink of an eye is gone.
More flashbacks about blurry demons killing dear old mom. What a coincidence! Abby's mom has passed away as well. Abby seems to have the same obsessive compulsive tendencies as Elektra. Could there be something more to this girl that Mr. Mom isn't letting on?
When the mysterious mastermind finally does get in touch... guess who the hit is on. The spunky teen, Abby and her romantic lead of a father, Mark. Bet you didn't see that coming. What you also aren't supposed to see coming is the fact that Elektra can't go through with the job. She pulls out. While telling McCabe, he says that they will just end up finding someone else.
Elektra knows all! She realizes that the someone they'll send will be coming soon if not already there. She goes to talk to Mark and find out why anyone would want them dead. She arrives just in time to thwart the assassins, while stealthy, apparently they can only move at the speed of stupid and are easily done away with by Elektra, decomposing in a cloud of green crazy knock-out gas.
Run, kids! Run! Just grab whatever you can and get the hell out of there now! The Hand is coming. The Hand, I tells ya!!
Back at the Imperial Buffet and Bad Guy Emporium a meeting is being held. Kirigi enters explaining that the gassy ninja Roshi's right hand man sent have failed. It's time for the A-Team. Kirigi introduces the extras from the last season of HBO's Carnivale. Stone, a mighty club-wielding behemoth. Your typical strong dumb guy. Every team has one. Typhoid, the disease-ridden Elvira wanna-be. Some kids just never grow out of the Goth phase. This girl is bad news. Tattoo, the dwarf from Fantasy Island. Only now Tattoo is taller and covered from head to toe in body art thus making it nearly impossible for him to ever get a 9 to 5 suit and tie job. Can you imagine Casual Fridays? Roshi sends them off to obtain The Treasure. On the way out Typhoid gives a curious onlooker a nasty cough and cold sore. See? Told you she was bad news.
Elektra takes the Millers to meet Stick. She finds him hustling seedy bar patrons for money. Does he really need it? Once you've been a master martial artist is that all there is left to do? Instead of getting help, Stick helps Elektra to a taste of pool table felt. Stick sends Elektra away. "Big old blind meanie," Elektra scowls and stomps off. She leaves the Millers with Stick even though he didn't really say he'd help. Abby follows Elektra outside and begs her to stay with them. Elektra notices an odd bird painting on the brick wall. It blinks! She instructs them to get in the vehicle and they leave quickly. I told you idiots The Hand was coming.
As they drive off, Abby is asking all sort of personal questions and about two gum smacks from finding herself on the sharp end of a sai. Elektra complains about being a Soccer Mom. While I don't really blame her for being annoyed, she seems to have this odd relationship developing with Abby. She doesn't like her yet, but doesn't really not like her. She'll protect her from others only so she can kill her out of being bothered herself. God bless dysfunctional families. I can see the future holidays get togethers now. "Grandpa Stick. Tell me another story about when you dressed up as a woman and drove around the Outback of Australia!"
Once they reach McCabe's house, he reluctantly lets them crash. Don't you know he's thinking, "if I die trying to protect your red-leather ass, I'm SO gonna haunt you." Meanwhile, Abby pleads with her father to let her tell Elektra her secret. He says that she shouldn't because.. hey! Remember when she tried to kill you guys? Oh that's another funny story. Abby says that Elektra is a friend. Apparently not ejecting her, backseat and all, James Bond style has some how made them *heart* B.F.F. *heart* Hearing this Mark decides that he needs to get him some of that and succumbs to the sexual tension between him and Elektra. They kiss, despite her disclaimer that she's not a good person to get involved with. He apologizes for the kiss. She bats her Elektra-lashes and says she hated it too.
The next day Abby still has her switch set from Brooding to Perky. She examines and begins playing with Elektra's sais. For as OCD as they are playing Elektra off, I'm surprised she lets Abby do this. I'm surprised she doesn't give her a good scar to remember the lesson of Never Touch the Mean Red Leather Lady's Weapons. But they are best friends forever now so I guess it's ok. She asks Abby if she wants to learn something really difficult. Abby, agrees. They sit down on the floor and Elektra begins to explain kimagori. It can be used for all sorts of things, including bringing back the dead, as Stick once did to her. While Elektra hasn't mastered the power yet she has learned enough to see the future and keep herself alive. That'd be good enough for me. She explains to Abby how to enter a meditative state and before you know it Elektra "has left the building." Abby tries to do the same, but quickly tires of meditating and turns annoying. She tries to wake Elektra. She waves her hand in front of her face. Let's see her do that to Stick and watch her get a taste of pool table felt. But before Abby can startle Elektra, Elektra scares Abby with a loud scream. Which I'm thinking, while this Gilmore Girls moment is seemingly funny I can't imagine screaming in a house where you are being hunted by freaky ninjas a good thing. That's a good way to get shot. Mark comes in to see what's going on. McCabe rushes in as well, and noticing a bird perched outside the window. He shoots at it, claiming that it's been hanging around a lot the last couple of days. Sheesh. Paranoid much? Oh, but with good reason.
Kirigi and his gang are on the way. They've found them thanks to Tattoo's bird. McCabe's instructs Elektra to take the Millers down to the basement where there is a tunnel that will lead them away from the farm. McCabe will hold them off while he plots he nether-world haunting revenge on Elektra once he's dead. Kirigi comes in and uses his own version of kimogori to find out where they went, right before killing McCabe.
As Elektra rushes Abby to Mark to safety, Kirigi and his cohorts are already on their trail. Tattoo releases the beast within. Two wolves leap from his body. They split up and take off in a beam of growling light. Typhoid helps with deforestation and suddenly I'm reminded of an episode of Captain Planet. Stone does his own thing. Smashy. Smashy. Elektra instructs Abby and Mark to hide in the same cave that the Hobbit hid from the Wraits, while she deals with Stone. I should write a grant. Because there seems to be a inverse correlation between the strength of a villan and their intelligence. Elektra tries to stab Stone in the back with her blade and shatters it like ice. They don't call him Stone for nothing, girlie. They tussle a bit before Elektra takes to the trees. Stone throws his club at the tree and smashes a slice out of it bring the tree right down on top of him. Ok. So I was thinking... This guy is so impervious to punctures and presumably he got the name Stone for a reason. Bullets... Swords... Nothing. Yet a falling tree does him in. While effective, it just seemed to easy.
The wolves are next to find them. Elektra tells them to keep running, while she deals with them. What could they do to help? She's just a kid and his just a romantic lead actor. Abby breaks free of Mark's hold and goes out to help Elektra fend off the baddies. She takes off her bracelet, it glows as she thrashes it about like an expert. She takes down one bad guy before Elektra's eyes. Stunned by this occurrence she doesn't realize that Typhoid is right behind her. She spins Elektra around and plants a long deadly kiss on her. And yup... I'm gay, as this scene of girl-on-girl action is lost on me. Elektra is down!
Before things can get any worse, Stick and his clan show up to save the day. Well, not so much save it, as just stop it. Kirigi leaves, taking his remaining mutants with him.
Elektra is dreaming again and I hope this is going somewhere because there is only so many pointless flashbacks I can take. But before we can get a really good look at the shadowy killer this time, she is revived... again. I'm sure Stick really enjoys reviving her dead ass every few years. And we're at Stick's training camp in Japan? I dunno... The locations of these places are confusing me. I could presume they were in the Pacific Northwest in the beginning, but then to go from nowhere, to urban, to farmland ranch, to forrest, to Japan!? How are they traveling so quickly? And where is the Imperial Palace Buffet and Bad Guy Emporium supposed to be located?
Elektra asks Stick if this was all part of a test. Sending her away. Setting her up to kill Abby and Mark. Like I said... Good family stories to tell the grandkids. Abby is learning to fight, but she is already better than most. She is a natural. Later we see Abby playing with Elektra's sais again. I'm telling you. Give an inch. Take a mile. She'll be borrowing her clothes, next you know. Elektra walks up to her room, counting as she goes. See?! She counts too. I told you it was important. Abby and Elektra have a friendly spar. Elektra wins, but says that Abby will be MUCH better than her very soon. Yet, Abby just wants to be a normal girl. Well, you should've thought about that before deciding to be a bad girl in school.
That night Elektra is walking around the compound and enters the 'spirit realm' and speaks to Kirigi about settling this fight for Abby. They decide to meet at Elektra's childhood home. Which is also in Japan? Seriously, folks... Where are these people?
She changes into her red outfit. It's about time. It's her most recognizable feature. If someone is too see this movie on cable someday they might confuse it for an episode of Alias. Not that it's a bad thing.
Kirigi sets a fiery trap for Kirigi's own set of gassy ninjas. They just don't make henchman like they used to make them. Back at the House of Sticks, Abby wakes up and realizes that Elektra isn't there. Back in the mansion Elektra a room of furniture which is covered in the perfect visual effect a fight scene could make use of. Sheets! Lots of sheets. As Kirigi and Elektra fight, the sheets fly around the room blocking your vision from most of the really good moves. Just as Elektra is about to join her dead mother Abby comes in and saves the day with her magical bangle of smiting +1. The tables turn and now Abby is on the killing end of Kirigi's blade. So it's only fair Elektra return the favor. The head out of the mansion and into a hedge maze. Do all mansions have hedge mazes? I'd have one, but I'm just wondering if they come standard or if that is an option.
They get separated running through the maze. Tattoo and Typhoid show up to help. Tattoo release a metric poopload of snakes that take off after Abby. Thus giving her a new neurosis on top of being slightly OCD. Typhoid finds the snake covered Abby. She tried to fight her using her Bangle of Smiting +1, but Typhoid rusts it away. Abby goes down with a long sweet kiss goodnight. Typhoid is a little jealous of not being The Treasure anymore and decides to keep this little death a secret all to herself. Elsewhere, Elektra and Kirigi battle anti-climatically. Elektra recalls that it was Kirigi who killed her mom. Kirigi meets her sai in perfect position to fall right down the well they were fighting around. Elektra looks up and goes second-sight and sees Abby dead with Typhoid standing over her. She launches a sai through several hedged and strikes Typhoid squarely in the back.
Elektra picks up Abby's body and takes it back to the mansion and puts her in bed. Elektra sits next to the girls body and cries. Which, once again, they're best friends again. Elektra recalls Stick's parlor trick of bringing back the dead. Can she do it?! Of course she can, because how can you kill the kid the hero is supposed to save. Abby wakes up and they hug.
The next morning Abby is doing well. She asks Elektra to sign her Stick High School yearbook and then they giggle about boys. Riding this euphoric wave of good feelings Elektra goes to Mark and kisses him. Abby is upset that Elektra is leaving, but she is sure they'll meet again. Elektra leaves the mansion and meets up with Stick outside. She tells him that she doesn't want Abby to turn out like her. Stick shows the first bit of compassion by saying that Elektra didn't turn out so bad. She comments that the second life is sometimes better than the first. So hopefully in Elektra case her third one. |
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I posted this @ 6/01/2005 07:18:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
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