| 10/21/2005 |
CATCH MY DISEASE
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I write this blog with the intentions of being entertaining, humorous, somewhat informatively educational, and typically personal. After all it is my blog, and thus a place to put my heart and soul in a window display for my close friends, family, and whatever random stranger to take a gander at.
But... I'm warning you now. This entry may be a little more than you really need to know about me. Because I'm going to tell you about my rash.
If you haven't clicked away to some other more entertaining website then you are a trooper. While I don't understand your need to hear about my rash, I don't understand my need to tell you more.
For quite some time I've had a rash on the back of my neck/hairline that I couldn't seem to shake. I figured it was just annoy adult acne. Which... acne? I'm 31 years old. Can't I shake it by now? I guess not because it will come and go. Sometimes it is worse than others. I was self conscious enough about it that when it itched (and it does itch!) that I'm sure people thought I had dandruff. Nothing of the sort. Dandruff I could handle. A little Head 'n' Shoulders and I'd be good to go.
I'd had a similar breakout on my chest, which... Ye-aaah! I was feeling super sexy! I did some research and thought that I should switch soaps and shampoos in case it was an allergy. I went with something anti-bacterial. It couldn't hurt. Kill it! What ever IT was...
I thought that I was allergic to the detergent or fabric softener that I use to wash the bedding. But I've used several different ones over the course of all this and nothing seems to help.
I started noticing it more around the front of my neck as well. Shit! Was it spreading? It made it difficult to shave because my neck would be bright friggin' red and irritated. Even if I just grew a beard, I still did a bit of manscaping around my neck so I didn't look like I'd just been voted off Survivor around Day 28.
I finally gave in and made an appointment to see a dermatologist. I'd never been to a dermatologist before. While I know that any number of people can go to a dermatologist for any number of reasons I had it worked up in my head that this would be like the Turn-Your-Head-And-Cough Tests that doctors do. Necessary, but awkward. While at work I called to make an appointment with Dr. Papenfuss. And it... Papenfuss? What the hell kind of a name? My coworkers were in the room at the time when I made the call. As I explained my reason for the visit I could feel my face turning slightly red. "I have a rash."
Because I'm a dirty dirty boy! But I wash! I do. Regularly... with soap even!
The appointment was made. I was somewhat nervous about the visit. I'm not a nervous patient. Hospitals and doctors don't bother me. Unless you are planning on sticking something in my eye. When I walked into the office I half-expected to see lepers and people so terribly pox-ridden that they were typically banished to late night informercials as "Before Models" for some miracle treatment.
So perhaps, I can be a little dramatic at times... It was not like that at all. The waiting room was uneventful. I was called back to be examined. The physician's assistant asked me a couple generic health questions before getting down to business. "What seems to be the problem?"
Let me just say, that if you work in a profession where a persons appearance may be in question and a cause of self-esteem issues, do not offer guesses as to why they may be calling upon your services. Hair loss? Adult acne? A little Bo? Let the patient tell you. Not the other way around.
"I have a rash on the back of my neck." I explained to her about my suspicions of it being allergy related. I told her that it seemed worse when I'd just had my hair cut. She takes one look and states, "It's probably felecutis." Or at least that is what I thought she said. It was mumbled. She didn't say it with much conviction, but quickly enough to sound pretty knowledgeable of the possibilities.
She left me in the exam room to wait for the doctor. In the meantime I stared at a wall of pamphlets about acne, laser removal of birthmarks and tattoos, hair replacement, and botox. Fun. Exam rooms need better reading material if they are going to make you wait much longer than it takes for you to decide that you need any of the treatments available in examination room pamphlets.
Papenfuss came in and introduced himself. While I was prepared for the type of "I've seen it all" demeanors that some doctors have, I was not prepared for said doctor to be wearing a welder's mask. Or at least the medical version of a welder's mask. I'm not spewing anything. Am I contagious? I expected E.T. to come running out of the closet and make a bee-line for the door.
He asked the same type of questions his PA did. I gave him the same explanation. He took one look at the back of my head and came to a conclusion. "Ah, yes. Folliculitus with a mild case of excema." Sounds sexy! Though, he was a bit clearer to understand. Excema I was familiar with. Folliculitus made sense in terms of what it was called and what was going on. Yes, basically my hair hates me. He rattled off several different treatments that he was going to prescribe me. A strong antibiotic to knock out the infection from the inside out. A topical solution to apply to my scalp. Finally, a medicated shampoo.
Nothing makes you feel quite like a junior high nerd than the phrase medicated shampoo. It like that episode of The Simpson's where Bart goes in for an exam and the doctor prescribes him orthopedic shoes, pop bottle glasses for a vision problem, and a salve for his scalp. Very Nutty Professor!
The PA was nice enough to come back and explain which of the prescriptions did what and how long it would take to take effect. She also brought in some samples of the stuff the Doc prescribed. She was acting all hush-hush about it. Which... if she was doing out of the kindness of her heart and under the radar. Well... Thank you. I'm sorry I didn't get your name. She was pretty nice for a PA who deals with some pretty ugly stuff, I'd imagine.
When I get to where I can look up the diagnosis and the meds I was prescribed I found out that the antibiotic I was on was typically used to treat acne, folliculitus, gonorrhea, and chlamydia.
Excellent!
While getting the prescription filled, I enjoyed the raised-eyebrow look from the Pill Jockey at Walgreen's. "I'm here for my Clap meds! I take them just in case. You can never be too careful. What's the stuff used to make meth? Give me a couple of boxes of that too while you're at it."
It's always something with my hair. If it's not growing places I want it, it's growing in places I don't. If it's not jumping off of my head it's refusing to peek out at all and causing infections. Stupid hair... |
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I posted this @ 10/21/2005 11:37:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
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