The Comical Misadventures of a Rambling Mind

If you were stranded on a desert island, which one person would you bring with you?

2010-04-30T07:20:00.001-07:00

I think it's pretty obvious the one person I'd bring with me. Tho, I don't think he'd like the heat or the sandy beaches too much.

Ask me anything

TOP CHEF 5.11 - Strippin' (SPOILERS)

2009-11-17T17:15:00.000-08:00

My apologies on not getting a recap out sooner... An itchy trigger finger on my remote ended up erasing last weeks Top Chef before I had a chance to sit down, rewatch it, and recap it.

From breakfast in bed to a night out on the town. The cheftestants are kept busy this morning making and delivering room service order for Padma and her sleepover mate Nigella Lawson.

Allow me a moment to talk about Nigella... She is insane. I mean, I'm sure she is clinically sane, but she has a tendency to act like a sex-crazed lunatic over food. I LOVE HER! She is like a bobblehead. Have you seen her show? She has a small O every time she whips up some dish in the kitchen that just excites her sense. Plus, I love her accent.

Anyway...

Padma & Nigella are waiting in bed for the chefs to bring them their spin on breakfast. Jennifer serves up Shit On A Shingle. She actually calls it that and gives it to them like that. Whether or not the dish was creative or winning, I just thought it was hilarious that she actually says that to the judges. It was kind of awesome. Jennifer has mentally checked out.

But Jennifer's shit is good... or at least better than Robin's blintzes. Bryan ended up in the bottom as well because the vanilla he used in his dish was too overpowering.

Kevin and Eli are in the top. Kevin's take on steak and eggs are a hit (as always). Eli tossed together his version of a rueben for breakfast. Now that I think about it, maybe that's why I've been craving a Ruenben lately. Damn you, Eli!

Eli ends up taking the top honor with his breakfast Rueben, Brueben if you will. His Bruenben will the only recipe from this season to go in the Top Chef Quickfire Cookbook. Brueben or not, he doesn't get immunity.

For their Elimination Challenge they take a tour of The Strip and must create a dish inspired by one of the casinos. The draw knives to determine which casino they will visit. The must create 175 portions of their casino-inspired dish.

This seems like an easy challenge, but also an easy challenge to get tripped up by. I've been to Vegas. I spent the three days walking around with a libation in my hand. I recall the fountains outside the Bellagio. I also remember a slew of porn promoters flicking strippers collector's cards, much like baseball cards. So the dish that I might create based on my experience might be biased

Jennifer pulled Excalibur. She made New York strip with a red wine reduction, beets, truffles and herbs. The idea was to be like the sword in the stone. Though I'm not sure the whole stone/meat comparison was a good idea.

Kevin drew the Mirage. He made wild Alaskan sockeye salmon with Napa cabbage and cucumber.

Brother Mike had New York New York. He cooked a boneless chicken wing confit with curry and a blue cheese disc.

Robin pulled the Bellagio. She prepared panna cotta. She also made a sugar topping that was supposed to resemble a Dale Chihuly sculpture in the casino. It didn't work out and she never used it.

Bryan drew Mandalay Bay. He made an escabeche of halibut with bouillabaisse consommé, parsley coulis and garlic chips.

Eli had Circus, Circus and made a caramel apple peanut soup with popcorn and raspberry froth.

In the top were Kevin, Brother Mike, and Bryan. The winner... Brother Mike! I'm sure he'll be happy considering he's been bitching for a while now about not winning.

In the bottom were Robin, Eli, and Jennifer. (AGAIN!) I find it intersting that the people that took the challenge a little too literally are the ones in the bottom.

The person packing it in... ROBIN!!! I can't say I'm saddened by this. She out stayed her welcome. She out lasted her entertainment value. She wasn't going to win.

I think the final few contestants have been pretty obvious from the beginning. I wouldn't have picked her to be anywhere close to the finals. So I'm not upset she's gone. But now who will be the person that the show focuses it's ire on? Eli... I'm looking at you!

TOP CHEF 5.10 - She Don't Eat Meat, But She Sure Likes The Bone (SPOILERS)

2009-10-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

It's another day in the Top Chef Barbie Dream House. Jen is embarrassed that lost she Restaurant Wars last week. She's been on a streak in a bad way. The pressure of constant competition... The pressure of being judged on every bite... The pressure is getting to her and she's starting to crack.

The usual Robin-isms apply here yet again. I'm not even going to bother going over. I'm honestly bored with this storyline. They can send her home anytime. She's outlasted her welcome on this show. She's hanging out in the kitchen and we catch her toss out this nugget of wisdom, "Waiting for coffee is like watching water boil." Which... Correct me if I'm wrong, waiting for water to boil is essentially what she's doing. Or at least waiting for boiling hot water to to slowly leak through coffee flecks. Your Moment of Zen, brought to you by Robin.

In the Top Chef kitchens Padma is waiting with Paul Bartolotta, Italian chef, surprisingly NOT a former Top Chef Masters contestant. Their challenge is simple. They have "60 Minutes" to create a modern "tv dinner" based on a television show. The editors of TV Guide have chosen seven classic shows to use as inspiration. Knives are drawn to determine chef/show.

Kevin - Sopranos
Eli - Gilligan's Island
Jennifer - The Flintstones
Robin - Sesame Street
Bryan - M*A*S*H
Mikey - Seinfeld
Brother Mike - Cheers

Robin is scavenging food from the kitchen. If she can't find what she needs she is going chef to chef asking to borrow some of what they've grabbed from the kitchen. I can't say I wouldn't do this too, but it is a competition. If you don't get the items you want there is no rule that says you'd have to share. Though, clearly people share all the time. It's just that these folks don't want to share with Robin.

Robin never really watched Sesame Street, but she knows a little about it. Cookies for Cookie Monster. An egg to represent Big Bird. Really? I'm thinking colors... numbers... maybe a deaf food. Sesame Street is where I first learned any Spanish. If this was me cooking, I'd toss in something Mexican as a play on that.

Brother Mike has let's us in on a little family moment. When he and Bryan lived with his Mom it was very wholesome, dinner on the table by five, Donna Reed-esque. Then moving in with his father it was dinner around the TV. I can relate to that. The only time I ever got to eat dinner in front of the TV was if we have company over and we didn't have enough chairs. I opted to take my food to my room or to the living room to eat and watch TV.

Brother Mike, with Cheers, wants to do a play of food you'd find in a bar. My thinking would be to do a beer battered fish and chips sorta thing.

Jennifer is struggling. She wants to make some meat with a bone sticking out of it. Yet there is nothing like that in the fridge. She picks chicken instead. Then the interview turns weird... This is the moment that I learn a little more about Jennifer than I ever needed to know. Jennifer must have clearly been asked which character she relates to from The Flintstones. She picks Pebbles because she's cute and has a strong boyfriend in Bam Bam. She isn't sure about him carrying a club and dragging her around by her hair, but "you never know. It could be fun sometimes." WHAT!? Well, I suppose a little light S&M never hurt anyone. Bruises mean love.

Eli's amused to get Gilligan's Island, because he says it's about 20 years before his TV time. And immediately I hate him for his age. Not that it makes me old, but because it makes me think I'm old. It's Gilligan's Island! Even if you didn't watch it when it originally aired it was in syndication for decades! Don't monkey scratch your head at it like it's the giant monolith in 2001.

Jennifer has made a chicken roulade with garlic cream, pea salad & caramelized peaches. Her TV dinner tray looks very bare...

Mikey admits he's never seen Seinfeld as he presents sausage & peppers, mushrooms & cheese, and a warm fruit salad. They don't mention it in the captions for the dish, but he serves a spinach pistachio puree that looks like a pool of bright green liquid. How would you eat that? Why would you eat that?

Kevin gives braised meatballs, creamy polenta, roasted cauliflower, roasted pear. So far this seems like the most TV Dinner-ish dinner. You've got your protein, your mushy stuff, your fruit, and your veggie. Plus the meatballs are clearly Italian. Way to go, Kevin!

Eli prepares a macadamia crusted shrimp, sweet potato puree, herb salad, cherries & bananas. I can see "island" in this, but I'd think overall that this would be way to sweet of a dish.

Brother Mike presents chicken tender Parmesan with braised Swiss chard, and cherry pie. The chicken tender kinda seems like 'bar food' I suppose. But I'm not totally sold as how it's Cheer's-esque.

Robin explains her Sesame Street motif. She thinks of colors and big eyes!! She mades what looks like a hamburger patty with an egg cooked in the middle... to represent a big eye? Yum! She gives a burger with egg (I WAS RIGHT), crispy kale, carrot salad, and almond laced cookie.

Bryan has cooked meatloaf, mashed potato, asparagus & apple tarte tatin. To me, this seems almost too much like a TV dinner. Not a TV dinner that's been made by a Top Chef, but Top Chef making a TV dinner. I could go to the store right now and buy that same tv dinner. Plus I'm not getting M*A*S*H out of this. Unless you count mashed potatoes... I would be thinking Korean Asian foods and flavors.

I've got to be honest with you... Even though there were some good and bad tv dinners served, I didn't get how most of them were really inspired by the television show each chef drew.

In the bottom are the ladies... Robin and Jennifer. Jennifer's pea salad wasn't good and her chicken roulade completely missed it's target. Robin's burger was dry and overall not very special.

In the top are Bryan and Kevin. Kevin's meatball was excellent and clearly very Italian. His pears were perfectly cooked. Bryan's food was overall just plain delicious. In the end... Kevin's the winner with his Soprano's inspired meatball dinner. Can we just crown him champ and get on with it?

There is no more immunity, though I don't think Kevin needs it. Even tho he was in the bottom last week. The only choices were top or bottom. There was no middle ground to skate through. Even though he may not have won immunity a version of his meal with be featured from the Schwann's Home Service foods as a new line of Top Chef inspired meals. Seriously? The Padma Bot 5000 was clearly switched to Promote again. She's pimping the hell out of shit today. TV Guide, Schwann's, and Top Chef's new line of products. All within 15 minutes of the show being on.

For their Elimination Challenge they will be taking over Craftsteak, Chef Tom Collicchio's restaurant at the MGM Grand for one night. At first I'm thinking it will be like the last time they did something similar. They were basically running the show in his restaurant. Instead, they are just making use of his kitchen to serve dinner to a very special guest. Once at Craftsteak, Tom is there to explain they will be serving dinner to actress Natalie Portman and a few other guests. Natalie Portman walks in looking STUNNING! Seriously y'all... Mark called me and pointed out, it takes a lot to make Padma look like a slouch, but Natalie Portman did it with ease.

Eli points out that the only thing Natalie Portman is known for is her role in Star Wars 1, 2, & 3. And with that statement Eli seals the deal on Geekiest Chef Ever On Top Chef. You know he's used the Force on his lightsaber a few times, if you get my drift. Some lonely night while watching the Star Wars trilogies in his parents basement... AAAAND now I just went to that scary visual place that you need Comet for your brain to get rid of.

Natalie drops the bomb that she is a vegetarian. You can see that some of the chefs look like they've been kicked in the nuts. Cooking a vegetarian dish in a steak house? Even the steak is offended. Kevin points out the obvious that all the chefs how have to change their dishes because they thought they were going to cooking orgasmic meat dishes. Instead of giving Natalie Portman a meat-gasm they have to wow her with veggies. Veg-gasm?

Jennifer is in the weeds and she's not even started cooking. Her meat dish is now vegetarian. She calls out she wants to use morels and Robin chimes in that both her and Kevin are using the mushrooms. She opts not to use those and picks eggplants which Eli is also using. In true Top Chef fairness they flip a dried piece of fruit to determine who gets the eggplants. Eli wins. Jennifer ends up getting these mini eggplants that are so cute! Though, I can't imagine they are going to be as fulfilling to cook with. Mikey is going for something he's calling a leek scallop. I'm having a hard time understanding how that will work.

Kevin utters the sad line of "my wife and I"... and hundreds of Kevin hoyay fantasies have been crushed. THANKS TOP CHEF...

Kitchen chaos ensues! Robin is making a dish she's never made before. She is literally overwhelmed by the options of freshness. It seems pretty risky to try and make something you've never done before during an elimination challenge. Go big or go home, I guess. Robin doesn't seem like that type. Even though Eli doesn't see vegetarians as equals he has a plan to wow them with his dish. He's tired of being in the middle of the pack on the show. Mikey is having issues with his preparation. His leeks aren't cooking because the pan is warped and not getting direct contact with the flattop. Jennifer isn't happy. At all... She only cooks vegetarian if she has too. Girlfriend has got to get her shit together and FAST or she'll be going home.

Robin offers stuffed squash blossom, beet carpaccio, fresh garbanzo beans, and chermoula. Everyone seems to find it overly salty. She doesn't get garbanzo beans on all the dishes. Chef Paul shares his with Chef Tom.

Eli has made confit of eggplant, lentils, garlic puree, and radish salad. Everyone seems to be enjoying it. Personally, I've never enjoyed a salad that is strewn all over my plate that I have to chase around to eat what amounts to a half-bite. When Eli gets back to the kitchen he comments to Brother Mike that Natalie has "like 10 reeeeally hot friends." Remember what I was saying about Eli and his parents basement? Yeah... just let that one sink in for a moment.

Brother Mike cooks up an asparagus salad, Japanese tomato sashimi, and banana polenta. There is a mixed reaction to the dish, but not in a bad way. Confused. Exciting. Glad. He is compared to Picasso again. I wonder if Natalie friend who made the Picasso comment knows Ash?

Jennifer has prepared charred baby eggplant, braised fennel, tomatoes and verjus nage. Jen is adding the sauce table side. Which seems like a HORRIBLE idea... I'm nervous for her! She's clearly nervous and some of the guests end up a little 'sauced' themselves. The editors are killing me showing her go nervously and shakily from diner to diner. In the end her dish looks more like a side, rather than an entree.

Mikey has made whole roasted leeks with onion jus, baby carrot puree, and fingerling potatoes. The leeks don't look like scallops to me. Nor are they prepared well. Overall it's a sad dish.

Bryan cooks an artichoke barigoule, confit of shallot, wild asparagus, and fennel puree. Padma makes a comment about the the garlic blossoms being "like a little prick on the tip of her tongue." Padma goes on to say teh garlic blossom may be "tiny in size, but big in your mouth." Natalie can't hold back the laughter at the sound of that and the dick jokes fly. Chef Tom is red with laughter. The person looking most uncomfortable is Quickfire Judge Paul Bartolotta.

Kevin prepares a duo of mushrooms, smoked kale, candied garlic, and turnip purée. Ok... Now I clearly love me some Kevin, but this looks like a pile of wet forest floor scrapings. Kevin admits that his dish isn't as pretty as some of the other dishes. He instructs the servers on placement by using the "brown streak in the front." That alone should tell you it's not a pretty dish. You eat with your eyes first people.

I wonder how many Padma / Padme (Star Wars) jokes were made during this challenge. You know they all came from Eli. You know he was the only one who found them funny.

The is a bonus clip shown during commercials where the cheftestants are invited to chef Paul Bartolotta's restaurant for dinner. Everyone looks thrilled to be there and WHOA!! JENNIFER!! What's with the Just Had Sex Hair? Seriously, y'all... I don't know if she did this on purpose or the Vegas heat has made her loopy. But, damn! In the meanwhile Kevin is talking about being a Power Eater and makes some joke about going to a buffet after their meal and Chef Paul's restaurant. But I'm too distracted by what is clearly a seemingly drunken Jennifer's hair. It cracks me up that she's all gussied up and then after eating leans back and tosses her arms out. All that's missing is a manly belch and for her to stick her hand down the from of her pants a la Al Bundy. Alas, she does neither of these things.

At Judge's Table... Kevin, Brother Mike, and Eli. Eli is just as shocked as the rest of us. They loved the unexpectedness of Brother Mike's banana polenta. Natalie makes the comment that she loves food that makes you question, "What is going on? Who is his dealer and does he want any clients." Thus Natalie secures a place in my heart. I want to have margaritas with her.

Gail has returned as judge and comments on the beautifulness of Eli's dish. That's about the only accolades he's going to get though. They are too in love with Kevin's pile of flavorful forest droppings. Big surprise that Kevin is named the winner. As a result he wins a suite of GE appliances like the ones they've been using in the Top Chef Kitchen. "Sweet," chirps Kevin. I'm sure he'll have fun using them to cook veggies with his wife. Grr!

Brother Mike is now emerging as the villain of the show as he is shown talking down about Kevin's dish. He could've made that dish in twenty minutes he claims.

Eli announces the bad news of Jennifer, Mikey, and Robin being in the bottom. It's been a while since Mikey has been called out solely as a bottom dish. He's clearly upset, more with himself. They call him out for his lack of protein in his dish. He mentioned about how his leeks didn't cook properly because of equipment. That just seems like a bad idea to even bring up. I know he wasn't blaming Chef Tom, but it is Chef Tom's kitchen. I'd be nervous about even dancing near that topic.

Robin elaborates about her dish in only a way Robin can. She literally drones on and on. Jennifer nods off at one point. Padma has to reach over and stir Natalie from her own slumber. Finally Tom has the good sense to just shut her up and call her out on her dishes issues. Bless you, Tom!

Padma questions Jennifer about the time spent on what amounted to a side dish. Two hours to cook what essentially didn't amount to much. They also ask her why she is suddenly so nervous and falling apart. Remember in the beginning of this season why she was coming off as the self proclaimed bitch and ran her kitchens with an iron fist? That's the Jennifer I want back! That's the Jennifer I want in the finales. Not this neutered self-conscious wall flower who is tossing sauce all over judges.

Speaking of sauced judges... what the fuck is Gail wearing?

In the end... Mikey is sent packing. He is gracious yet still has a 'meh' attitude about it. He doesn't seem really upset about it. He is wishing everyone good bye at Judge's Table, and when he goes to wish Jennifer goodbye she gives him a big hug and kiss. It apparently was pretty emotional at that moment because Gail seems a little verklempt herself.

Sorry to see you go, Mike. Watching you was an up and down affair for me. I didn't care for you, but I didn't think you'd go home just yet. I pegged you as #4 or #5 in the end. See you at the reunion!

Washington Post aritcle about Mikey

TOP CHEF 5.9 - The Hostess With The Mostess (SPOILERS)

2009-10-22T08:23:00.001-07:00

Previously on Top Chef... Everybody hates Ro-... You know what? Just go back and read my last two or three recaps. They've all been pounding in the same point to us. Robin is disliked. Strongly. And Robin is well aware of it.

I found out an interesting fact on Padma this week. I've always wondered what her cooking background was, or if she even had one. She had a short lived cooking show on that other 'network' about 'food'. Even had a few recipes listed on their website. She's written a book on food/travel. Until very recently she was married to Salman Rushdie. Yes, THAT Salman Rushdie. So she's not just a talking head.

You might remember this weeks guest judge from his shot on Top Chef Masters. I've come to the conclusion that they must've filmed both TCM and TC at the same time. Because there have been a LOT of guest judges who were on both. It would also explain why the regular Top Chef judges weren't available to judge Top Chef Masters. But I digress...

The cheftestants are asked to draw knives. As they go down the line, most of the chefs are drawing blanks. Literally. There is nothing written on their knives. It isn't until they come to Jennifer who draws a knife saying "First". Moving on down the line... a few more blanks pulled and it's down to the last two knives. Bryan and Brother Mike are left. Bryan asks his brother which knife he wants. Brother Mike snips at him to just pick a knife. Bryan pulls a blank. Brother Mike pulls "Second". What this means is that Jennifer has first choice of three other people she wants on her team. Brother Mike will choose second. It's a schoolyard style pick.

Jennifer, after some debate about whether or not to split up the Voltaggio Brothers, picks Kevin, Laurine, & Mikey. Brother Mike takes Bryan (obviously), Eli, and Robin. Robin was the last one to be picked. So I'm not sure I can say Brother Mike actually selected her. Robin's self-awareness of her order in the food chain seems to be shown a bit more. She knows where she stands with these people. Yet, she is still there and she's going to cook the best food she can. She's a brave little toaster...

Padma explains the rules to this Highstakes Quickfire. It's a relay. Each chef will have 10 minutes to cook. A whistle will blow and the next chef takes over. Each team will be preparing one dish in 40 minutes. They can not speak to each other. They can not see each other, because if you're not cooking yet, you're blindfolded. The team with the best cohesive dish after 40 minutes will win $10,000 to besplit amongst them. They're given 30 seconds to decide the order that they will be cooking.

For Jen's Team (Blue) - Jen, Laurine, Mikey, & Kevin. The idea being that Jen can whip out the mise en place quickly and get things started. Laurine and Mikey will keep things moving. Kevin and his plating skills will wrap things up.

For Brother Mike's Team (Red) - Eli will start out of relay since he can easily see what the fridge would have and make good selections. Robin is placed safely in the middle where she isn't responsible for picking anything goofy or a final product. Bryan will go third and team leader Brother Mike will plate the dish. There is some tension running between the brothers today and it's getting thick.

Jen and Eli are ready to run to their stations. The other chefs are blindfolded. Aaaaaand COOK!!!

Jen manages to set her team up pretty quick. She grabs some fish and scallops. Gets a sauce started. And has some olive oil ready to poach her fish in. Laurine comes in and takes over. She figures out the sauce pretty quickly, but the olive oil confuses her. Is it for frying? She powers through the best she can. Mikey is up to bat and he too in confused about the oil, but presumes Jen wanted them to poach something. He keeps on going with the cooking, but it isn't until Kevin comes in that you can see the dish come together. The olive oil is too hot to poach anything so he lightly fries the sablefish in butter. He doesn't use the scallops, and brings the sauce into play on the dish.

On Brother Mike's Team... Eli is quick to grab what he needs from the fridge and pantry and has set a good pace. Strip steak, veggies, avocado. Robin comes in a seems a bit confused by all ingredients, and manages to baby most of the food and not screw anything up. Bryan comes in and puts together a avocado puree (GUACAMOLE!!), and starts a whipped miso. Brother Mike swings for the fences pulling all these ingredients together.

Red Team has cooked a Pan roasted NY strip with whipped miso, avocado purée and pickled vegetables. Blue Team has prepared sablefish with sautéed mushrooms, shiitake broth and radish salad in yuzu vinaigrette. During Jen's explanation of the dish she calls the fish trout. "On national TV," she laments and gives a thumbs up.

Chef Moonen picks the Blue Team as the winners. Padma explains the Highstakes part of the challenge now. They can either take the $10,000 and split it or let it ride and if they win the Elimination Challenge they EACH get $10,000. They choose to let it ride. I can't say that I blame them. They have a strong team. While Laurine is the weakest link on the team she's no slacker. The other team has Robin. Laurine comments that it's nice to be on the winning end of things.

I do find it interesting that the only time Laurine has won has been when she's been on a team. It's not for her own individual cooking abilities, but for what she's contributed to the overall dish. Which brings me to another point. There is a very clear line between who's good and who's not this season. The Voltaggio Brother, Kevin, and Jennifer are clearly in the top. While everyone else is not. Not that they aren't good chefs, but they aren't going to win. Id on't recall past seasons being so divided.

Padma starts 'splainin the Elimination Challenge. They will be using Chef Moonen's Las Vegas restaurant as the location for Restaurant Wars. This challenge has easily become the one challenge that all chefs look forward to. It is a badge of honor to win this challenge. This is what these people do for a living. Open up restaurants and serve customers. So hopefully they will be rock stars at it.

The teams go off to their separate corners to discuss their menu. Brother Mike and Bryan are getting in to it again, this time over dessert. Bryan wants to make a dessert that he did in a previous challenge. Brother Mike turns up his nose at it. Claiming it didn't work last time and landed him in the bottom, which is true. But still... He's learned from that, hopefully, and can make it better. Also, this is your brother as well as your competitor. And for this challenge he's your teammate. Maybe a little less attitude is called for? The decide on the restaurant name Revolt... which is a horrible horrible idea. (R)obin, (E)li, (Volt)aggio is the inspiration. I immediately jump to revolting as do several others along the way. Yet no one seems to think this is a bad idea. They try to spin it as tho it's an uprising a rebellion. Yeah... Not so much.

The Blue Team is very confident going in that they are going to bang out some great food. Jen is great with her sauces. Kevin can cook a piece of meat to perfection. They're stoked. They decide to steer clear of a dessert since that is always a good way to shoot yourself in the foot. Which is an admirable idea, but in a restaurant to not have a dessert option isn't going to sit well with judges or patrons. You just know it. Hell... Make a cake. Make Jell-O for Pete's sake. I'm not a pastry chef and even I can tell you that there are some very simple desserts out there. The decide on the name Mission, based on the simple Mission-style furniture and as a comforting way of life.

Off to Whole Foods they go. Robin seems some strategy in not letting the other team see what's in the shopping cart. I don't know that I understand why. Two people could each pick an ingredient and prepare it in completely different ways. The judges aren't going to be comparing them side by side. Oh... and what was that ingredient she didn't want them to see? Sparkling water. Robin's going to win the challenge with sparkling water. *slow clap* You're next Top Chef, ladies and gentlemen.

Once at Chef Moonen's restaurant it's a two level kitchen/dining area. The Blue Team takes the upstairs restaurant while the Red Team takes the down stairs restaurant. I don't know that there was any strategy behind it, but that was the Blue Teams advantage because they won the Quickfire. Maybe someone else can explain that to me.

In the Red kitchen there is definitely a leader. Even though the brother do get into a few arguments it is what I imagine a big-time restaurant kitchen feels like. Robin is constantly being questioned on what she's doing. Which, I can understand. It may not be nice, but if you don't have confidence in one of your teammates and you don't want to lose because of something they do... I'd ask too. As Robin is plating her dish, there is an argument between her and Brother Mike. He starts to take over the plating of her dish after telling her how to plate it. There is cussing, which is called out for being unprofessional. Raised voices. Hurt feelings. It's a mess.

I can understand Brother Mike's viewpoint as a leader in the kitchen. He doesn't want to lose. He clearly doesn't trust Robin's ability. He's also being unemotional about it. Unemotional, in the hurt feelings sorta way. Robin on the other hand isunderstandable upset that someone is trying to bulldoze her. I don't see her as the competitive type tho. So instead of seeing this as Brother Mike trying to make sure they have a winning dish, and restaurant by extension, she sees it as being stifled and walked over. It's a tough call. In the end, they both need a good shot of tequila and a shag.

The Blue kitchen seems a little more frantic, but for different reasons. Kevin and Jennifer are running behind on their dishes. Prep timeactually runs out as Jennifer is working ao she decides that she'll just have to make her dishes to order. This will cost them some time as diners will have to wait longer. There doesn't seem to be a real leader in the kitchen. While everyone may be working well together, no one is really stepping up and taking the leadership mantle. I'm surprised Jennifer didn't do it. When they had to feed the troops buffet-style. Robin stepped up and really showed that she can take control and get thigns done and on time. What's happened to her? She seems to be losing her edge a bit. I'm worried for her.

Here come the judges! Red Team, Go! Eli is working the front of the house. He greets the judges and present them with the following food. Brother Mike made chicken and calamari 'pasta.' Eli, not only being host, makes a smoked arctic char. Bryan present a duo of beef. Brother Mike has also made cod and billi-bi sauce. Robin makes pear pithivier with vanilla bean ice cream. Bryan makes chocolate ganache. A nice well rounded menu and the judges seem to love everything that comes out. Eli has a good personality and is working the room without showboating.

Blue Team, Go! Laurine decides to work the front. No one had to talk her into it. I only mention it because it's sometimes a dangerous place to be. Also, most chefs want to be hands-on with the food they're presenting. Something to keep in mind. Mikey cooks asparagus and six-minute egg. Jen presents arctic char tartare, bouillabaisse consommé, and pan-seared trout. (Not sablefish? You sure this time Jen?) Kevin makes pork three ways. Laurine prepares lamb with carrot jam. As she is presenting the food to the judges she doesn't even explain what it is. Which... is 'fine' for a regular diner, but these are the judges. These are the people you're REALLY trying to impress. She seems to be falling apart and just ready to go to her secret crying place.

Just seeing Blue's dishes... Wow... It's REALLY meat heavy and there doesn't seem to be anything light. I know you don't win Top Chef with salads. Yet, still... I'm bloated just seeing it.

The judges are less impressed with Mission's menu and food. Toby is missing a dessert to wrap up the night. Padma needs more salt for Mikey's opening course. Jen's butter has separate and it's just grease now. Kevin's meat is all over the place. He's executing Laurine's lamb dish. Some are over cooked. Some are undercooked. Kevin claims that what he calls rare and what she calls rare are two different things. Seems nitpicky, but I see his point. They need to be clearer and what is what.

You can tell it's going to be a long night.

Back in the Stew Room Mikey says that if Red Team loses, then their food must've really sucked because Blue Teams food was not good. Everyone was off their game. I get the point, but the way Mikey says it really is a backhanded compliment in it's truest form. Tact, Mikey... Tact!

The Red Team is called out first... Sure enough they are the winners. They are SO winners they are called the best restaurant that Top Chef has seen in six seasons. Which is high praise considering some of the past winners. Not to mention having Robin on their team. Overall, they loved the food. Brother Mike ends up being the big winner. And what does he win!? Chef Rick Moonen's latest book! YAY?! I hate when guest chefs do that. Padma sweetens the deal be saying Brother Mike also wins the $10,000 that the Blue Team gambled. Brother Mike offers to split it amongst his team since it was a team effort. That's nice of him, but does everyone feel that way?

Back to the Stew Room Eli delivers the news and Blue Team goes before the judges. Mikey's food is called out for being ok, but not really excellent. Everyone had execution problems. Laurine was responsible for a dish, but didn't really make sure it was done right. Jennifer is embarrassed by her dish. Where's your edge, girl!? In the end because of poor service all around and a poorly planned/executed dish... Laurine goes home.

I was truly worried. I didn't dislike Laurine, but she didn't stand out for her dishes. She was on a team with Kevin and Jennifer, whom I like. Mikey was the other person, but his food was safe. Literally... I'm glad she went home instead of someone who could potentially win it all this season. Sorry Laurine. I'm sure you are going to be upset that you were out lasted by Robin. I'd hate to be anyone in the Top Chef Secret Barbie Hideaway House that has to listen to you rant about that. Good luck!

TOP CHEF: 5.8 - The Other White Meat (SPOILERS)

2009-10-15T19:32:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a quickie. Sorry guys. Sometimes real life gets in the way of your entertainment. My sincere apologies!

Tonight's episode is all about pairs. Pairs that go together. Pairs that clash. Let's watch together as Top Chef heavy hands it to us who gets along and who doesn't. Speaking of which...

I've been trying to come up with a nickname for Eli. He reminds me of a cross between Seymour from Little Shop Of Horrors and Chunk from The Goonies. So bear with me as I try a few out.

Hey did you know that Eli "Mushink" lives with his parents? Because we're going to see a conversation of him talking on the phone to his Mom. It's perfectly ok for him to live with his parents and not pay rent at 25. Which... I personally wouldn't question, but why bring it up as a point that he has a relationship with his parents? Well that's because it'll come up later in the episode. The gun in Act One will be used in Act Three. This 'law' of writing, is also used in reality show editing.

Also, in case this is your first episode.... Everybody hates Robin. That would make a clever title for a sitcom, or some variation of that. Somebody should look into that. The fact that Robin is compelled to narrate her every thought it shown through a voice over and reaction shots of other chefmates.

Someone has set Padma-bot 9000 to Promote and she begins to talk about Alexia snack products. I kind of wish the snack chips seemed more fun like Emerald Nuts. I still crack up at the one where the Addicted To Love girls to try turn the guy who's napping in his back yard.

But I digress...

Guest judging today is chef Charlie Palmer. It just so happens that both Bryan and Brother Mike worked for Charlie. I kinda see this as an unfair moment in the show. The Brothers are both very talented chefs. Even tho they've had their missteps in the kitchen during the show, if they win it would be easy for someone to cry foul. It just sets up a possible awkward circumstance. If they win, someone could say it was unfair... If they lose, the brothers could say it was unfair to them, via reverse discrimination. It's no-win for them this episode, I fear.

ANYWAY... Padma-bot explains that they must create a dish that pairs well with one of the flavors of snack chips. How friggin' hard would that be? I don't care how gourmet a friggin' snack chip is, it is still a snack food. This entire challenge is making me peckish. I give serious consideration to make a dish to go with the 'gourmet' Tostitos corn chips in my pantry. I'm thinking of pairing them with guacamole... I mean avocado mousse. I'M A CHEF!!!

There is a lot of scrambling as usual and Jennifer is particularly stressed because if they don't taste her food first, she's done. I don't know how this is decided, but wouldn't you know who get to go first... Not Jennifer. So she's worried her pork chops will be overcooked.

The bottom three are Ash, Robin, and Jennifer. No surprise to herself.

The top three are Bryan, Eli "Truffle Shuffle", and Kevin. The winner is... Ke-... WHA-?! Truffle Shuffle wins!? Yup... Mama's Boy Eli wins the Alexia Snack Chip challenge. I'm surprised he isn't given a years supply of the chips or something. You know he'd think it's awesome to sit around in his parents basement, playing XBox, drinking Red Bull, eating Alexia Snack Chip. I'm kinda jealous my own self.

For the Elimination Challenge, we get to the real reason Chef Charlie Palmer is there. Pigs & Pinot! The cheftestants draw knives and are each assigned a part of the pig that they'll be cooking. Jennifer draws the Wild Knife which means she can pick whatever part she wants to use. She picks the belly, which should have enough fat to keep her pork from drying out. The chefs will each be making 150 tasting portions, of their selected pig part and pairing it with a wine.

The chefs are taking to the Mandalay Bay Casino where the Wine Angels are. If you've never seen it, it's kind of cool. A large tower of wine that holds thousands of bottles. Each bottle is retrieved by 'angels' who ride a harness and pulley system that lowers and raises them around the wine tower. It's pretty impressive. Once there, they chefs are treated to a wine tasting in order to select the type of wine they'll be using.

I have always wanted to go to a wine tasting. I'm fascinated by how some people can tell a lot about the various notes and flavors a wine might have. It's totally snobby and high falootin', but I'd love to give it a go.

Each chef selects a wine that they feel will go well with their dish. Now... this is hard! I know that some of these guys are probably excellent at it, but just take a moment to think about it. First you have to analyze the flavors you're getting from the wine. Then you have to decide what you're going to make and shop accordingly. Then you have to prepare your dish to match the wine. Shit... I'm going back to cooking food to go with potato chips. Fuck this noise.

Jennifer has seemed to get her groove back. And not in the biblical way. Tho I have no proof that... oh just forget it. The brothers seems verycompetitive. Even more so than normal. I'm guessing it's because their former boss is one of the judges. No pressure, right kids?

Once the shopping necessities have been gathered from Whole Foods we follow the chefs back to the Top Chef Barbie Dream House. As they are cooking dinner, we see Robin and Eli get into a heated passive aggressive bitch fest about what seemed to be washing a cutting board. Seriously...? Eli clearly doesn't like Robin and his way of expressing this is to basically ignore her and not listen to anything she asks. Robin's way of addressing Eli comes off as overbearing mother-in-law-ish and passive aggressive. Mikey actually has the right idea by talking to her as little as possible. If you don't like her, limit your interactions with her. Granted you're in a tiny Top Chef Barbie Dream House, but I can't imagine she can be in EVERY room at the same time.

After a few snipes back and forth, Eli walks out of the kitchen with his dinner and shouts, "You're not my mother!" To which Robin replies, "I know I'm not. If I was I would've raised you better." BANG!! The Act Three gun has gone off. Ouch! Harsh! That's not really only a slap to Eli, but also to Mama Chunk. Leave her out of it.

I'm also fascinated by the way the guys are eating. Truly Frat Boy / Caveman style. Eli has taken the pan of food and silverware to a living room area and the remaining guys are hovering over it like it's a slaughtered mastodon. Picking the pan clean. Seriously... there is little need for plates when a pan and a fork will do.

The next day the chefs start prepping for their Pigs & Pinot challenge. The brothers have a few harsh words for each other. Ash feels like he is really cooking "his food" finally. Yet as he's prepping decides to switch gears completely, changing up his dish. Jennifer is feeling much better about the food she's putting out. Laurine is feeling really good that she's made a winning dish. Tho she is substituting pork for rabbit in a rillettes dish she's made before.

Once at the venue the chefs set up, and before you know it... there is a HUGE line of hungry people waiting to be served. They are truly stampeding over the hill towards the chefs. It's a bit frightening and I'm not even cooking.

HIGHLIGHTS

Brother Mike has prepared root beer-braised pork cheek with a truffle bun and vanilla/cherry sauce.

Ash chilled pork tenderloin with cherry and corn salad.

Eli Truffle Shuffle present a braised pork belly with carrot puree and raw celery and fennel as a play on mirepoix.

Kevin has given us pork leg paté with mushroom salad and pickled cherries and a pork fat-based mayonnaise.

Brother Mike has made pork shoulder stuffed with prosciutto, dates and pine nuts and served over orange blossom yogurt.

Bryan has a braised pork spare rib served over parsnip puree with mostarda.

Jennifer cooked a pork belly braised in soy sauce with a salad made of tomatoes, black olives, apples, celery and truffles.

Laurine made pork butt rillettes on an arugula salad with a golden raisin and pearl onion chutney on top.

Robin has prepared a brined center-cut pork chop stuffed with sweet potato-apple roulade and a sour cherry-coffee demiglace.

The fact that so many chefs used fruit with the pork really says something to me. The Brady Bunch had it right. Pork chops and applesauce. There is a reason it's a classic. Pork and apples pair well. All of this reminds me of another writing 'law' I heard. There are no new stories. It's been said that the plots of most all books and movies can be boiled down 7 basic ideas for stories. It's just the rehashing and retelling of these stories that can make them familiar and enjoyable. The same can be said for food, I believe. Pork and fruit is a classic combination. But depending on how you put it together and the new spin you give to the dish... THAT's what excites the palate and the diner.

So who made the best pairing of food and wine? In the top are Bryan, Brother Mike, Jennifer and Kevin. Chef Charlie has high praise for each of the brothers. While, Toby Young compares Jennifer's dish to an exciting hairy arm pit as compared to a boring clean shaven arm pit. This cracks Chef Tom up! He turns red and busts out laughing, putting his head down on the table. I think Toby has clearly had more than a tasting portion of wine tonight. He finally explains how this is a compliment to Jennifer's dish, but really... Someone take Toby to the Promises or Betty Ford or something! Cut him off!

The winner is... KEVIN! They love Kevin's wine pairing. They can't stop talking about his dish as they're eating it. Can we just name Ginger Bear the winner, already? He wins a spot as guest chef in Charlie Palmer's event next year. Woot??

In the bottom are Robin, Laurine, and Ash. None of whom seem to really be too surprised they are there. Well, maybe Robin, because I don't know that she has a clear grasp on what she's cooking. To be fair... Ash seems a bit shocked too, but it's because when he changed his dish mid-stream he thought it was for the better. Clearly, not. Laurine is called out on what she calls a rillette, being nothing close to a rillette. Actually, one of the guest tasters who was not an official judge tonight, called her dish "cat food." Which, again, is harsh! Other than having your food spit out, that's about as bad as it gets.

As I'm sitting here watching it and conferring with Mark, we both agree that while we don't want it to be, that Ash is going home... and sure enough. Padma-bot has just enough energy reserves to chirp out his name and tell him to GTFO. Even though the other chefs would prefer it be Robin going home, they are stuck with her for a little bit longer.

Goodbye, Ash! You'll be missed. Watching him makes me think that's how I'd be if I was on the show. He was humble in his ability and high in his praise of others. He knew when something could be a big hit in someone else's food, but couldn't stop from second guessing himself with his own. He was amusing, self efficacing, and well liked be all. Jennifer is the first to give him a big ol' hug as he announces he's going home. OhMyGod did he just plant a kiss on Mikey's cheek? I thought it was Brother Mike he had the man crush on? Hrm... Oh well. Not my type. So maybe he's not how I would've been like on the show at all.

Next week... RESTAURANT WARS!!! This is always a big deal each season. The chefs all know it's coming eventually. It's kind of what they all want to at least make it to in the show. It's the equivalent to "The Tribal Merge" on Survivor... Which I am missing so that I can write this snippet of entertainment for you. So I hope you enjoy it! Tell a friend! Drop me a note! Leave a comment!!

TOP CHEF: 5.7 At Home Is Where The Heart Is (SPOILERS)

2009-10-08T13:41:00.002-07:00

Top Chef was kind enough to give me a reprieve last week. Just when I was getting in the swing of writing these recaps. You'll forgive me? I'm rusty.

Previously on Top Chef... Everyone hates Robin. Eli really hates Robin because he claims she used her cancer to her advantage to win over the guest judge. Douche. A drunkenLaurine spouted off about Robin winning. Ron went home.

We open in the Top Chef Barbie House to Ash commenting on how could have easily gone home last week. And he's right! He didn't go to culinary school, yet here he is competing with some great competition. I personally don't think he'll win it. But I do appreciate the fact that someone without a whole lot of formal training can really make it in the culinary world. Ash has a little Chef Crush on Brother Michael.

Brother Michael would like to tell you about his family. He wants to win so he can justify the time away from them. Which is admirable... He's not taking it lightly that he's off gallivanting around while they're at home missing him.

Uh-oh! Wait... We're talking about Ash & Michael this early in the episode. This can't be good for them. Editing loves to let you feel sorry for a competitor right before they get kicked off. *bites nails*

Jennifer is not feeling well, but she doesn't want you to feel sorry for her. She's having none of your pity. She wants to kick ass. She's had to cook while sick before. Ok ... Now I'm not a the Sanitary Police. But depending on what kind of 'sick' she is... wouldn't that be kind of unhealthy to the people who eat her food? If she's all drippy andcoughy around things that other people are eating? Just a thought.... Maybe I'm over-thinking it and it's just a womanly sick. No offense. I'm just trying to be delicate here.

QUICKFIRE!!!

Tyler Florence will be the guest judge today on Iron Che-... wait... who? I had to double check the channel I was on. Dissension in the food ranks! Kevin explains who Tyler Florence is... as he dances around the subject of Tyler Florence's cooking shows on That Other Food Network... Wait? Can I say that? The other channel that is actually dedicated to food.

The challenge is sponsored Cookster.com And boy howdy is it about Cookster. Cookster. Cookster. Cookster. Now can I have some money for promoting the site as well? Because... Damn! Padma is getting really good at spokeswoman gig.

The challenge involves taking a pull at a slot machine and making a dish based on the three words that come up on the slot wheels. A mood... a taste/texture... a cuisine... This sounds like fun! The combinations that might come up are pretty interesting.

Oh it's also a High Stakes Quickfire!

Kevin pulls: Stressed, Hot & Spicy, Asian. Immediately, I think of my Korean step-mother and her kimchi. Oh... and Kevin doesn't cook Asian food. Ever.
Mikey I: Stressed, Umami, Asian. He explains Umami is not salty, not sweet, not sour, not spicy... It's umami. I believe the term he's looking for is savory.
Jennifer: Adventurous, Nutty, American. This sounds like the tag line for a movie. A bad movie... Starring Brenden Fraiser or Vin Diesel in a comedic role.
Eli: Stressed, Umami, Latin American.
Bryan: Adventurous, Tangy, Asian.
Robin: Stressed, Umami, Middle Eastern.
Michael: Adventurous, Crunchy, Asian. For me... that would be eating at this sushi place called Blue. The dish? Simply enough, Sushi Blue. I swear it has frosted flakes on the outside of the sushi roll. It wasn't bad.
Ash: Tired, Tart, Italian. Every time I hear tart I think of tart the personal quality. Not the flavor. Hopefully someone plays on that.
Ashley: Blue, Cheesy, Middle Eastern

Everyone who has umami is fighting for the mushrooms. Mikey has cooked all kinds of food, but not Asian. So he's a little worried. Ashley isn't too keen on her draw of Middle Eastern food. Of all the options... I'd say Middle Eastern is the one I'd hate to get. I hear Middle Eastern and I think earthy, lots of rich spices, chicken dishes, flat breads, yogurt sauces.

Robin is picking up on the clear vibe that even though she won the last Quickfire, some people see her as undeserving. Well, good. At least she's aware that people are kind of rooting against her in the house. Not that I approve, but at least she's not clueless.

Jennifer thinks that your mood and personal life she stay out of your work. She's doing what she can to live by that sentiment, even though she feels likeluke-warm death.

Highlights!

Mikey made a raw mushroom salad with yuzu emulsion.

Ash cooked up a "Pantry" Pasta Puttanesca. HA!! I love it! Someone DID play on the word 'tart'. Puttanesca being the pasta sauce that the 'ladies of the night' would use to lure the men into their brothels. Puttanesca also being VERY close to a swear word in Spanish if I do recall correctly. It is a delicious sauce. Very olive heavy.

Brother Michael gives yuzu curd with whipped Greek yogurt & seaweed cracker. I'm sorry, but nothing about this sounds good to me.

Eli offers up a mushroom ceviche. You know SOMEONE had to make a ceviche. The thing is... I'm not sure how a mushroom would hold up to being 'cooked' in an acidic liquid like what is typically done with seafood.

Kevin puts out a char-grilled pork with Vietnamese herb salad.

Robin gives us root vegetable hash with cumin and curry oil. I don't really think of cumin and curry as being Middle Eastern. Padma agrees... and then Robin finally agrees too. Way to stick up for your dish.

Ashley has made feta pudding with sumac dusted halibut. Ok. Feta I love... Sumac... isn't that like one of those poison things people get on their skin. Yum?

Jennifer cooked up Maine diver scallops with pistachios and salmon roe.

But who was in the bottom? Robin and her Middle Eastern 'curry'. Jennifer and her 'adventurous' salmon roe which people have been doing for years. Eli killed umami with the overwhelming citrus in the ceviche.

Winners? Mikey! Kevin! Michael! He was most particularly impressed with Kevin's dish since he'd never cooked Asian food before. Now while I'm a huge Kevin fan... I do have to wonder how Tyler would know for sure that he'd never done Asian. He could be lying. He's not, but he could be. He still wins and wins big. He has a choice. Take $15,000 or immunity? He takes the money. WOW! I would've taken immunity. The money is nice, but beingguaranteed to be one round closer to the big prize is better. I would've taken immunity. But Kevin has balls and the cooking chops to back up his confidence. Go Kevin.

Ashley admits she would've also taken the money. If you're going to win, win on your dish being good. Not because you got pushed through with help.

Commercials!

Why are the Jonas Brothers selling houses on Million Dollar Listing? They don't make enough money as it is? Rachel Zoe season finale? She still has a show... Good grief!

Elimination Challenge!

Padma meets the chefs at the Top Chef Barbie House and brings them outside to discuss the tough economic times. As a result people are cooking at home more. Family style dinners. The chefs will pair off by drawing knives. The knives will also tell them what secret ingredients they'll be using to create their family style dish.

The other guests for the at-home dinner party are Nancy Silverton and her crazy hair and glasses, Govin Armstrong. Takashi Yagihashi, and Tom Douglas. All chef and restaurant owners.

Jennifer voices her concerns about cooking for these guys and being nervous. The confessional is so vague it could've been recorded at anytime. Mikey talks about who he doesn't want to work with, Robin. As the Anvil Of Irony looms dangerous over his head... Robin pulls her knife. She's partnered with... Mikey! Can you hear thecartoony whistle of the falling Acme Anvil?

A majority of the Top Chef Pantry has been moved into the Top Chef Barbie House Kitchen. There are ten chefs cooking in the one kitchen. With the one stove. With the four burners.

Team Michael & Ash (Team Mash) grab a couple Macy's-provided woks and set up in another room. Michael suggest ravioli and Ash agrees, and they're off! Kevin & Jennifer are paired up and find their ingredient bag to be full of Asian condiments andbok choy. So I guess Kevin will have to draw from his extensive asian culinary background and pull another recipe out of his ginger ass, and win? Again? We'll see. Ash & Eli are going the gnocchi route. She's made gnocchi before and does it daily at her restaurant. Topping it with prawns brings some concern. Mikey & Robin are also bagged with a bagful of Asian ingredients. His plan is to take the lead and win it on his own. Let Robin do her thing and just do it by himself so she can't eff up his dish.

Jennifer is seen in a better mood. Hrm... her 'sickness' sure lasted a short period... of time...

Michael is ordering Ash around and he perfectly ok with that. Refer back a couple recaps where ash makes a crack about being "on top." Same joke applies here. Michael admires his skill and knows that one day he'll be a great chef. Robin is adding her two cents and Mikey is really just steamrolling her with his ideas. Robin doesn't want to be in charge, but wants her input. Mikey gives her little things to do and throwing out hercontributions.

Chef Tom comes in for his Sniff 'n' Sneer wearing a VERY purple shirt. I'm far from a fashionista, but dude does NOT look good in purple. As he cruises by Ash & Eli he smirks at the idea of putting prawns on gnocchi. They question him about his reaction, but he can't really give direction or correction. Just question. I think that's a shame. I think they need a TimGunn-esque person to come in an independently sample the dishes and offer tips. Did Chef Tom just use the term d-bag? Awesome! He breezes through an interview with Robin and Mikey who are clearly in a tense mood. Ash & Brother Michael are working as hard as they can when Tom comes in. Brother Michael explains his dish which sounds like a deconstructedcarbonara . I think he's stuck on the last challenge. I'm not sure about the idea honestly. The flavors sound good, but... eh.... Kevin & Jenn are doing Korean BBQ... which Mark would agree, reminds us of one of our favorite scenes from a little LisaKudrow show called The Comeback. "You see a box of puppies... I see Korean BBQ!" Ahh... Good times...

As Tom gives us a rundown of the challenge and what's going on in the Top Chef's Barbie Kitchen, he mentions that... basically... the person who fucks up the least while only having one stove/oven and a grill to use... will be the winner. Nice vote of confidence!

KITCHEN FLURRY!!

Ashley is cooking prawns because Eli wouldn't want to touch them with a ten foot skewer. Brother Michael blows a fuse. Literally. So now his halibut isn't searing properly. He goes on to say that once you start to cook fish you can't stop. It doesn't like that. Mikey sees that Robin is burning the tuna. Not charring... burning. Fine line. Back to Ashley, she notes that the gnocchi she handed off to Eli to cook is now WAY saltier than it was before. Sabotage on Eli's part? Hrm...

Padma is playing the hostess with the mostess. Seriously... she seems so gracious. I want to hang out with her and just travel around eating. To continue with the endorsements, Tyler Florence from that other food network... not to be confused with the Food Network (notice the capitalization)... explains what the Food Council is. I, honestly, black out at this point from overload. Just cook already!!! I'm pretty sure Judge Toby does too.

Highlights!!

Ashley & Eli want to do a play on surf 'n' turf. Grilled spot prawns with red beet creme fraiche sauce, gnocchi & kale. Correct me if I'm wrong, but surf 'n' turf is usually a land animal and a sea animal. I'm not getting it. Half the time the issue with the chefs is that the explain it wrong and that gives the judges the wrong idea of what they were trying to make. Guest diner Tom Douglas pretty much calls out the prawns from Ashley & Eli as the biggest offense you could make against the planet. I don't know if he owns stock in prawns or what, but dude.. harsh!

Team Mash do a play on a carbonara (deconstructed, but probably over used the word last episode). Pancetta-wrapped halibut with egg yolk ravioli, asparagus & fennel salad. What I love about this dish is that the 'salad' consists of about as much greenery as two blades of grass. And it's a SALAD!!! Sell it people!!!

Kevin & Jennifer BBQ Kobe beef, with cardamom, tomato, ginger broth. Tyler loves it. He loves everything about it. The broth is excellent and really brings the dish together.

Laurine & Bryan serve a pan roasted halibut with sherry-chorizo vinagrette, yellow corn cake and avocado mousse. See? Now let's break this down. Yellow corn cake = Jiffy corn bread mix. Avocado mousse = guacamole. Cooking is easy!! It's all in how you explain it. The can't get enough of their halibut. Compared to Team Mash and their halibut.

Brother Michael is worried about his fish, as he should! Ash says it was Michael's dish, but he takes blame for not questioning him more. He let his Chef Crush get in the way. His brother, Bryan, is worried for him.

He did you know people don't like Robin. She apparently thinks out loud. She doesn't shut up. She talks all the damned time. If you don't know that people find her the fool, the editors have added jaunty music to set the mood.

At Judges table they call Kevin & Jennifer and Laurine & Bryan. Kevin & Jennifer didn't really have a team leader they just worked well together. They LOVED the broth and wanted more. InLaurine & Bryan's dish they loved the sherry-chorizo vinaigrette. I'm curious to make something like that and see how it goes. I'd love to know how they did it. Laurine credits Bryan for being the driving force behind the dish.

And the winner is... JENNIFER!!! Her first win! She's stoked! She wins a $10,000 gift card form Macy's. She went from sick to the bottom to winner in 24 hours. Not bad. I'm rooting for you to go all the way.

Back in the Stew Room, Kevin is asking about the dish that Team Mash put together. Portion size. Components. Plating. Bryan has had enough... you can tell he's worried about his brother and it comes out directed at Kevin. I don't think Kevin was being judgmental. I don't think Bryan was out of line. Kevin was curious. Bryan was stressed. The moment passes.

As they question they question Team Mash on their dish Brother Michael knows the fish was overcooked. He's no fool. He faults bad luck with the fuse being blown and the power going out. Tyler doesn't buy it and chides him for using it as an excuse. Is it? Really? Because, yes it'sunfortunate... but how many options did they really have? I think this goes back to what Chef Tom said on his walk through . The winner will be the person who fucks up the least. Maybe they didn't screw up on purpose, but they did have accidents happen. Tom doesn't think it was the right fish. Um... well that's what they had?! They couldn't go shopping. So they conceptually put together a bad dish.Padma questions Ash on if he was ok to playing sous chef to Brother Michael. Ash pays Brother Michael what I think is the biggest compliment. Also, shoots himself in the foot. "It's like asking if you mind washing paint brushes forPicaso ." He tries to back-peddle a little and say that he doesn't want to go home. He does want to prove he can be a great chef. I think he will be... but not against this crop of competitors. Sorry Ash.

Eli speaks up when asked if they were happy with the dish. Some of the prawns weren't cooked properly. Eli was unaware. The gnocchi was SUPER salty. Ashley didn't notice til it was too late. One thing I've found annoying with Ashley is that she corrects her answer as she's giving them. "Do you think ____." She answers... "Sure. Yeah. I mean yes." Which always comes off as annoyed and slightly disrespectful. Like a child who's been caught and knows she did something wrong. She knows what the answer she should give is, but can't resist displaying her rude-itude by coming off slightly pissy. Eli claims very specifically how much involvement he had in each dish. It seems like he's not going to overtly throw Ashley under the bus, but he's not going to go out taking credit for something unless he has to do it.

Ash didn't do much. Michael did the lion's share. Does Ash go for not contributing more and just following. Does Michael go for not making a better dish or leading better? Eli had his hand in everything, but what did he screw up or not screw up. Same for Ashley... She was responsible for a lot and gave direction a lot, but was it the bad leadership?

Who's going home?! It's Ashley.... Who takes it better than I would've imagined. She is gracious and obviously disappointed. I'm actually sad to see her go. In the bigger scheme of things... now who will be the villain in the finale? If it's a finale where everyone is liked and they all get along with each other, it will be boring. I'll still watch and love it. But without someone to root against... it takes something away from the person you're rooting for.

Ok.... so here is the part where I whore myself out a little. Do you like this recap? Tell a friend. Have the come read the recap. Can't see it on Facebook? A quick message or two and I can put them on a blog to be viewed by all. Comments about the episode? Leave them here. Feedback? Drop me a message! Thanks for reading guys!

TOP CHEF 5.6 - De! Constructed! D- E- Constructed!! (SPOILERS)

2009-10-08T13:41:00.001-07:00

Everyone is the house apparently hates Robin. They hate that she is still there. They hate that other people have gone home before her. They have that she won't stop yammering. I might be inclined to stick up for the underdog, in this case, Robin. But when you're living in such conditions and you've got nothing else to focus on, but the people you're living with... I'd get a little annoyed with Robin as well. From the clips they show.. Her babbling doesn't seem to be about anything vital. Which is never endearing when you've just been sequestered with more than a dozen of your closest friends. I think the issue is everyone liked the drunken Frenchman and didn't want him to go home.

Everyone decides to mourn the loss of Mattin by wearing ascots like he did, to the Quickfire challenge. How many damned scarves did he pack? Is Robin the only person not wearing one? Wow... even if no one likes you, that's still a little sad not to at least play along. Pour a little our for your homie, will ya?!

Speaking of Quickfire... It's Padma with Chef Michelle Bernstein! Las Vegas is all about the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. This challenge is show your culinary skills by making a dish that represents a similar display. There is a lot of room for interpretation on this one. Do you go metaphorically and making something spicy hot and something light and cool? Do you make something fried with a salad? Will you need to make two different foods or will one plate with both ideas represented suffice?

KITCHEN CHAOS

Ash is doing a duo of custards, but will he have the time to pull off two different custards?! Eli wants to do scallops two ways. He wants to win this quickfire because he's the best fucking chef there. Robin wants to do a dish inspired by her battle with cancer. Did you know she had cancer? If not, you'll hear a lot about it this episode.

Brother Mike has prepared a rillettes of salmon on the angel side of things. On the devil side he's made a confit of salmon with ice cream.

Eli's made a scallop with radish top pesto for his angel dish, and a scallop with brown butter risotto for his devil dish.

Bryan makes his interpretation a little more literal. For his angel side he makes frozen coconut, lychee & vanilla. For his devil side he makes a dark chocolate mousse. I'm sure it tastes good. Visually I get it... but there is something, uh... 'racing stripes-ish' about his smear of chocolate mousse.

Ash was only able to finish one of his custards... Uh oh! Spicy asparagus custard with pink peppercorn shortbread representing his devil. The rest you have to imagine. Chef Michelle is kind enough to play along.

Robin talks about how two years ago she was diagnosed with two kinds of lymphoma. She became obsessed with raw food and eating healthy. In representation of that she give Chef Michelle and Padma an arugula, apple, and fennel salad as the angel. The devil comes in the form of cinnamon apple ginger crisp. Michelle loves the simpleness of the dish.

Laurine has made a chicken & vegetable consume for her angel dish. Her devil dish is a chicken saltimbocca.

In the Devil side of things... Ash, Bryan, and Laurine. It was clear that not finishing would put Ash there. She seems genuine in her announcement. She's not trying to be cruel or harsh. Chef Michelle doesn't think that Bryan's execution was there. As though it wasn't what he wanted. I'm going to guess it was what HE wanted... but not what SHE wanted. Just saying... Laurine's dish wasn't new or inspiring. It just was. I usually judge a dish's complexity by whether or not I think I'd be able to make it. I could make Laurine's dish. So I'm not surprised that she's in the bottom.

On the Angel side of things... Brother Mike's dish transported Chef Michelle. Where? Anyway, she loved it. She also loved the brown butterrisotto and pesto that Eli made. Robin's simple salad and apple crisp are very well received by Michelle. They take an extra long shot of the reactions of the other chefs as Michelle announces that Robin is even in the top at all! Disbelief and eye-rolling abound!

And the winner is... ROBIN!!! Now she has immunity. She made a complete turn around in less than 24 hours. She's stoked and I don't blame her. The other chefs aren't as happy as she is because now one of them has to go home and not her. Eli is a little more vocal about it... "That's a pretty great way to win a Quickfire. Just tell people you had fucking cancer. 'When I had cancer I could eat this, and when I didn't I could eat this.' Oh ok... I mean, weak."

Really!? Seriously!? Whether she did or did not specifically talk about her lymphoma in order to garner sympathy from the judges... You don't make fun of someone with cancer. It's poor form and it only ends up making you look like an ass. You may not like Robin. You may think the food she makes is simple and uninspiring and boring and just generally not good... but cancer is off limits. There is no way to sweet talk your way out of that. You just earned yourself some seriously bad karma right there, Eli.

For the Elimination Challenge they bring out one of Las Vegas' most amazing duos! SIGFRIED & ROY!??!! No... sadly, it's just Penn & Teller. They perform a Cup & Ball magic trick. It's a pretty standard magic trick, but impressive nonetheless. But then they deconstruct their magic trick and show how it's done. They redo the trick, only this time they use clear cups so you can see what's going on. But how does this translate to food?

The cheftestants will be drawing knives, each with a dish on it. Their challenge is to deconstruct the dish. To deconstruct a dish, is to take the components of the original dish and prepare them separately in such a way that when consumed, leaves the diner with the taste of the original dish.

You know when you say a word over and over and over and over again and then after a while the word seems to stop making sense anymore as a real word. I feel this is going to happen to the word deconstructed for me today.

The judges this week will be, Chef Michelle, Chef Tom, Padma as always, and returning from England Food Critic Toby Young. Or as Ashley calls him... The meanest guy in food criticism. Toby is the Simon Cowell of the show. He's harsh, but rarely wrong. He just has a colorful way of saying it.

WHOLE FOODS SHOPPING MADNESS!!! I wonder how Whole Foods deals with this show... There are clearly other shoppers in the store. But then you've got
sometimes as many as 18 time-crunched chefs running around, plus camera crew, plus sound guys, maybe a producer or a few PA's taking notes. I presume the revenue they get as a result of being heavily featured is worth it. Though, I feel sorry for the employees behind the meat counter who have to deal with these picky bastards. Even the picky bastards that I like...

Jennifer is clearly not happy about having to deconstruct anything. Her plan is to buy the ingredients and figure it out once she gets into the kitchen. Yikes! She feels like shes not going to do well. She's classically trained and this is not up her alley at all.

Mikey is making Eggs Florentine, or as he calls it... Eggs Foreign To Me. He had no idea how to make it. Oh this can't be good... Just based on name alone, I can tell you that Florentine used to mean "in the style of Florence, Italy." Since it's inception it has taken on a more specific meaning. If something is Florentine, you can pretty much guess it'll have spinach in it. So there you go Mikey... you know it has eggs and spinach. The rest is up to you!

Brother Mike is loving this challenge. He's making a deconstructed Caesar salad. A typical Caesar salad has your Romaine lettuce with Caesar dressing. Usually you can make it with oil, lemon juice, garlic, anchovies, a raw egg, Parmesan cheese, salt, and pepper. So this will be interesting to see how he can make this. Separately a lot of those dressing ingredients are too strong on their own. It's the combination that makes them delicious. I'm glad he's liking it. I'd hate to have to make that dish. Oh yeah... and he's also making his own brioche bread as croutons. "Show off," his brother Bryan complains.

Kevin is making chicken mole negro. He made a variation of this dish in the last challenge and it didn't go over so well. Now he feels like he has the chance to really prove he knows how to make mole negro.

Ron is deconstructing paella. He makes a lot of paella in his restaurant so he is pretty confident that he can put out a good deconstructed dish.

Eli is making a deconstructed sweet and sour pork. He is using a digital pressure cooker that he brought with him to the show. You can do that? The only problem is that his pressure cooker looks like it been under the pressure of an elephant for 12 hours. It's being held together by tape. Literally. Even then there are perfectly good pressure cookers to use in the Top Chef Kitchen, he chooses to use his broken one. On one hand I can see wanting to use something your comfortable with... but on the other hand... why bother? In a challenge where you'd allowed to use such modern conveniences you'd have on available to you. In a challenge where you're cooking with sticks and stones like last weeks challenge, it wouldn't matter.

Why even mention his pressure cooker... Just wait. You'll see!

Ashley is making a deconstructed pot roast. She says that they didn't eat a lot of beef growing up because they were poor. Ok... I'm sorry that Ashley's family was dirt poor. Last week she mentioned her familiarity with outhouses. Now this... Considering Ashley seemed like she was being groomed to be the villain of the season in the beginning, I wonder if they are trying to humanize her now.

Eli's pressure cooker EXPLODES!!! Sending hot steamy food all over Eli and Bryan. Bryan's ok, but I can't help but think that this was just a taste of bad juju that Eli has brought upon himself for talking about Robin's cancer fight.

Robin drew clam chowder, but she doesn't like chowder so she is going to make a rice fennel flan, instead. What?! By her own admission, she has immunity so why not play around. This just seems like a bad idea. First, it will just irritate your other contestants. Not that you're there to make friends, but you will work together in future challenges. This will not show you in a good light. Secondly, other big name chefs actually DO watch this show. What kind of an impression are you making on someday by chance, future bosses? Maybe I'm just overly critical. She just seems a little flippant.

Laurine is at her breaking point with Robin. She's already stressed trying to deconstruct fish and chips. And I can't say that I blame her... how do you deconstruct breaded fish sticks and french fries? She's having to baby sit her potato chips and Robin asks her to pull the pancetta out of the oven. Maybe the chefs help each other more than they show, but to me... that just seems lazy on Robin's part. It's your food. You deal with it. But I'm competitive. I would've probably told her to pound sand.

YAY!! It's the return of Chef Tom's Sniff 'n' Snear!! I've been seriously missing this for weeks now. Has he been unavailable?

He talks to Ash first, who is stumbling his way through an explanation of how he's going to make Sheppard's pie. Jennifer has no time to talk to Tom. She is too busy having a small mental break down. She's avoiding him. Ron, and his cow-like reflexes can't avoid Tom. He flat out asks Tom for luck and help. But, Ron? You said you made tons of paella. What could you possibly need help with? Tom finally corners Jennifer. The jaunty music is either an indication of being flustered... or an indication that Jennifer clearly has a crush on Tom and she is moist just being around him.

Back at the manse... Eli is explaining to Ron how paella is made. So giving him ideas on how to deconstruct it. Ron seems confused... Jennifer, Laurine, and Mikey are talking about Robin's win in the Quickfire and their frustration with gloating, unintentional or not. I wonder how much Robin is aware of how everyone else feels? That's got to be uncomfortable.

Highlights!!

Brother Mike present his Caesar salad to the judges and Penn & Teller. Chicken wing, Parmesan jelly, & brioche. They really like his dish. He really seemed to embrace the challenge.

Jennifer steak, marscapone bechamel, tomato sauce, and Parmesan crisp. The LOVE her dish. She was smart in her presentation.

Laurine gives the judges halibut, zucchini relish, tomato confit & parsley chips. They felt the fish was dry, overcooked, and lacking 'chips'.

Ron serves a seafood paella with lemon & herb oil, chayote, and peas. Now I may not know much about paella, but I'm pretty sure... that deconstructed or not... this is hardly paella in any form. The rice is over cooked and not crisped. It's a "sad bowl of food."

Ash is nervous because Sheppard's pie is an English dish and Toby Young is VERY very British. He's made lamb chops, leeks, glazed carrots, pea puree, and madeira jus. Uh oh... no taters. Toby points out the lack of mashed potatoes. As well as the inconsistently prepared meat.

Kevin spent a lot of time perfecting each element of his dish, but still thinks it looks like 13 shades of brown shit. YUM? Chicken croquette, Mexican coffee fig jam, and pumpkin seed romesco. HEY I've made romesco!! The can't quit raving about Kevin's dish. Michelle is really impressed with Kevin's sauces.

Ashley slings up pot roast deconstructed and she thinks it looks a mess. It's a sear strip loin, potato puree, crispy shallots, and carrot foam. Michelle is a believer in pot roast after this dish.

Can Teller talk!? I mean... I know he can! But his lack of talking is getting tiresome.

At Judges Table... in the top are Ashely, Kevin, Jennifer, and Brother Mike. WAIT?! Brother Mike!! I knew it... Top Chef has been fucking up! I have a hard enough time keeping the brother straight. It was Brother Mike talking about hisCaesar salad as he was making it. But when it was served the titled him as Bryan. So I'm typing up this recap and confused, because I could've sworn it was Brother Mike making the dish. It wasn't until Padma called Brother Mike in front of the judges that I figured it out.

Jennifer looks truly surprised she's there as a top dish. She's clearly flustered. Again... I think it's her crush on Tom. The loved Brother Mike's dish. They were as excited to eat it as he was to make it. Ashley has made a few converts with her dish. Kevin's dish was in compete balance and made sense. They were proud of her balls to serve a simple sauce, but it worked excellently.

The winner.. KEVIN!!! And he wins a special gift from Michelle. Does she have a book? No... Calphalon Unison non-stick cookware. As my friend Jay pointed out... Wouldn't they have their own kitchen gear to use? A pointless but appreciated gift.

In the bottom are Ash, Laurine, and Ron. Ash was scared of serving it. Toby was scared to eat it. So that works out well. Ash explains that his potato parsnip puree had become gummy so he decided not to serve it. Ok, I have an issue with this... More of a conundrum really. On one hand you could make something and it might not turn out, but you serve it anyway and you get called out for it. On the other hand, you make something and it doesn't turn out so you make the decision to not serve it rather than serve the crap that it has become. Tough choice. Not only do they call it out for not being Sheppard's pie, but the call him out for his inconsistent cooking of the meat. Hrm. Not good.

Laurine found this challenge rough, and admits her fish was overcooked. They mention her lack of chips in her fish and chips. She falls into the same trap. Her chips didn't turn out and most were burned. Do you serve food that you know if crap or omit it all together. Which is the bigger offense?

Ron says he's not deconstructed much food. He also points out that his dish was the hardest to deconstruct because paella is made differently depending on where you go. He's not totally untrue, but there is still a classic seafood paella. Now whether he knows that or not is yet to be seen. But his reason for serving a pathetic bowl of food is not covered by his excuse. Tom points out that Ron seemed confused in the challenge. Which he did! But this is the same issue he's had from the very beginning. He didn't quite understand what a 'vice' was and how to interpret that into food. He didn't really seem to grasp the whole angel/devil side of things in a dish. And now not only did he not really deconstruct a dish... he couldn't properly cook fish and paella rice, which in the beginning he said he'd made lots of paella.

So who will it be?

While the cheftestants are sent back to the Stew Room to wait, Toby & Michelle whip out their whisks and duel over how to pronounce paella. Toby calls them out for trying to be pretentious for giving a 'y' sound to the double 'l'. Really? This coming from a man and country who says things like "torch" for a flashlight and schedule pronounced heavy on the 'sh'. Shut up, Toby!

Who's going home? It's Ron... I'm a little surprised, only because I'd convinced myself it was going to be Ash. Usually the people I think should go home don't. And the ones I hope stay, leave.

Sorry to see you go, Ron. I'm sure you cook great food, but your grasp of what these challenges were about was your undoing.

Top Chef 5.5 - One Fish... Two Fish... Red Fish... Spew Fish... (Spoilers)

2009-10-08T13:39:00.000-07:00

First of all I want to think Bravo for starting and stopping Top Chef on time and not effin' up my DVR scheduled recordings too bad. None of this 62 minute or 75 minute bullplop! Now, on with the show!

Brother Mike is commenting on how 'Ector was a strong chef, but the likes of Robin are still around. Do they hate her? He thinks that Mike I, his brother Bryan and himself are the strongest chefs there. What? No Jennifer?

Mattin is lamenting about being in the bottom of the French challenge and being French. He's had a top rated restaurant in Food & Wine magazine. He believe he just needs to stick to his style.

Ashley is a twin... and her brother had a baby last night. So she calls him. She's feeling sentimental about being away from her family. Is this a play to humanize her more?

Thus concludes the Get To Know You portion of tonight's show. One of these people will be in the bottom. One of these people will be on in the top. Otherwise... Why mention their story outside of actually cooking?

Someone's in the kitchen with Padma. It's Chef Tim Love!! You might remember him from such shows as Top Chef: Masters. They're certainly getting their money's worth from having two such shows back to back.

What's their challenge? Tell them Magic Voice Over!! To reward fans, TC let us, the loyal viewer, pick the ingredient. When was this decided? The options were rattlesnake, cactus, or kangaroo. One of these things is not like the other... A small margin of 57% of the people who voted picking cactus. You can see the look of terror on most of the chef's faces as they hear this.

I like to put myself in their shoes... What could I make? I've got to be honest, I would have no clue what to do with cactus. I know it's edible, but I have no Earthly idea how to prepare it.

Just to make it a little more interesting... it's a High Stakes Quickfire, but no immunity. Just $15,000!!

Mike I says cactus is like aloe so you have to cure it to prepare it. Serve it raw/cured with raw/cured salmon. Mattin never worked with cactus before. He doesn't want to go too fancy. So he is going to marinate the cactus in tequila. Sound like a good idea to me! Laurine doesn't know how to make it the star of the dish. So she'll just use it IN the dish.

WET SPOT!!! Might I suggest that Robin invests in some non-slip shoes... before she falls and breaks her neck. Though, Top Chef has never had a person leave the show for medical reasons. Maybe this could be a first.

Ash is trying to make what ends up looking like a Taco Bell Mexican Pizza that's been made of Play-Doh. Thick! Oddly colored. Doughy. He called it a play on grilled cheese. Seriously?!

Highlights and Lowlights!!

Laurine - Cactus salsa with achiote glazed pork chop. Chef Love enjoyed it, adding that it has a nice flavor.
Brother Mike V - Avocado roll with a cactus coconut ceviche & red cactus coulis. Chef Love thought it was like two trains colliding. It didn't work.
Mike I - Cactus and tuna ceviche with pipian. He thought it was the only classically compared dish. Didn't he saw earlier he was going to use salmon?
Ron - Chipotle swordfish with cactus sauce & mango papaya crab salad. Chef Love thought the crab tasted rancid.
Ash - Cactus "grilled cheese". He thought the cactus had no flavor and the "tortilla" was thick and dry.
Mattin - Breaded cactus, halibut with tequila. Pickled cactus & red cactus puree. Chef Love thought it showcased the cactus through the tequila.

Ok... What the hell? I get it that as a chef you might have to switch up you dish on the fly. But I'm surprised they didn't mention that Mike I was switching to tuna from salmon. I'm also surprised about Ron's rancid crab. Maybe I just expect too much from this show to have non-expired food for the chefs to cook with. Lastly... Poor Ash... You could tell he had nofrickin' clue what to make or how to use cactus. It truly look like to smashed piece of Play-Doh with a couple smears of God-only-knows-what. I like a gourmet grilled cheese, but that... is no where close. And he knows it!

Mike I wins!! But no immunity... Just money!

I smell sour grapes from Brother Mike. He'd rather work with interesting flavors than take the slime out of the cactus. Um... Wouldn't interesting flavors include cactus? People do cook with it and eat it. Maybe not all the time, but still... Part of the challenge, dude. Quite whining just because you or your brother didn't win.

For their Elimination Challenge they will be preparing lunch outdoors, on a ranch, for cowboys. They will be sleeping on the ranch that night and cooking in the morning to serve at noon. They can cook whatever they want, but it must be upscale. Ash notes that they are all great cooks, but all they all great innovators.

Shopping Frenzy!!

Ashley is thinking there won't be a kitchen. So she's going for a play on a club sandwich. Laurine is also picking up on that there won't be a conventional kitchen and as a caterer she claims to be an innovator. So she should beok preparing food in odd conditions.

As they pull up to the ranch, they see that they're cooking on firepits in the ground. They have some cast iron pans, and chuck wagon-type plates and utensils. That's about it. Brother Mike says it's like a scene from a horror movie. Might I recommend Wolf Creek for such a horror movie?

Robin spent a month in the woods. She loves being in nature. Mattin loves camping because he grew up on a farm? Ashely grew up in the middle of the woods. She is reminiscing about her single parent family and being really poor. The outhouse is what makes it feel like the good ol' days. Eli doesn't believe in camping. Like he doesn't believe in Santa or two separate eyebrows... Brother Mike feels out of his element, but on teh other hand feels that a good chef should be able to produce under any conditions.

Jennifer is spraying bug spray around her tent on the ground. Ron is 'preparing' the tent he's sharing with Ash by breaking off tree branches. He puts them in front of the tent, to keep snakes away as part of a voodoo ritual. I think I'd go with Jennifer's method of pest control. Though, I'm not sure bug spray is effective against snakes or scorpions or coyote.

Speaking of animals... Mike I points out that Ash believes there are no animals in the desert. Mike I corrects him, saying there might be mountain lion, bobcats, tig-... Was Mike I about to claim there be tigers here? Ash jokingly claims he used to be an animal psychiatrist. You know... Before he started cooking and after his acting career. After he was a hoofer on Broadway? Mike I goes on to ask if there are bears out in the desert.

"Bear? Bears are sweet!" I couldn't agree with you more, Ash.

Laurine rolls her eyes and Robin mopes in asking if this was all humorous. Mike I assures her it's not humorous. Huh?! Was Mountain Man Robin asking if they were joking? Or if they thought they were being funny trying to scare the girls... and Eli? Let them have their fun Robin. Go take your gourmet s'more back to your tent.

So... Um... where the hell is their food being kept? Just in coolers? This can't be good... I mean. People get sick at picnics when they eat 'sun-dried' mayonnaise food that's been sitting out all day.

By the way, have you seen the commercials for Whip It? I love Drew Barrymore. I love Juno... I mean Ellen Page. Whip It is a story about a high school girl who gives up her baby for adoption and joins a roller derby league. It's NOT a movie about huffing as I might have accidentally believed when I first heard the name of the movie. Though, I might be confusing two movies right now. Anyway!!! It looks fun. Great soundtrack and Juno!! I mean Ellen Page...

Back in the Top Chef Deserts. Eli is re-explaining the challenge to us. They are talking a lot to him lately. He's going home soon. I'm thinking within the next two episodes. Otherwise, why bother letting us get to know him. We wouldn't miss him when he's gone if we don't know about him.

Ashley knows that cooking in an open flame is rough, because you can't control the temperature as easily. Bryan thinks he'll be ok as long as he sticks to his timeline of what he needs to do. Robin points out the chaos that is ensuing. Ron is asking for a sword to cut open his coconut. Jennifer questions who might even have a sword in their knife kit. The dopey music means this is Top Chef humor... as does Jennifer's pixilated look.

Brother Mike proclaims he isn't cooking for the ranch hands. He's just cooking good food. When people come into your restaurant they either like your food or they don't. Um... I get what he's saying, but I question the wisdom of that in a cooking competition. Laurine points out that Mattin and Ron are making ceviches and it doesn't seem like ranch food. Robin didn't want to do something obvious like pork or BBQ. So Robin is doing a hearty romaine salad and shrimp. She says even tho we may expect them to want steak and potatoes a hardy romaine salad can make them feel good too. Then you don't feel heavy and you actually want to go back to work after you eat.

Did she just seriously say that? Because while I can appreciate a salad... After you've been up since the before the crack of dawn doing what ranchers do... a salad is not what you want to see on your plate. Is she really that out of touch or is she defending what she is making?

I think people are totally missing a great opportunity on this challenge. Sure Padma said "upscale", but does that always mean you have to do some sort of seafood dish? I was thinking the point of this challenge was to make ranch food upscale. Not upscale food on a ranch. Maybe I'm wrong. Pork. Beef. Beans. Breads. Corn. Make it something bigger and better and serve it up!

Padma rings the bell, or triangle... as it would seem... Time is up!

The ranchers show up and it's... OMG!! IT'S MOTLEY CRUE!!! Oh wait, no... It's just Ashley 'calling' them a 'motley crew' of men who have been growing bears since they were 14. IT'S A HORMONE IMBALANCE! Way to be sensitive, Ashley! Maybe Jennifer orMattin could recommend a nice day spa for you to go and get your frazzled mane of locks done up real good.

Ash thinks he could be a rancher, "Looking at cows and lassoing things..." Sometimes the jokes are just too easy. But if he's going to set them up so nicely for me, it'd be a shame to just let it be. I'll give you a by on this round.

YEE HAW!! SERVE 'EM UP!!

Mike I is serving a pork gryo with an apple & fennel tzatziki. I love Greek food! I would totally eat this... BUT I would not, because he called it a JI-ro. Not that I expect everyone to know it's pronounced year-o, not ji-ro. But for someone who talks about their love of Greek food all the time you'd think he'd get it right, at least. Plus, living here in Omaha, our local King Kong Greek restaurant commercials have beat the word into our skulls for years!

Laurine brings us a sauteed arctic char with tomatillo salsa, corn salsa & grilled potato. The judges like the dish. It has a lot of grill flavor. Laurine feels she needs a win to really feel like she can compete with the other chefs. She's not going to win Top Chef, y'all. She's good, but not that good. Let's just toss her a bone.

Robin puts out her grilled romaine salad with drunken prawns and spicy chicken Italian sausage. Her dish sounds good, but it's not what I would call upscale or ranch food. Did she say she went Southwest? I kept replaying it to make sure. How is that Southwest?! But what do the judges think? It's terrible and compare it to sucking on a piece of flooring. She didn't try her prawns until after she served her dish to the judges. Robin knows it's a bad dish.

Mattin is serving up ceviche three ways. Salmon with apple, spicy tuna, & cod with corn. Chef Tom graciously let's Chef Love sample first, and he tries the cod which is too fishy. (In my mind I can hear Mark watching at home screaming "Because IT'S FISH!!") Tom spits out his bite, saying it's still very raw.

Ashley was inspired by her favorite sandwich, the club sandwich. So she's making a seared halibut with avocado mousse, bacon, tomato & braised romaine. Sounds like a winner to me, though I'm questioning fish, again! The judges say this is the best dish she's made so far. Which is a total backhanded compliment.

Bryan is dishing up a roasted pork loin on corn polenta with a bed of dandelion greens & glazed rutabaga. Ok, now THIS seems like ranch food. Polenta being like corn bread. The greens and rutabaga being your veggies. And as long as you cook it right... you can't go wrong with roasted pork. The judges feel the dish is appropriate and tastes delicious!

Ron presents a coconut, mango, lime & tuna ceviche with a Haitian coconut mojito. That's a lot of island flavors. They may be too sweet or overpowering. There is something about sweet and sweat that don't go together. Now, sweet and heat do though... it's a fine line. Chef Love points out that of "all theceviches" they've had that day, it's the best one. If a judge is pointing out that there have been a LOT of ceviches... you might want to back off the ceviches. But let's not forget the cocktail... it's terrible!

Brother Mike brings us dashi with miso & mirin cured black cod and watermelon. It's hard for me to even consider this dish good or bad because I don't care for Japanese flavors. But the watermelon on a nice hot day would be nice. They like the unexpectedness of his dish.

How many ceviches did we see this episode? 4... 5... Seriously! You're not going to win Top Chef with a salad or ceviche. It's an uninspired dish. Everyone makes a ceviche! At least one or two an episode. Is that all these chefs know how to make? Plus it's not hard to make. Even if you've never made it, you probably could pretty easily. The challenge lies in what flavors you combine. Much like a salad. You can make a salad, but what dressing are you putting on it. What components are in the salad. The 'challenge' is in your selection, not in your ability to cook or prepare it.

Hey! Since we didn't hear from Kevin much this episode... but we still want to remind you he's around... Did you know that Kevin is like the King of Horseshoes? Kevin played all the time growing up with a regulation horseshoe pit in his backyard. Thanks, Kevin!

Mike I and Ashley are discussing the way the seafood smelled during prep-time. Ashley smelled something the minute she opened a cooler and hoped it wasn't her. GAH!!! TMI!!! A fishy Ashley is NOT how I wanted to spend thinking about the rest of this episode... or the WEEK!!!

The judges call in Brother Mike, Bryan, Ashley, & Laurine. Ashley was glad to be on the other side of things for a change. They felt Bryan's dish was a perfect restaurant quality dish served outside. They really appreciated Laurine's use of thre grill and what she could do with it. Brother Mike might have been throw off by the unconventional cooking conditions, but it didn't show in his dish.

But who is the winner? BRYAN!! A brother takes the win again for the third time. We're going to have a brothers finale, y'all. Can you feel it yet?

Back in the Stew Room, Ash laments that he "can't be on the bottom. " Really? I get the feeling you on the 'bottom' a lot. If you're going to set them up that easily... You'd been warned, Ash. I'm glad the editors are making my jokes easier.

Robin, Ron, and Mattin are called before the judges for having the most disappointing dishes. Looks likes Ash's bottom worries have been put to rest for now.

Robin claims she immediately thought of BBQ when she heard they'd be serving cowboys. But she didn't want to do something typical like steak. Really? Then why didn't you SERVE BBQ! BBQ isn't necessarily steak. You'reexplanation makes no sense, but I'll let Chef Tom call you on your bullshit. She's not surprised to be there.

Mattin, on the other hand, WAS surprised that he was in the bottom. "REALLY?!" Padma exclaims. Her tone startled me. I don't know if it's the heat or what the deal is, but she is tossing the snark at chefs left and right, lately. Chef Tom points out it was poorly put together and Chef Love got sick from it. Mattin is honestly clueless that he made a bad dish. I can admire him standing behind his dish, but you also have to know what you're putting out there.

They point out to Ron that if he'd just made his ceviche and not the cocktail, he probably wouldn't be in the bottom. Ron doesn't drink, but he didn't want the coconut to go to waste. So he made themojito . I admire his desire to not want to waste, but you might want to try it first. And if you don't drink... maybe you shouldn't make a cocktail.

Who's going home? It's... Mattin!!

Someone spitting out your food is a surefire sign that your ass is going home. Eating bad food is inexcusable. Not being able to eat the food at all is grounds for getting your ass booted off the show. So the Birthday Curse continues. If you're unfamiliar with the history of Top Chef... It's bad luck to have your birthday while on the show. Because you will be packing your knives soon after. This episode was no exception, seeing as how Mattin had his birthday on last weeks episode.

Au revoir, Mattin!! Please pack you ascot and get the hell out!

Top Chef 5.4 - The Cheese-Eating Surrender-Monkey Episode (SPOILERS)

2009-10-08T13:36:00.000-07:00

Wow the girls are dropping like flies around here. Robin wants to see the women rock a little more than they have been. Good sentiment... So do something about that! Mike I, That Guy, doesn't feel he should've been in the bottom the last challenge. Maybe, but the judges did. Just a thought...

Daniel Boulud French chef and restaurant owner will be the guest judge with Chef Tom for the Quickfire. Where's Padma? Sleeping off a hangover? They will be cooking with snails.

Jennifer hasn't used snails much at all. So she is nervous as hell. She's also questioning who the hell would even figure out snails were edible. Touche!

Ashley and her Drew Carrey glasses explain what a High Stakes Quickfire. She, too, is nervous because whoever loses this challenge will be going home.

ALLEZ CUISINE!!!

Robin accidentally takes Ron's snails, but offers her actual snails in return. He seems cool with it, but that's just bad mojo working against Robin. Rockin' it in the kitchen doesn't mean you don't have to pay attention to your food versus someone elses food. Jesse feels she's capable of producing a great dish, but by her own admission she's been in a haze lately since she's been in Vegas.

Here are the highlights...

Jennifer - escargot with grilled ramps, brussels sprouts chanterelle mushrooms and yuzu
Jesse - "ELT", escargot, mache, and fried tomato.
Robin- "bagels & lox", poached escargot with marmalade, gooseberries, on rye crostini.
Ashely - escargot mirepoix soup & salad.
Kevin - friccassee of snails with mushrooms, brussels sprouts and a candied bacon jam.
That guy - sauted escargot with potato garlic puree, spring onion and ouzo broth.

I get that Robin and Jesse are trying to do plays on other foods. But I think this is the wrong place for that. French take their food very seriously. Maybe it's just nerves, but I can't see these are being winning dishes. I am in LOVE with the idea of bacon jam. I want to make this! I want to try this! Kevin, call me!

Kevin wins! And wins BIG... he is immune in the elimination challenge because he doesn't have to compete. Clearly, it was the bacon jam that pushed him into the lead.

Ashley, Jesse, and Robin are sent to the kitchen to COOK FOR THEIR LIIIVES. They have to make an amuse bouche. My understanding of an amuse bouche is that it's one bite. One. Bite. Not a small bowl of something like these three are making.

Jesse - tuna tartar with fried quail egg and fried bread
Ashley - caramelized foie gras and pineapple
Robin - avocado soup with shrimp

Someone is sent home NOW!! And it's Jesse... they don't really show an outpouring of emotion for her departure. No hugs or high fives. I wonder if that was editing or nerves because it's still right in the moment of the competition.

For the next challenge they draw knives. Kevin doesn't have to pick. Six of them get French sauces while the other six get popular French proteins. They will be cooking for the biggest names in French cooking. Kevin doesn't have to draw because he gets to dine with the judges and guests. Kevin is clearly stunned and almost teary about dining with French culinary royalty.

Mattin says this challenge is made for him. He feels it shouldn't be a problem. The Anvil Of Irony floats idly...

Ashley is paired up with Mattin. She offers suggestions to him as they shop. Maybe asparagus would be good, she tosses out there. He declines. In the end she submits to his Frenchness.

Ron & Robin are paired. Robin is all over the place. Ron seems annoyed, but calm around her. Jen & Brother Mike are gunning for the top spot. Bryan & That Guy want to win too. They know that Jen and Brother Mike are the team to beat in this challenge. Eli & Laurine and Ash & 'Ector round out the pairs.

That Guy wants to make be different with the sauce. So Bryan offers an eggless bearnaise sauce that he's made before. That Guy is down with idea. Bryan shows That Guy how to do it and he's off! Eli was under the impression that Robuchon didn't actually exist and that he's was a unicorn. Maybe he's been hanging with Jesse too much and he's in a haze too. Ron wants to impress the judges with his French-influenced Haitian cuisine and give them something that they might only have back in France.

Ashley is nervous and so she is letting Mattin take the lead. Personally I think she is setting him up. I don't think she is totally behind the dish they're making. So by letting Mattin take the lead she can shrug off any blame if they go down. Jennifer & Brother Mike are flying through dish! They are so in sync with what the other is doing.

The judges and such esteemed guests, Daniel Boulud, Hubert Keller (you might recognize from such shows as Top Chef: Masters), Jean Joho, Laurent Tourondel, translator Emmanuel, and finally Joel Robuchon. He's big in France! Seriously. While the other guests get titled as Chef/Owner of whatever restaurant they're known for... Robuchon get the title Chef Of The Century. This guy knows his stuff. I remember him on Iron Chef. Which may seem silly, but looking back on the reverence that some of the biggest Japanese chefs had for this guy didn't make sense. I've since learned that he IS the top dog when it comes to cooking. Kevin is like a kid in a candy store. This is like a chef's wet dream. Being able to eat and talk shop with some of the best French chefs that inspired your own career is monumental. Well, talk shop through translator Emmanuel, in the case of Robuchon. But now I'm just splitting hairs.

Ron & Robin are up first. Robin notes that their salad is wilting under the heat lamps. They are serving frog legs meuniere with lemon confit, mache & arugula salad with fried capers.

I can already tell I'm going to have to look up SO MANY things to even know what the hell they are eating. Curse you, Top Chef!!

The diners can see some originality in the dish, but it's overcooked. The meat is seasoned well, but heavy on the flour.

That Guy & Other Brother Bryan are up next. That Guy is starting to holler at Bryan as he's putting the finishing touches on the food. Seriously? You ride his coattails and you're going to tell HIM what to do? They are serving a warm cured trout with a deconstructed Bearnaise. This is the tiniest BITE of food I've ever seen. THIS is an amuse bouche.

I don't get deconstructed food. I mean, I suppose it can be clever at times. But really it just seems lazy.

The judges and guests LOVE the dish. It was very well executed. Kevin chimes in with his concern on how the deconstructed sauce might have lost some of it's flavor, but he was impressed.

Eli & Laurine bring out lobster, sauce americaine with cauliflower puree. The judges aren't in love with it. The lobster is tough and the sauce is bitter. The do say that with no classical French training they didn't do too terribly bad.

Ashley & Mattin present a seared poussin and ravioli with sauce veloute and green asparagus. Wait a minute... Didn't Mattin nix the asparagus idea at the market? Mattin does a little flourish before he leaves. He clearly doesn't want to go just yet. The judges feel that the bacon that Mattin added overpowered the dish.

Jennifer & Brother Mike are cutting it close but they serve up a rabbit chassuer with mustard noodles and shiso. The judges comment that it's not easy to cook rabbit. Chef Tom adds that for young chefs that it's very mature work.

Ash & 'Ector are up last. 'Ector is hacking at the meat. The meat is still bloody and the juices have spilled out all over the dish. Ash is having a hard time saucing. There is not enough sauce on the plates because the meat is soaking it all up. Too late to do anything about it now... Time's up! They have made Chateaubriand with sauce au poivre, with confit de pommes, and spinach. You can see it in Ash's face that he's not happy. The judges can't find the sauce. The cooking is inconsistent. The meat is not evenly done. They are not happy at all.

Gail notes that she doesn't think they could've had this kind of meal at this point in any of the other seasons. Now I've discussed this with a couple people by now... I think that's an unfair statement. They other seasons didn't have the opportunity. So while she can speculate that... It's just seems unfair to say. Plus, all shows say this is the "best" of whatever each new season. It's built in to the show. It's hard to believe it when everyone says it.

Joel Robuchon says that if anyone of them would want to come work for him, he'd be happy to have them in his kitchen. Wow! I don't know if he's serious about that, but the statement alone is heavy. I hope someone actually takes him up on that. I'd love to see That Guy go knock on Robuchon's door and get turned away or even better... ushered in the back under the cover of darkness.

Kevin comes to sit with the other chefs in the stew room. Eli wants the scoop. He wants to know what the jduges like and didn't like... Kevin is very ambivalent and tight lipped about it. I am guessing the producers didn't want him to spill the beans and ruin the surprise. That would be so hard not to do!

Padma comes in calls in the teams of Jennifer & Brother Mike and Bryan & That Guy. They are the two best dishes of the night. Everyone is STILL very tightly wound. The judges have to tell them to exhale.

That Guy takes credit for the sauce bearnaise. The judges do bring up that Bryan seemed to have been responsible for everything on the plate. They loved his technique.

Jennifer & Brother Mike are really crediting not only themselves but each other. It seems almost like these two are kind of flirting with each other while standing before the judges. Where the hell did this come from?

Bryan wins!! Considering he was responsible for that entire dish... he better have won.

He wins the opportunity to work for Joel Robuchon for a week at his Las Vegas restaurant. Kevin may have one the to win the meal with culinary big shots, but working for him for a week? WOOO!!

The judges want to see...

Ashley & Mattin. Their dish was heavy and poorly cooked. It had too much bacon. WHAT?! Is there such a thing? But I'm not a judge. The aspargus was a bad choice for the dish and the judges want to know who's idea it was. Mattin says it wasn't his. Ashley finally admits that it was her idea. She suggested it, but Mattin went along with it for the dish. Seriously, I'm wondering what the heck happened. Because he's clearly not in love with the idea at the store. Mattin seems young and somewhat inexperienced. Ashley just seems like she is over it. I don't think she is accepting her role in the dish. It WAS a team challenge this week (unlike last week). Yet, she seems almost flippant about stepping up at all. I get the impression she made this dish because she had to as part of the challenge, but wasn't whole heartedly in to the idea at all.

...and...

'Ector and Ash. The judge bring up the saucing issue. Ash explains their time crunch and that while each plate was sauced (much like I wish I was while watching this episode) it wasn't enough for the state the meat was in. He points out that the meat wasn't done in time. The meat was unevenly cooked and it appeared to have been sliced by rabid wolverines. It didn't have enough time to rest before it was cut and so it bled out onto the plates.

Ash lightens the mood back in the stew room... "The loved everything!"

Personally I think Ash is safe. Mattin over-baconed his dish. I think Ashley is in the bottom to much and her number is coming up soon. 'Ector has effed up his protein a couple times, but will this time be his last?

It's... 'Ector! He wanted to stay long and show more of his skills. Which... That's a nice sentiment, but this is week four! Show some skills from the beginning. There is no strategy on a show like that. Just do it!

Top Chef 5.4 Appetizer

2009-10-08T13:34:00.000-07:00

I'll have more of a recap tomorrow. For now I just wanted to spout off a few observations about the cheftestants and the show itself.

So far I'm liking this season. I can't say it's my favorite. I've heard from a couple different people that this season seems to lack the caliber of chefs as some of the previous seasons. I can't say that I disagree completely. But I will say that one thing I think this season is lacking is drama. Sure it's a cooking show. But where are the rivalries? Where is the villain to root against? Where is the underdog to root for? We're four episodes in and the front runners are easy to spot. There are a couple people who are taking the challenges very serious, but I'd hardly call them villains at this point.

I want more clever Vegas terms usage. All-in! Double down! Full House! Royal Flush! Break The Bank!

Let's take a closer look at the chefs that are left in Vegas.

Ash - You've had a few moments in the spot light. Though, I still don't get a sense of what you're capable of cooking. You're too much in the middle and I'm not feeling the belly-fire you need to win or at least wow the judges.

Hector - You seem like you've got some tasty flavors you could pull out of your bag of tricks. I just don't know that the judges share your palette.

Jesse - I think you got lucky right out of the gate. But since then, the challenges have just kept you guessing. I don't think you're good at thinking on your feet, and that is a HUGE liability on Top Chef.

Ashley - You seem inconsistent at best. You're a hot head in the kitchen which is good for TV drama, but honestly, your food doesn't back up what you're verbally cooking. If all you are is a drama queen there are a lot of other shows on Bravo that can give us that.

Eli - You're another Middle Of The Pack kinda guy. Other than you and Kevin have some kind of Atlanta bromance going on I don't much about you.

Kevin - You surprised me. My first impressions of you were very wrong. I thought you'd be all talk and no wok. *GROAN* But you can cook! You seem to have a flair for making high falootin' cuisine approachable with Southern charm.

Mike I - You seem like a douche. I don't personally find you funny or entertaining. I think you have been riding the coattails of those around you. Hopefully we'll soon see what you're made of!

Ron - I don't know much about you. You seem like you have a wealth of culinary knowledge, but I've yet to see it. You're the gentle giant of the season. Not really a threat.

Robin - I don't get a sense that I know what you're capable of cooking. You seem fun and spacey and I bet you have 1000 ideas of what you can make. That might lead to some amazing combinations on a plate... or it might lead to a jumbled mess.

Laurine - Who? Seriously... who? You had a moment last week where you pretty much said you weren't really IN the competition. I think you might be overwhelmed.

Mike V - Between you and your brother I expected more competition. Though I think it's being built up by Bravo more than you. Sure you want to beat your brother, but I think you two have a good health respect for each other.

Bryan - Kick your brother Mike V's ass? Maybe... if you feel like it. I think the two of you will go a long way in this competition, but when it comes down to chopping someone which one of you two will it be. You know Bravo can't have BOTH of you in the finally. That'd be too obvious.

Mattin - You seem kind of out of it. I mean, you seem to be having fun, but you also don't seem to be really thrownin' down like the rest of them. You better step it up or you'll be gone SOON!

Jennifer - You have the culinary balls to back up what you sling in the kitchen. I love someone who can stand strong in the face of a challenge. I'm thinking you'll go far!

Right now I'm picking Kevin, Jennifer, and the Brothers (Mike & Bryan V) to make it to the final four. From there it's anyone's game. Who do you think will make it to the end?

Top Chef 5.3 - You Don't Win Friends With Salad (SPOILERS)

2009-10-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

Jennifer is pissed about the last challenge and she's used to being in the top. I had to rewind this part a couple times... I thought I misunderstood what she was saying about being "a top". Because I'm sure she has emasculated a few men in her time. (First paragraph in to the recap and we're already pushing blue!!)

Laurine feels intimidated by some of the other chefs. She took some time off before really focusing on being a chef. She needs to concentrate and do the best she can do. I kind of feel bad for Laurine. She doesn't seem to have the hunger for winning like some of the cheftestans do. No pun intended.

Jesse is tired of being in the bottom. Then, I have a tip for you Jesse. Cook better food! Just a suggestion. Quitting telling us what you should've done and do it in the first place. My feeling on Jesse is that she may be a good cook, but isn't a good enough chef to think on her feet in the heat of the moment. "Shoulda" will only get you so far.

Mike I is a dude. He is quickly becoming 'That Guy'. We all know a That Guy... He's the one that makes slightly inappropriate jokes that lean more towards uncomfortable than funny. He'll piss someone off and then complain that they are sissies because they can't take a joke.

Mark Peel is the guest judge for this episode. You might remember him from the recent Top Chef: Masters series that Bravo did as a filler this summer. For their challenge will be working with every kind of potato imaginable to make the best dish they can. Get it? Potatoes? (Mark) Peel? Eh? EH!? Ooooh, Top Chef, you're such a card. You keep my in stitches with your subtle humor. I wonder what challenge designer about messed himself when he came up with this idea because he thought it was the funniest thing ever.

Padma says go and the chefs are off!!

My first thought was to make gnocchi, but in 45min? For me it takes way longer than that. Chop and boil off the taters. Sufficiently mash them so they are smooth and not lumpy at all. Plus cool them off enough that you can add eggs and flour to make a dough. PLUS make whatever other elements of your dish to go along with the gnocchi... not in 45 minutes.

Ron related how he feels about food to Bob Marley and music. Food. Peace. Love. Ron "Marley", ladies and gents. He's not just an immigrant chef. He's also a philosopher.

Jesse goes for a play on flavors mixing sweet and spicy. She whips together a sweet potato soup that has enough cayenne to burst into flames on it's own. She know it is REALLY spicy. She knows she should've been lighter on the cayenne.

Mike That Guy goes for a potato risotto. He talks down to us about what risotto is. I'm tired of him talking to people like those watching are dumb. Even if you don't know what something is that the chefs are making or working with... let Bravo's title cards explain to us what your dish is rather than beating us over the head with it you big goomba.

Ashley is going to attempt potato gnocchi in 45 minutes. If you can do it... go for it!! Not only that, but she is whipping together a homemade ricotta to go with her dish. Kind of like in the last challenge where she did two dishes instead of just one. I think Ashley has ambition, but probably is biting off more than she can chew sometimes. Her work suffers as a result. We'll see how far she gets before that is her undoing.

SCANDAL!!! Kevin let's Pretty use his pot of water for blanching her asparagus. She steps away to get other elements of her dish ready and when she returns Kevin's water is gone and Ashley has a pot of water boiling for the gnocchi she is going to make. She mistakes Ashley's pot for Kevin's and tosses asparagus in it. Ashley FREAKS!! I don't know how long the asparagus were in the water, but I know that green veggies can tint and flavor the water pretty easily. The water gets dumped out (by Pretty?) and Ashley freaks out even more! There is only 13 minutes left to boil water and then boil the gnocchi. Jennifer chimes in that she would've been PISSED and not as calm as Ashley. Really!? Holy crap! I can't even imagine what it must be like to work in Jennifer's kitchen. She rules with an iron fist.

I can't really feel like I can side with Ashley on this one. Pretty clearly didn't mean it as sabotage or even to do anything wrong. It was an honest mistake from the way we see it play out. It sucks... of course! But if Ashley is concerned about timing maybe she shouldn't have tried to make gnocchi in 45 minutes.

Jennifer is putting together a dish of steamed mussels, Yukon gold and blue potatoes, in a lemongrass potato sauce.

Ash is wanting to make a sweet potato ice cream. He's having trouble with the ice cream setting up. It's not coming together at all. What he does that a lot of chefs don't seem to do on this show is something so simple it amazes me that it doesn't happen more. He CALLS HIS DISH SOMETHING ELSE!!! He doesn't claim it to be ice cream when it's clearly not! He's made a chilled sweet potato custard with toasted pecans.

If I said lasagna most people could conjure an image of what a piece of lasagna looks like. A cheesy, meaty, saucy, brick of noodles... layered to make one of the best things on the planet. But if you meddle with too many of the key elements that make lasagna 'lasagna' then you need to call it something else. Ash takes this cue to NOT call his dish an ice cream. Usually this comes up in the Elimination Challenges where the chefs are spending hours making dishes and not JUST a hour. Which makes me wonder how far in advance they have to tell some one in production what they are making so the judges know, or in case menus need to be printed up.

Eli has created sweet potatoes with a whipped maple syrup topping. An homage to Southern cooking's sweet potatoes with marshmallows. He doesn't think he'd be in the bottom with this dish. When he says this you know he's just asking for it. Hear that? It's the sound of the Anvil Of Irony getting close.

Mark picks his top dishes. He liked Jennifer's dish, good combo of flavor texture color. Ash's dish has nice flavor and is well seasoned. Ash can barely stop from laughing out loud because of how close to disaster he was. He can't even look up to face anyone, he's holding it in so much. They like Ashley's dish. Going on to say that the mushrooms go really well with the gnocchi.

On the losing end... Eli's dish was too sweet. I'm not a chef and I could've told them that. I grew up hating sweet potatoes because the only time we had them was the typical holiday dish where it was COVERED in marshmallows. For all the big flavor Ron talks of his dish of sweet potato crusted yellowtail with fennel and leek stew, it was bland. Jesse... too much cayenne. "BALLS!!" Oh Jesse... they're just looking to send you home. Seriously, you're going to make it too easy for them one of these days.

Chef Mark talks about the winning dish and uses the word UMAMI!? When did this take over the world? I know I watch a lot of food related programming, but suddenly umami (what the Japanese call savory) is being tossed around in conversation like it's something we've known all along. I thought this was just a marketing gimmick. This is a real thing people. Have we evolved as humans and developed a new taste bud sense? WOOT!! We couldn't evolve something more useful? A better tongue is what we get?

And the winner is.... Jennifer!!

Mike That Guy claims favoritism? What?! Because Jennifer wins? WTH? Someone has some inadequacy issues with being beat by a woman. My prediction is That Guy and Jennifer will get into at some point. They'll whip it out to see who's bigger and Mike will lose, call foul, and just say it was a joke.

Elimination Challenge.

Col. Dave Belote of the Air Force explains what the challenge will be. Padma adds they won't know what they will be cooking or where. They'll just have to find out the next day. First they toss potatoes at the cheftestants and now they work in a military kitchen. Oh I get the theme now... Because you might be punished in the military by working in the kitchen peeling potatoes. Wow, they just keep it up with the theme don't they? Are they going to go through boot camp next? If so, there are a few chefs who I don't think will make it. I'm looking at you Frenchy.

Let's have a moment here, you and I. Sit... Please. Ok... so, Ashley has an issue with cooking for a wedding party because same sex couples aren't allowed "in that institution". But not for the military where it's still Don't Ask Don't Tell? Hrm... Methink thou dost protest not enough. Granted we can always say that they just decided not to show it if she did voice such an opinion. But I doubt that Bravo would shy away from such a thing. Though, even thinking deeper on this. I suppose showing Ashley's thought on marriage would be pro-marriage equality and showing her (presumed) thoughts on gays in the military would be anti-military. So I can see a difference. But I digress...

They are notified they will be working as a single team. But they decide they still need a leader and they also decide to break up into teams of two to make dishes. This seems to be a heavy handed point so you know something is coming. That Guy suggests Jennifer be the team leader since she has immunity from the Quickfire Challenge. She's fine with that since that's what she does in her regular job.

He also the one that suggests forming teams... Really? Why? Padma seemed pretty clear on it was everyone on ONE team. I'd take that to mean, you're working together to create a dish and serve it and you're responsible for your one dish. But as part of a team it needed to be cohesive with the other dishes that were served. A part of the whole, if you will.

Pretty & Laurine team up because they are both from San Fran. Kevin & Eli form a "fat kid bond". Mike V would think it's obvious to work with his brother Bryan, but he teams up with Mike That Guy. They've worked in the same kitchens in the past so they have history. Bryan & Mattin are paired off. Jesse & 'Ector and Robin & Ron round out the pairs. Jennifer is the Executive Chef for the day.

They have no idea what the kitchen will have for ingredient. The military kitchen has no burners, no pots, no blenders, and canned food. Mattin doesn't feel confident using cans. It's Ash's Worst Fears kitchen. Kevin's cooked in military kitchen's from ROTC experience. So he's ok...

Now here is where I show my culinary ignorance. I have an electric stove and I call it a burner. So in the really chefery world... is a burner a gas stove only? I'm guessing so, because I don't see any caveman fires started so they can prepare their meal. Wouldn't that be a great challenge? Cook in the style of Fred Flintstone. Using small pterodactyls for can openers. Then using that same pterodactyl IN the dish... AWESOME!! Then we can see Kevin and Eli dressed as Fred and Barney.

The military folks and Judges arrive. Did Padma just flash her hoohah to that military valet? Was that her own personal salute? Close your legs Britney, you're on camera.

Buffet service begins...

The title card labels the first dish as made by Brother Mike and That Guy for this dish. I take issue, but we'll get to that in a bit. They make a Greek salad with cucumbers, chickpeas, olives and olive oil poached shrimp. I could make this dish. I HAVE made this dish... I'm not impressed.

Pretty & Laurine put together a pasta salad with broccoli, peppers, sun dried tomatoes, and artichokes. Laurine wanted a vegetarian dish and worried about the cooking space she had. I could make this dish..I HA-... well you get the point.

Ron & Jesse made a New England style clam chowder with roasted corn. Seems like a great idea in the Nevada desert. Who wouldn't crawl straight out of the sandy wasteland and NOT crave clam chowder. I'm in!

Robin & 'Ector are serving a three been chili with roasted chicken, with celery garnish. Again... it's not sweltering enough?

I talked with a couple people about spicy hot versus heat hot. Chili vs. Chowder. While I've made chili on warmer days this last summer, it was more because I was craving it and not because I wanted it to warm me up. But would I serve it in mass quantities? No...

Kevin & Eli present a Georgia style braised pork with potato salad. This is really standard picnic food, but I would still love to try it coming from a real chef and not just a home cook. Plus Kevin's family has BBQ Competition experience so you know his pork is going to be top notch. Kevin sells their dish really well. He has a knack for really bringing his food with a story.

Brother Mike & That Guy are also serving up a braised pork belly with a soy mustard sauce and peanuts. Served in romaine leaves, to be eaten like a taco. Hrm... a bacon taco? Count me in!

Brother Bryan & Mattin - Roasted beef New York strip loin with a mushroom demi-glace and cauliflower gratin.

Sidenote: Heat Lamps are not good lights for Gail... WOW! She looked like the devil!!

Ash & Ashley bring a chocolate bread pudding with a peanut butter sauce.

Jennifer is my new favorite person this season. She will cut you. For someone who is a confessed bitch, thank goodness she has the chops to back it up and the balls to get up in someone's face and be fair and just in her words. She'll make someone cry before this is all over. My vote is That Guy.

Ash, Ashley, and Jennifer are the serving lines bitches. They will be filling anything they need to do for each line.

Pretty & Laurine are nervous about their pasta salad, as they should be. Jesse also wanted to make someone cooler, but they didn't have the right equipment.

The judges are amazed and LOVE the pork shoulder from Kevin & Eli. Chef Mark likens the potato salad to his Aunt's who apparently was famous for her's. Turning to team Brother Mike & That Guy, they can't get enough of the prok belly (i.e. bacon). DELICIOUS. But the Greek salad That Guy put out was not good. No acid. No salt. The shrimp was underdone.

Ok... here is my beef!! It's called a 'team' challenge, but it's all ONE team. I think pairing off just means they get out of cooking more food. Instead of having 15 items to select from they judges are getting eight. I think that on some level That Guy was trying to shirk some responsibility by suggesting this as an option.

On the flipside... Pretty & Laurine's pasta salad was salty, a half assed job, uninspired, and showed a lack of creativity.

Jennifer didn't cook anything, but they really don't mention that point or that she did a kick ass job running that whole show. I suppose it's a good thing she had immunity. Though this is a cooking show.

"Teams" Eli/Kevin & Mike That Guy/Brother Mike V are called in as the best dishes. They can't rave enough about Brother Mike and his braised pork belly. They touch on That Guy's dish, but it's kind of overshadowed by how much they are creaming themselves over the bacon wrap dish. They love what Kevin and Eli put together. Mark Peel likens it to great home style southern cooking. The winner? Mike V!! Now the brothers are 1 and 1.

For the bottom dishes... they call back Pretty, Laurine, and... That Guy???! He's stunned. He's pissed! He's hot mad! Maybe he needs some chowder or chili to cool down. He basically walks in to the stew room where the other chefs are and then walks right back out to judges table.

As they call out That Guy on his Greek salad he says, "I guess it wasn't a team today." IT WASN'T A TEAM!?!! You were all on the SAME team. But you were all individuals. Supposedly responsible for individual dishes ON said team. Not teams within teams. Laurine she forgot she was in a competition and just wanted to serve those soldiers. Nice sentiment, but you just shot yourself in the foot. Pretty thought it was a good dish. She didn't understand why she was in the bottom. She stands behind her dish as a good dish and questioned if clam chowder on a 90 degree day. Chef Tom snaps back that it was a better version of clam chowder than their version of a pasta salad.

The judges work hard to get Pretty and Laurine to turn on each other, according to Laurine. I can see her point, but I think they also want to know who came up with a dish that didn't work. Someone had to have suggested pasta salad.

That Guy is pissed! He claims he's more pissed at himself, but I don't buy it... He's a bodyguard away from flying across the table at Chef Tom.

But let's have them stew a bit longer. Shall we?

Judge Gail Simmons points out that no one asked them to pair up into teams. They did that on their own. The judges want to know who was responsible for what components. Tom thinks that That Guy just served a "throw away" dish. Adding that Laurine seems embarrassed by her dish, but wishes she'd felt that before she got before the judges. It doesn't seem that Pretty is understanding why her dish was bad.

Who's packing their knives? ...Preeti!! Awww.... She thanks them for the opportunity and leaves. I'm sorry you're gone. You had spirit. You couldn't cook well enough to beat the likes of a piping hot bowl of clam chowder, but you were fun to watch cook. Good luck, little man! I'm sorry I couldn't spell your name right til I felt like looking it up after you were eliminated.

TOP CHEF 5.2 - Bachelor/ette Party (SPOILERS)

2009-10-08T13:32:00.000-07:00

In case you missed last night's episode here is a quickie recap of what went down and who was sent packing.

We open on Jesse and Eve lamenting about how they have a lot of prove. Jesse comments that she was in the bottom of the last elimination challenge. I think it's a standard response in the Top Chef interviews, to say you have a lot to prove. Who doesn't? You're there to prove you are a Top Chef!

Walking in to the kitchen the chefs are met by Chef Todd English waiting with Padma for the Quickfire. In this Quickfire Challenge, the chefs must roll dice which will determine how many ingredients they must use in their dish. Salt, pepper, and oil don't count in their dice roll.

Laurine rolls the lowest number, with a three. She makes an asparagus, leeks, and lemon soup. I'm far from a chef, but I think cooking with fewer ingredients would be difficult. I can see having one or two main components on a plate that you season and dress up. Yet when every little thing counts and you can only use three things, that would be rough! So I really feel for Laurine at this point.

Jesse doesn't grab a stainless steel pan in order to get a sear on her scallops. Maybe she could just use the ample stainless she has poked through her face parts. I don't have any stainless steel cookware, yet. (My birthday is coming up folks. *wink wink*) So I might have grabbed a non-stick pan out of force of habit, if I was on the show. But whereas Jesse is a trained chef, it makes me wonder how much she can think clearly on her feet.

The brother rivalry is in full swing. Brother Michael pulls out the win with a nitro gazpacho, winning immunity and $15,000. While his Brother Bryan's dish lands him in the bottom, with his poached black cod with carrot, ginger puree & daikon radish sprout.

For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs have to cook for a bachelor/bachelorette party. The boys will be cooking for the bride and the girls will be cooking for the groom. Each team must pair at least two dishes with one of the three shots that the couple loves; a moscow mule, a golden delicious, or tequila.

Ashley has personal feelings about the challenge. She has is clearly bothered about doing a challenge for a couple getting married when she is not allowed to legally marry her partner. Preeti, with her partner of 13 years, feels lame for not being MORE fired up about it, but as she says "this is the world we live in." While I can understand Ashley's point, I do find it a little melodramatic. Will she feel just as strong when a couple comes in to her restaurant for their anniversary? Or any heterosexual couple for that matter?

The bride is a pescetarian. For that alone I find her annoying... You'll eat seafood, but you won't eat meat? I respect your choice to do so, but I find it trendy and a little Gossip Girly. Good luck to the groom with her!

As the chefs fly around the kitchen in a flurry of activity, we get a few snippets from some of the cheftestants. Eve tells us she has a diploma in wine & spirits. This is something you can get? Awesome! Ashely thinks the women need a confidence booster. She thinks some of the men are making complicated dishes and using ingredients some of the women haven't even heard of.

Ashley decides they have enough time and ingredients, so she wants to do two dishes. She decides to make a bay and vanilla panecotta, but admits she is not a pastry chef. Ok, two things... 1) desserts are a Top Chef nightmare. It's rare that anyone likes to do them in a challenge. It's the Kiss Of Death. 2) Why make a second dish when you've got one dish already good to go? Ok so I lied... there is a third point. 3) Even though she suggests that 'we' make a second dish. It ends up being just her doing it and taking credit for it. Jennifer even points out that they should probably just focus on their one dish for the time. Ashley must've meant the royal 'we'.

Hector.. oh! Excuse me. 'Ector cuts it close trying to finish the prep for his tofu ceviche. He scrambles at the last minute to finish his tortillas. The rest of the guys pull together to help him get everything prepped. Will he be That Guy that everyone has to help out each challenge?

The day of the party. Poolside of a fancy Vegas hotel. Preeti uses shiso leaves for garnish on her ahi tuna appetizer. In that heat?! Eve is very focused on her dish and it's lack of flavor. Maybe more salt. That's the perfect thing on a hot vegas day. You won't be thirsty at all.

Ashley is still having issue with the challenge. How is it hard to be gay and do this challenge? Preeti and Ash seem to be focused on cooking. Does it suck to be reminded you can't marry in most places? Yes. But don't act like you're going to be bitter every time you have to cook for a happily married couple? As the bride and groom appear she is voicing her happiness for them that they can legally marry. I feel her. I really do... Trust me! But I find her to be over dramatic. I suppose it makes for good TV.

The highlights!!

Jesse - Chicken in a lettuce cup. She used ginger from the cocktail, but she didn't want to use too much ginger. Her explanation is confusing. The judges didn't get a clear flavor.
Eve - Her shrimp ceviche was bad. The salsa was overpowering. She over complicates her explanation of the dish, which again has too many things going on.
Preeti - Ahi tuna with eggplant. The garnish of shiso leaves are wilted and the dish not professionally done. The judges find the tuna to be way over cured.
Ashley - The judges love her watermelon carpaccio, but her bay leaf and vanilla panecotta they don't like.

'Ector - Tofu ceviche, the judges love it! Todd English comments that it's not easy to work with tofu and make it flavorful. Then, be able to sell it to a crowd.
Bryan - They love his sweet and sour macaroon, filled with guacamole, corn nuts, and corn puree. As a play on chips and guac with a margarita.
Eli - He make a Thai style tuna tartar with ginger, coconut, and puffed wild rice. They love and Gail's tried a LOT of tuna tartar.
Michael - Golden delicious sorbet with a goat cheese crisp, using the same ingredients that were in the shot. Great execution!

After service, the chefs are lounging around poolside. Some of the guys jump in! Laurine questions who'd people would rather see in wet t-shirts. "Girls or fat boys?" Hrm... Also, they must've done this after the party guests or judges were leaving. I'd think that this type of behavior would be frowned upon, seen as unprofessional.

By the way, why does Rachel Zoe still have a show. Who is watching this shit?

At the judges table, Padma calls four boys from the stew room. It's between the brothers, Michael & Bryan. Bryan is the overall winner. I noticed they are not giving away prizes each round for winning the challenge. Instead opting for giving away a cash prize during the Quickfire. That's fine with me... I'm sure everyone was getting tired of only getting a bottle of wine and the guest judges cookbook as a reward.

The girls are called in... Ashley risks being eliminated by making two dishes, one which was not liked. Jesse admits what she did wrong in her dish. She knows her problem, but she make the same mistakes again as last time. With Eve, the judges question if she knows what she is putting together or just hoping for the best. This is not Bob Ross with his happy accidents. Preeti's tuna was beaten up. She didn't seem to know it wasn't a good dish until they told her.

It's looking like Jesse or Eve going home. And Eve is gone... Poor Eve! (Insert your own flourish with long cigarette in hand.) On her way out she says she didn't feel like herself in this setting. She says her combinations are unusual and might not have made sense to the judges. She's not bitter at all, but still... I love it when cheftestants say that the judges didn't "get it". As thought they are the one that is right and it's others that are wrong. Whatever... Good look to you, Eve! See you at the reunion show.

LAST DANCE

2009-04-20T18:04:00.000-07:00

I have sold my soul, or at least part of it.

I started a Facebook account. I mention it here, because I'll probably be updating my Facebook more than I will my blog. The blog isn't going away. But my posts won't be as regular here. Whereas my posts on Facebook will be. Feel free to friend me if you've been following me. I hope to see you there!

CAN'T GO BACK NOW

2009-02-02T16:45:00.000-08:00

Are some people so self-unaware that they can't read a room? I don't mean the generally socially awkward. I grew up like that. I'm a big fan of the socially awkward! The misfits? Big fans!

But sometimes I just don't get how someone can't pick up on the fact that some behaviors just aren't really good things to do in large groups. I think this goes beyond being a rebel and claiming not to care what other people think.

For example... Farting. Everyone has gas. You can not deny that. Farts are funny. Telling gross out stories about them is funny. Yet, sitting in a room with people that you barely know and then getting up only to announce, "Sorry, light a candle!" is not funny.

It's rude. Especially after you've done it more than once.

Now sure there will be those that say, what about if there is a medical reason. When you proclaim that "it's better out than in" in reference to your flatulence... you lose the ability to play the medical card.

Is there no awareness that others around are uncomfortable because of it?

SING FOR THE LAUGHTER. SING FOR THE TEARS

2009-02-02T16:43:00.001-08:00

I've been saying this for YEARS now...

Some of these dopes on American Idol have to be fake. Or in denial. Or planted actors. But something has to be amiss.

I can't stand the early rounds of American idol for this reason. Weed out all the schmoes who someone were moved on to Hollywood. For me to even watch the show at all is a testament of love. One that I probably remind Mark about more than I should. But with as much mind rotting television that is out there, I don't know how people can enjoy watching horrible people, with seemingly no clue that they are horrible, sing.

'Idol' auditioners: Fakes or delusional?

LET FREEDOM RING

2009-01-20T07:38:00.000-08:00

This is a historic day. I BLOGGED!! Ok... not for that reason. The OTHER reason. Which is kind of annoying to me actually. Every time I catch the news, in some form, I'm hearing about how this is a historic occasion. Got it! New President = Historic. But is that the real reason they keep saying that? I get that Obama is the first black President. (Multi-racial, but no point in dwelling on that anymore than it already has been throughout this election.) I do question whether or not that is the reason a lot of the news outlets keep putting it that way.

I didn't vote for this guy just because of his race. I think it's pretty cool how that worked out. I think that it does reflect a changing personal climate of this country. But really... is that it? Because I can't recall this big of a deal being made in the past few elections. Maybe it's because I'm older. Maybe it's because I have more of a political feeling this time around. Not that it's big, mind you. But I didn't have much of anything at all before.

This is the first election that the person I voted for actually won. Maybe that's why I'm noticing the inaugural scene more. I don't want the history books to remember Obama simply because he was the first 'un-white' old guy to get elected. I want them to remember him because he had an amazing presidency.

Don't fuck this up, history books! I'm keeping an eye on your shenanigans.

FREEZE FRAME

2009-01-13T17:25:00.000-08:00

I had been telling Mike how cold it was this morning. I mentioned that as a result of my dampness after getting out of the shower and ready for work, my beard had froze.

Mike: Supposed to be colder tomorrow.
Cris: Nice... at least i'm off tomorrow. i can camp out with chips and salsa and the wii
Mike: That's God's way of telling you to shave that thing.
Cris: NO! it's keeping me warm!
Cris: it might be god's way of telling me to towel off more
Mike: It ain't keeping you warm when icicles are hanging off of it.
Cris: well it froze like nose hairs freeze. not like Jack Frost.
Mike: nose hairs freeze?
Cris: you've never had that happen?
Cris: where the inside of your nose feels like a Triscuit?
Cris: bueller?
Mike: feels like a Triscuit... I don't even know what that means.
Mike: I've never had that happen.
Mike: I've had the hair on my head freeze.
Cris: maybe that's God's way of telling me to trim my nose hairs....
Mike: No, that can't be it. He would surely have gotten after me for that.
Mike: I don't know. Maybe my nasal cavity is just warmer than yours.
Cris: [insert joke about you being filled with hot air]
Mike: Fair enough.

I'M YOURS

2009-01-03T20:17:00.000-08:00

You know who this is for... You know why...

...lub j00!

EAT IT. JUST EAT IT.

2009-01-02T17:00:00.000-08:00

The new year is here and with comes the promise of change. Well it's not exactly a promise. People make resolutions all the time and never keep them. I haven't even considered making a resolution. What I have been thinking about doing is watching what I eat. Or that might just be the fact that for the last week I've been inundated with MSNBC articles and TV report about weight loss. Hell, I even sat around and watched a Biggest Loser marathon on TV the other day.

Mark, when you read this you can skip the next couple of paragraphs. You've already endured my bitching about this.

Allow me to spout off about this show for a moment. I'm so conflicted about The Biggest Loser. I think it's great that these people want to make changes in their lives. I find it kind of cruel that they make it a competition. Let's reward someone for losing a lot of weight in a relatively short time. It kind of seems unhealthy to lose so much in such a time. I know they are monitored by health care professionals, who I'm sure only have the best of intentions for the contestants, and not just wanting to make sure no one does serious damage to themselves or dies (which is seriously damaging itself). God forbid anyone sues because of injuries sustained on the show.

Plus there is game play involved. Toying with your weight so your team loses and you have the potential to send someone home. Purposely gaining weight for the sake of winning money on a show just rubs me the wrong way. I question some of the motivations of these people. I don't begrudge anyone who wants to do this show, but as long as they are doing it for the right reasons. Get healthy. Learn better habits. Don't fuck with your body just for the sake of a game.

I used to fence. When I did, part of my warm up was to run the halls and stairs of the school we had practice in. I can recall my progress over the course of the few years that I did this. A lap consisted of running the halls of one floor, up two flights of stairs running the halls of the upper floor, back down the stairs to where I started. Rinse. Repeat. At first, it was difficult to to make one lap of the building. By the end of my stint there I was able to do at least 3 or 4 such laps and not feel like I was going to die. I miss that feeling. I know my stamina for running such distances has decreased. But then again I've always been a sprinter, not a long distance type runner.

I can make whatever excuses in the world about not exercising. Weather. Time. Motivation. But what about food. I love to cook. What about cooking healthier. I know some good recipes, why don't I make them? Good question... And not one that I can really answer. The 'easy' answer convenience. After working 12 hours, I don't typically feel like coming home and cooking. It's easier to swing by a drive thru and pick up something. Or hit the grocery store and grab a frozen something or other.

I'm a picky eater, but not so picky that I couldn't find something fast and easy that is also healthy. I try and make some easy changes here and there. Maybe it's a brand choice. Maybe it's simple switch from white to wheat. Maybe it's making something from scratch and being able to control the ingredients.

I am more a fan or portion control. Eat what you want (within reason), but just less of it. Also, snacks... and sweets... I'm a snacker, but I should be more conscious of what I snack on. I don't have much of a sweet tooth. I rarely crave a sugary finish to my meals.

So why mention any of this? Is this a resolution that just isn't phrased as one... or maybe it's a long winded one? I can't say for sure. I'm just very conscious of it now. This is what watching a marathon of The Biggest Loser while eating Wing Stop will do to a person.

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE FAMILY

2009-01-02T16:59:00.000-08:00

With Thanksgiving & Christmas barely behind us we immediately have to start looking towards Christmas. Is your shopping done? Are the gifts wrapped? Cards sent? Travel plans... or are you the brave one that is hosting the family? My God have mercy on your soul... All those relatives. All that food to prepare.

Because... Your family will fuck you up! They have been for years. They lie in wait for holidays that require some sort of familial interactions. Just waiting to strike. Just waiting to open the extra strengths cans of crazy and plate you up a heaping spoonful.

Mark & I recently watched Four Christmases. The stars get caught trying to leave for vacation instead of visiting their families on Christmas. The various family scenes that play out are a bit extreme, but not completely unheard of. With any family, when you get that many people together, you're going to have at least a little mayhem ensue.

I come from a small family. I'm closest with my Grandparents. My Father has kids that are way younger than I am, and they live 8 states away. My little brother doesn't have any kids and he usually spends it with his mom during the holidays. My Aunt doesn't have any kids. So it's just usually my Grandparents, my aunt, and myself at Christmastime. As odd as it may sound, I would love a large family Christmas.

Somehow in my mind I've convinced myself that in order to escape one-on-one family-time, I need to be around a larger family. It's easier to blend in. It's easier to sit back and enjoy the wackiness. The nut-job relatives have more targets as options, rather than just singling out you.

People that I've heard say they don't like Christmas say it usually, because they don't like some family member(s). Rarely is it the presents or the food or the holiday in general. The travel can be a pain I won't try to lie, but I don't mind that. Now granted, this is coming from someone who only has to drive an hour and has a few family members that I see at anyone time. The grass seems greener on the other side.

My few family members drive me crazy sometimes. My phone conversations with my Grandmother usually involve explaining to her how my voice mail works and that I can turn 'off' my phone and it will still get calls to it. It won't disturb me. My Grandfather's hearing is shot and he refuses to wear his hearing aides. My Aunt thinks we don't know she still smokes. It's fun to follow her outside to 'talk' with her just to see how long it is before she goes back inside having not been able to sneak outside for a smoke.

Not matter what the future may hold, good, bad or otherwise... I would miss my nutty family if I couldn't get together with them.

WE ARE YOUNG

2009-01-02T16:58:00.000-08:00

This article bothers me... and I'm not sure that I can pinpoint why. The article talks about a research study that states that parents and guardians who reacted negatively when their children come out to them are more likely to attempt suicide, experiement with drugs, and experience severe depression.

Really? Because that kinda seems like a no-brainer to me.

The article goes on to say, "The way in which parents or guardians respond to a youth's sexual orientation profoundly influences the child's mental health as an adult." Again.. really? How about you just be nice to your kids?

I was a late bloomer and have a weird dynamic with my family so I can't really use my own personally coming out experience as an example. What I can tell you is that... kids want acceptance from their parents or some parental figure in their life. I guess it kind of bothers me that it had to be broken done into a sexuality issue and published as research topic.

SHINING THROUGH

2009-01-02T16:52:00.000-08:00

I recently read this 'debate' between two vocal gay rights advocates. I would classify either viewpoints as extreme, but I would classify them as extremely different.

On one hand we have the viewpoint that the selection of Rick Warren to give the opening prayer at Obama's inauguration as an afront to religious members of GLBT community. On the other had we have the inclusion of Rick Warren, someone who Melissa Ethridge has stuck up for, saying he has gay & lesbian.

I must admit that I'm kind of over the hype. Don't get me wrong. I think the lack of marrying rights for gays is an offense and something that needs to be rectified soon. But I don't think that having Rick Warren give the opening invocation will do much one way or another. My best friends asked me to name the person who gave the opening invocation when Bush was inaugurated. I couldn't. I doubt that most American's could. The same will be said about Rick Warren. He'll soon fade into obscurity as only a footnote in Obama's time as President.

A main point that is discussed is unity. On this note I agree with having Rev. Warren give the invocation. You are never going to please all groups. But why not have "conservative megapastor" who is in support of Obama to do this? The concern of those opposed to Rev. Warren is that he is is acting on behalf of everyone in calling for God's assitance. Yet he doesn't acknowledge gays and lesbians as spiritually whole.

I don't dispute that. But again... There is no way that one person can represent all groups... all faiths... all viewpoints. Not everyone will agree with whomever would be chosen. Sometimes I think the idea is who can we pick that would be the best choice, but also piss off the least amount of people. I fully admit I'm not a religious person so that I see how some might say, "well of course having a pastor who has the same beliefs and ideals" wouldn't be an issue for me.

I think this whole election year has been about finding common ground. I am hardly an extremist when it comes to such things. I want the same freedoms and liberties as everyone else. Do I think that having this man give a prayer is going to be the downfall of gay civil rights? No. Could that have picked somebody different, somebody better? Maybe. But I think that really... no one will remember this event for this man. To think that this is a bigger issue that the inauguration itself... It's a shame.

Gay Rights 2.0

EVERYBODY'S WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND

2008-12-01T08:54:00.000-08:00

Mark and I went to Kansas City this weekend. It's a ritual that we began shortly after we met. We've been going to The Plaza each winter once they begin with their holiday light display. I'm easily amused so it doesn't take much. The weather was a bit stressing, but it could've been worse. It was a bit rainy. Or maybe it was snow... It was hard to tell, really. The drive down wasn't too bad. The walking around The Plaza was nice. I wasn't disappointed to see the lights come on at dusk. It was the drive home that sucked. Fog rolled in and made the flurry-ish snow even a little more annoying. But we took our time. Rather make it alive, than make it in record time.

I like taking road trips with Mark. We have good talks when we're on the road. It's probably because we aren't distracted by TV. I kid, but seriously... there is something about riding along and having meaty conversations that I truly enjoy. There is something that I love about knowing that the man I want to spend my life with is right there by my side. He's got my back. He helps me with directions. He knows when I'm concerned and does what he can to help. He is caring. He is thoughtful. He is loving. He is the one for me... and road trips like this last weekend just remind me of that.

The shopping itself is kind of hit or miss for us. We both like the home decor stores. I'm all about William Sonoma. We both are entertained by Scandia Down, for one primary reason... $400 throw pillows. What is a pillow stuffed with that makes it that much? So we go in there so that I can wipe my nose on it. I'm imbuing it with my essence.

The clothing stores are nice, but I'm not that into clothing that I have to go in and try on various things. I enjoy window browsing, but it's not that super important.

It would be a great place if my friends had extravagant tastes. There are a lot of high end shops. But Mark and I have just as much fun looking at blow out deals at discount stores as we do high end retail.

Speaking of blow out deals, being Thanksgiving weekend... the crowds weren't too bad. Granted with the economic problems the country is having, it's no surprise. Yet, it made for good times in getting around each shop. We actually braved a few stores on Friday. K-Mart looked like a small tornado had hit it. Everything was so picked over. I kind of wanted to go to Wal-Mart simply for the ability to gawk at the masses struggling to get a deal. But my sense got the best of me.

Overall, it was a good weekend. I'm still waiting for a good snow so that Mark and I can park ourselves in front of a window and watch it fall. I'm ready now.

JUST A LITTLE BIT... JUST A LITTLE BIT...

2008-12-01T08:53:00.000-08:00

Silly me for being the responsible one. For making sure that I'm to work on time. For making sure that other people have what they need before my own personal needs are met. Why do I even bother with some people sometimes? I don't get it.

Mark and I went to KC this weekend. I would've loved to just not care a thing about any responsibilities and go down early on Friday and enjoy a nice relaxing night in a nice hotel. Then putz around the town on Saturday. But I couldn't. I was on call. We had to take the weather in to consideration.

I guess I shouldn't assume that just because I have a certain way of operating that everyone else should have at least a similar set of beliefs.

I rarely call in sick. I can't recall the last time I took an official vacation day. Yet other co-workers show up when the feel like it. Doing as they feel like, with seemingly no remorse for it. As well as no consequences. I'm not asking for people to get comeuppance, because one day that might be me. I think there is a certain amount of karma that will come in to play.

I just needed to get that off my chest.

AN ECLECTIC MIX

2008-11-25T09:46:00.000-08:00

BLAME IT ON THE BOOGIE

2008-11-25T08:22:00.000-08:00

Don't we all need a little music to get us going?

PRIVATE EYES ARE WATCHING YOU

2008-11-24T05:53:00.000-08:00

I was recently listening to a podcast and they were discussing how much you are out on the internet. I don't mean out of the closet necessarily. I started me thinking about a few different things. How much do you put yourself out there online for others to see?

Between social networking sites like MySpace and any number of personal blogging sites, and now even micro blogging... The minutia of peoples lives are out there for everyone to experience.

Does anyone care? Does anyone really notice? I know I have people that read this blog that don't comment. I don't expect them to. I write this knowing exactly where it is going and who might see this. I put pictures on Flickr knowing that they are easily accessible to anyone who can work a Yahoo search. But the thing is, I don't put things out there that I don't intend for people to NOT see. Otherwise, why bother?

I haven't talked to my little brother in a long time. I miss him and the rest of my extended family dearly. I've sent links to Flickr photos to him, as well as my Mom & Dad. I can only presume they've looked at them. That's what they were there for.

I've had an online presence for the 16 years. Can you pull yourself back? Go back 'under', so to speak. I don't think it'd be an easy thing to do. I laugh at what the internet remembers so times. Ghosts of former lives.

I find it mind-boggling that companies might tap into a persons online presence to research a perspective employee; or even a current employee.

In the same way that aptitude tests may not always be accurate predictors or good employees. A persons online activities shouldn't be used as such either.

The internet is very liberating. I've discussed that topic before, so I won't rehash it all here. Pulling back from such liberation isn't easy. And is it even advised?

What if someone was to hold your religion against you? Sexual preference? Organizations you kept companies with? Co-workers treated you differently. Those things might be easily found out while you are working with someone. But for that to be used against you because someone looked you up online and found out what you do from Friday 5pm til Monday morning 8am...

The internet has opened the world to easy accessibility to everything anyone would want to know about you.

...DON'T BOTHER KNOCKIN'

2008-11-17T19:44:00.000-08:00

I've been called aloof. Some might say I'm stand-offish. I wouldn't completely deny either. I don't think I'm rude. I just don't handle unknown social situations well. I've overcome a lot of shyness in my time. I still don't talk to just any ol' random person on the street. I don't strike up conversations with people I sit next to on planes. It takes practice. I plan ahead. Off the cuff isn't not my forte. So it's rare that I'll answer the door if it's not someone I know. I don't care to verbally give door-to-door salesmen the brush off.

Yet... for some reason...

It was cold the other day. Brisk. Not weather that most fair weather joggers would be out in. Thus the name... Since Daylight Saving Time it's rarely been super sunny and bright so there is no point in opening the shades to let the dull gray day in.

I'm playing on the computer, when I hear a knock at the door. I answer it. For the sake of conversation, this will be known as Mistake #1. (See above for the reasons why.) The young man standing on the other side of the door was a fidgety young thing who was there with a purpose. He extended his hand and I offered mine in return. He shook it vigorously.

I forgot the young man's name, but let's call him Colin. Colin was working on his fear of public speaking, or so he claimed. In order to do this he was collecting signatures and earning points. How you ask? Well, let's allow Colin to explain.

Colin thrust a laminated explanation of why he was there. I didn't really read the fine print. The only things that stood out on the plastic encased flyer was "20,000" and "Europe". It's at this point that my eyes glaze over. He's selling something...

Colin needs to earn enough points to win a trip to Europe. "How?" I asked. I didn't do so on purpose... He asked me to. I obliged. By buying one his magazines, Colin could earn enough points to go to Europe. "Where do you want to go in Europe?" Again he asked me to ask... "London. Wanna know why?" Not really Colin, but I get the feeling you're going to tell me anyway. "Because they speak English there."

Ba da bing...

He asked if I was a serial killer and if he could step in. He claimed that he wasn't, because he had all his teeth. [beat] And then he showed me his teeth... [beat] Like, pulled the corner of his mouth to one side to show me his molars. I declined to invite him in and he took a seat on my patio.

He handed me a brochure of magazines that he was offering. If my eyes weren't already glazed over... It's at this point then I'm trying to think how to get rid of him without just handing him back his brochure and walking back inside. How was I to know that his tooth-full mouth wouldn't just keep knocking?

He pulled out a scrap of paper and a pen and begin to quiz me. What's my favorite color? Green. Name two hobbies I enjoy. I was supposed to keep them legal and out of the bedroom. Apparently my neighbors are a little freaky-deaky, according to Colin. Bets are he has already spoken with my downstairs neighbor.

Colin offered to send me a postcard from Europe!! "I could send you a postcard of 5 girls in green bikinis." I half expected him to claim the postcard would read "Wish You Were Her." But let's go back to the bikinis... Historically, Londonese women aren't seen as the beach-going bikini clad bombshells that Colin expects to find on a postcard. Not to mention... such bangers and mash beauty's bikini ways are lost on me. As I pointed out to Colin. "Not really my type." That's when he noticed the rainbow stickers in my window. Without missing a beat, he offered an alternative. "I could send you a postcard of 5 GUYS in green bikinis." He's persistent. I'll give him that.

I told him that I really didn't see any magazines that I'd be interested in. He asked if I liked kids. I almost tossed myself under the bus by saying that Mark teaches. But I wanted to get RID of him. Not encourage him to keep talking. While I personally don't mind them, in the interest of getting him to go away I told him I didn't. Colin asked, "You don't bake them in the over do you?" What?! Is he trying to make a sale or pin me down on some criminal charge?

Finally came the moment of truth. I told him that in these hard financial times I really didn't have the disposable income for such things as magazines. He seemed defeated, but I'm sure it wasn't the first time that he'd heard that today. Nor will it be the last.

This just reinforces why I tend to keep to myself around people I don't know. People are weird!

LET FREEDOM RING

2008-11-11T11:41:00.000-08:00

Mike: Is this one of those "no mail" holidays?
Cris: you know... some one mentioned something about that. i dunno what holiday it is tho.
Cris: columbus day maybe?
Mike: It's Veterans' Day.
Cris: Eep...
Cris: sorry, Vets...
Mike: This is where I call you a commie.
Cris: lol
Cris: thanks for writing a blog post for me. :P

CAN ANYBODY FIND ME SOMEBODY TO LOVE

2008-11-11T06:18:00.000-08:00

Olbermann: Gay marriage is a question of love
Everyone deserves the same chance at permanence and happiness

TRUE COLORS SHINING THROUGH

2008-11-10T14:06:00.000-08:00

I didn't bust out my tale of telling people I was gay, like I have on past National Coming Out Day's. I figured I'd rehashed it enough and that it wasn't important to do so again. I feel like I should have now. It's a very 'butterfly effect' feeling. Simple little things that we do now can have lasting effects on people we don't even realize we've reached. Maybe reading it someone else might have got something from it.

One splash from a little pebble may not make much difference in the pond, but a lot of little pebbles will make quite a commotion. This is me picking up a handful of pebbles.

This whole Proposition 8 thing has been hitting me in slow motion. I'm not trying to jump on the emotional bandwagon about the ban on gay marriage in California. I won't lie and say it affects me as much as it does some others. It affects friends that I know more than me. But one day that could be Mark and I just wanting to be acknowledged as legally married. So it is something that concerns me.

Thousands in L.A. protest gay-marriage ban

Maybe I was fortunate to have been as secluded in small town life as I was growing up. The only openly gay person that I can think of was a young man who wore fishnets and make-up and seemingly took pleasure standing out from the small town crowd. He was ridiculed, but I think part of it was the fact that he was very flamboyant. And this was the early 90s. We didn't have Project Runway's Christian Soriano, yet, to explain hot tranny mess. By being secluded I wasn't exposed to all the various kinds of hate and discrimination that exist. By living in a bubble, it wasn't until I was older and more mentally ready to deal, that I might have come across such things.

I'm fortunate. I've never been called names for being gay. I've never experienced discrimination first hand based on my sexual orientation. I'm fortunate to have friends that don't judge me. That don't shun me. I have a Grandmother who doesn't fully understand, but loves me the same, but doesn't want to see me with hardships that I can't handle.

The last couple of jobs that I've had I've not hidden my sexuality. I don't start my first day by waving a rainbow flag. Yet when the subject comes up I don't shy away from it either. I have a rainbow sticker on my car. I public display affection. I'm not shy about discussing my life in most situations.

Rights groups challenge new gay-marriage ban

It boggles my mind that there are people who voted that two people, who love each other, can't marry because they are both the same gender. The rally cry is hard to hear clear out here in Nebraska, but it IS heard.

CH- CH- CH- CHANGES

2008-11-05T07:55:00.000-08:00

I would be remiss in my duties as an American and a blogger if I didn't at least briefly touch on the Presidential election.

This is the first time in a LONG time that the person I voted for actually won. I live in a state that typically leans red for elections. That isn't to say we don't have our moments. Yet, it can feel rather fruitless to cast a vote and know that in the end you are almost always going to be out voted. That's my perception, at least...

Tuesday was a mix of feelings. I'd moved since the last Presidential elections. I had not registered to vote since then. So I was still registered at my old polling place. I knew they'd ask for some sort of identification of where I lived. My driver's license wouldn't cut it. It was updated. The more I thought about it, I wouldn't even be able to fake it. I couldn't even remember my address at all. I knew it started with a one. Should I even bother trying to vote?

I googled my previous polling place and showed up there. I was on their list, but couldn't prove I lived where they said I lived. I did manage to recall my address with the help of... looking at my name on their form. Way to cover up the answers, Smart Guy. But Alas, no... They made quick work of me telling me where to go, form in hand. I showed up to my ACTUAL polling place and was greeted by a friendly table of women who had clearly too much enthusiasm. GO TEAM VOTE!

I had to complete a voter registration form as well as my ballot. It was on paper. Really? We haven't learned that we need the fancy compu-boxes that tally everything?

Forms filled out. Ballot filled out. I just voted! Look at me, kids! I'm a voter!

As corny as it sounds I really felt good about that fact that I'd voted. Even if my candidate wasn't going to win, I knew that I'd done my part to try and help. I went through a drive thru to get dinner and the young girl at the pay window had a I Voted Today sticker on. That made me smile. She had to be barely legal to vote and I found it cool that even she voted.

One I got home I was surprised at home much election coverage I was watching. I even told Mark that I'd probably just have it on in the background as I played WoW or something. But TV was beating WoW at the moment. I was watching the crawl across the bottom with results. I was watching the various news anchors and political talking heads ramble on about demographics and turn-out and percentages.

By this point it was looking like Obama had an early lead. I was excited. Mark and I were calling each other back and forth about how he hoped that if his state didn't go blue that at least his county would. I didn't even consider that an option for me. After a while I realize that I didn't even need to get updates. Between people on WoW talking about result and getting all kinda of IMs and texts about the evening, I had my very own political ticker coming to me.

I'd be lying to say that race didn't play some part in this election. Not maybe in the overall decision, but at least in the coverage. He's not white. We get it. Thank you news sources for pointing out the obvious every 10 minutes during your election coverage.

It was a historical night. But not because Obama is the first African-American President. Because ANY election is historical. We just added another name to the books, posters, encyclopedias, wikis, that says Barack Obama is the 44th U.S. President. THAT'S history. We had a candidate with the potential to be elected the oldest President. Sure, we had a woman who was a real contender for President and another who was a contender for Vice President. That is not to be over looked either. Yet when our children hear about this night... are they really gonna care about all the things that we find 'monumental'? Probably not. Because hopefully to them it won't be a big deal. They'll be used to the ideas by then.

The results were coming in. Iowa went blue and Mark was happy, tho his county went red. On the flip side... Nebraska went red. No big surprise, but my county went blue. What? Blue? For real... Now keep in mind that I typically feel like my vote isn't worth much because Nebraska goes red every election. Blue? That's a big deal for me on a personal level, because it renewed my faith in the power of a vote. The two counties containing our big cities in Nebraska both went blue.

I had a part in that. I helped history. I voted.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS

2008-11-03T17:00:00.000-08:00

I've noticed an interesting social aspect. I suppose it's always existed and I'm just now seeing it in all it's glory.

When you get any group of people together there is always going to be an odd man out. One or two at least. Someone is always going to be outside the normal. Even if the 'norm' is the craziest situation and the person on the outs is the sane one. Ostricization still occurs.

We can talk about how sad it is that anyone has to be singled out for being different or for being unusual. But really... it wouldn't change anything. There are some situations where I'm not sure a correction would even benefit anyone or anything.

When you've got a group of people and someone is on the outside, it's human nature to single them out. As much as we try to be 'good people', if it's someone we don't like, whatever the reason... We may not want to congregate with them. So then eventually the people on the outside disappear, for whatever reason. Then what? Then we start picking each other apart.

Let's use one of my favorite shows, Survivor, as an illustration. The typical rule of thumb is that the bitchy/annoying are voted out first. When you've got a group of a dozen or so people... someone is going to be quickly pegged as the one that the others don't like. They are most likely the first to be voted off. So tehn the show goes on. Whittling contestants away one by one. Until the core group the like each other will have to turn on each other. It's part of the show. It's part of how you win the game.

As a student of human nature, what is interesting is watching how easily a core group can turn on each other. One wrong step and you're on the outs again. It's strangely, high school.

So back to 'reality'... you get a group of people together. Even if the odd man out was to leave, someone would become the new outside. There is a pecking order and we're fools to think otherwise...

Not that I want anything to change. Not that I even expect anything to change. This is all purely observational. It's also self-serving. Because who knows when an outsider might be kicked out and suddenly I'm the new outsider.

*This is not about me personally. Just something I've noticed.

LONG TIME GONE

2008-11-03T16:58:00.000-08:00

Hey Blog... I know I've been neglectful. I'm really sorry about that. It's not on purpose. Well, it sorta has been, but not really. I could use my free time to tell you about my day, but really what I feel like doing is not writing. Well, now, even that isn't entirely true. I enjoy writing. I just haven't had the focus to sit down and write. It's been much easier to just shoot a quick message here and there about what's been going on.

So what HAS been going on? Well... I have been working as usual. Nothing to out of the ordinary there. I applied for a state department job with social services, but it appears I got he brush off. No one ever called for a second interview and no called to say that I was rejected for the job. Even after I contacted them, they still puffed around it. C'est la vie.

Mark and I hit our two year anniversary. Things have been going just swimmingly between us. My only complaint is that I can't get enough of him. I look forward to being able to come home from work to him, and vice versa. He recently opened his high school play he was directing. It was actually just this last weekend. It was good. It's sweet how he warns me not to have my expectations to high for a high school production. That's never an issue. I can enjoy a high school production as much as a local production as much as a full-on touring theater production.

Money has been tight. Like seriously tight... We're not taken in many movies. The ones we have seen have been rentals which is fine. When you figure the cost of two tickets (even during cheaper hours) and concessions, it's pricey. It means more time snuggling up on the couch. It also means that we aren't taking our favorite place for granted. Carrabba's is a treat to go to now. Not a weekly occurrence anymore. Which means that I get to cook more. Which is fine with me.

I tried working out for a little while. I was jogging outside while the weather was nice. I tried using the various workout contraptions. That didn't last long. It's more fun with someone else.

Politics... what to say. I'm tired of it. And I'm really not even in the thick of it. I steer clear of debates. I'd rather read the synopsis later. I don't care for hour long commercials for even a candidate that I like. I'm tired of political ads, both national and local.

That's kind of been the last few months in a nut shell. I promise to be better about touching base with you. For realz, yo!

CAN YOU HEAR THEM... TALKIN' 'BOUT US

2008-10-14T11:28:00.000-07:00

While the subject matter is certainly solemn the scene itself is funny. Jackie was probably my favorite character on the show. Anyone that had a hard of hearing relative can relate.

My Grandfather refuses to wear his hearing aides. I must admit I've done this sort of thing with him.

WE CAN WORK IT OUT

2008-10-14T11:25:00.000-07:00

Mark brough up an interesting topic that I really never gave a whole lot of thought. He asked if I ever felt bad when I left a job. Guilty for leaving? Sad to leave friends behind?

As I looked back at my jobs I can't say that I really have felt like that. When I was still in college working at McDonald's I didn't really feel bad leaving that job. Sure, I had friends that were still working there. I even still had friends that lived in my home town when I moved. But I knew people here in Omaha. I wasn't that far away from Nebraska City. I could still visit them easily enough.

My first job at Boys Town I was ready to leave. I was burnt out. I didn't like the couple that I was working with. It was a much needed change when I left. My next job at the Crisis Hotline I was "divorced from the company". I definitely missed people there. One person in particular. She is still a good friend. So I feel really good about how it turned out now that I know our friendship has endured. But this situation wasn't a 'by choice' leaving.

When I was working on the research grant we all knew our time was limited. So leaving there was an interesting relief. Time was running out on the grant so finding a job was important.

I don't really take a lot away from each job in terms of friends. Mainly because it's few and far between that I have worked with people that I'd be friends with outside of work. That may sound bad, but I don't mean it as such. I keep in contact with former coworkers from time to time, but there are only a couple people that really have lasted over the years.

ROCK LOBSTER

2008-10-14T11:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes... some things just don't need a set up.

Are Those Lobsters In Your Pants...

GROOVE IS IN THE HEART

2008-10-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

Because some days you can't hide from the beat.

...JUST FOR ONE DAY

2008-09-30T07:26:00.000-07:00

A couple of quick Heroes questions and quandaries.

If Peter can take on other heroes powers as his own, wouldn't he take on take on the powers of his future self. Including the powers of people Present Peter hasn't come in contact with yet?

Along the same lines... Do you think they will include the powers of the escapes into Peter's abilities? Even tho there was no real specific mention of it.

I am fascinated by the storyline with Tracy Strauss. Any ideas what people think she may be? A clone? Another personality?

THEY SAY I'M HOPELESS, LIKE A PENNY WITH A HOLE IN IT

2008-09-25T06:52:00.000-07:00

Project Runway has been rather difficult to watch the past couple of weeks because of a young girl named Kenley. WAIT!! Don't run off... this isn't a reality show review. I just use her to illustrate a point.

Kenley is going thru a variation of Willy Loman Syndrome. Going through life and career and not realizing what he's doing is no longer what's best or even what's needed. A sad sense of delusion about his own abilities. But this isn't a literary review either. It's more introspective than that.

People like Kenley and characters like Willy Loman are hard for me to endure. They represent one of my biggest fears. That feeling of truly believing that you are better than what you are. That you don't need criticism from anyone else. That's not to say you can't be confident. But to be so delusional that you can't take an opinion from someone else because you're right and they obviously must be wrong. Critics of your ability don't know what they're talking about. That's tragic. That's sad.

With reality television we see a lot more of this. People that think they are better singers than they are. People that can't take a word of opinion from anyone else because how would someone else know what's right for them.

Sure, go out there and be confident. Stand behind the blood, sweat, and tears that you put into your work. But be reasonable. Don't be so egotistical to think that you don't need input and advice from others.

It really is a fear of mine. It's what keeps my ego in check. Never letting it get the best of me. I don't want to be so cool or popular or wise and be so swept up in myself. Only to have a light bulb moment and realize "Wow... I'm not all that."

To me that is one of the worst feelings in the world. The moment when you realize you were wrong all that time.

This isn't a fear of failure. Go out there and fail with the best of them. It's the delusion of thinking when you fail that everyone else must be wrong. Because, obviously you CAN'T be wrong.

What is worse is never having that realization and everyone still looks at you with pity; as pathetic. But I suppose if you're that delusional then you'll never know it to begin with.

It makes me cringe...

THE WEEKEND

2008-09-23T17:06:00.000-07:00

The weekends are important to me. Since Mark and I don't live together yet, this is the time that we spend together. Even on the weekends that I work, Mark is there. On working weekends it's rare that I'm up to doing much more than dinner and crash on the couch with him. So when I have a weekend off I like to enjoy it as much as I can. This was one weekend where there was a lot going on and I didn't feel rushed or like I couldn't' have a minute to really enjoy it with Mark.

It would be known as the weekend of waiting in traffic.

Friday night was the local production of Into The Woods at the Bellevue Little Theater. One of Mark's friends played Lucinda, Cinderella's wicked step-sister. It's definitely a comic role and she was never on stage enough for me. We both think she could've played The Witch. Not that the actress who played The Witch was bad. But Mark's friend definitely would've brought more of a personality to the role. In such a big cast of characters we each had our picks for hits and misses.

I didn't get home from work til 630pm. The show started at 8pm. This didn't leave any time to have dinner. About half-way thru the first act my stomach started growling. Loud! The sound of it was only eclipsed by the noisy children behind us. Granted, parents can obviously bring kids. Even though it's based on fairy tales and their characters, I don't think Into The Woods is meant as a kids show. It has it's adult moments that aren't suitable for 4 year olds who can't resist constantly kicking the back of my seat. By the time we got out of the show it was 1115pm. As we made out way home we ran into construction. Five lanes of interstate traffic reduced down to one lane... It was 'fun'. We were in a hurry only because we were hungry. By the time we got home with drive-thru food it was midnight. After food and a couple Ti-fauxed shows we were fast asleep.

Saturday was going to be another big day. After a morning assault on McDonald's to pillage every form of sausage they had, we headed out to Nebraska City. It was Applejack weekend, a local holiday in my hometown. There are a ton of crafty type activities going on. Nebraska City was always known for outlet shopping. To put that on top of a couple hundred craft fair tents set up at various spots in town, it'd be busy!

The drive to get out of Omaha had it's delays. Two places had traffic reduced to one lane. What normally would be a one hour drive was a two hour tour. But surprisingly enough neither of us were really in a hurry. We had the windows rolled down and just enjoyed the ride. I've driven that road a few hundred times, but it's interesting to see it when you've got time to stop and look at the scenery on the roadside. Plus to see it through Mark's eyes was fun.

We arrived in NCity just in time to find a parking spot opening up close to the parade route. The parade was slated to last from 1-3pm. Two hours for a small town parade? Seriously? Like every parade in history of NCity, they started off with fire engines, ambulances, and other various rescue vehicles. Every. Single. One... not just the entire hometown arsenal, but a few vehicles from other communities that were nearby. Even after 34 years I don't understand the need to have them in the parade. And even if they are... why have their sirens blaring? Who enjoys that? There was a kid in front of where Mark and I were standing that was screaming bloody murder with the passing of each screeching rescue vehicle. Mom eventually packed up her kid and left. She had to be from out of town. Poor kiddo...

After an hour of high school bands, marching veterans, and political candidates Mark and I made our way to the side streets in search of a cold beverage and some air conditioning. There was a couple shops that I wanted to expose Mark too. They always stuck out from my childhood as being somewhat freaky places. Small homes that had been converted to shops full of knick knacks and curious goods. There is always a room with dolls of some kind, which you know I 'love'. The shops were full of middle-aged to elderly women and 'family'.

Oh... And things like THIS!!!

I was a bit disappointed in the visit to the orchard/Arbor Lodge. I knew there'd be a ton of people. I knew the traffic would be hellacious. In addition to the downtown shops this was the main attraction of the town. Why not have more set up there? As it was, there were only a few vendors with their home crafted items. The Morton Orchard was charging folks to get in to their various Tree-themed tours. Are you kidding me? I mean, I'm not really surprised on the desire to make a buck or two, but really... they aren't making a shit-ton on the sale of apples and every apple related food known to man?

Mark and I braved the melee to actually go INSIDE the main orchard building. This will be known as Mistake #1 for further conversations. We talked about getting some apples, but did we need to go inside to do so? Probably not. We ventured deeper in that just the few couple of tables that held bags of apples. Why? I don't know... About ten minutes in a sudden dislike for crowds in small places kicked in and we needed to move back outside. As we made our way back outside a local mother prodding her two kids summed up our feelings nicely. "This is insane. What are we doing here? We're FROM here. We can come back when there isn't a million people wandering around."

While I might be inclined to question her population estimation, I fully agreed with her sentiment.

Mark and I took in the historic ground of the Arbor Lodge before declaring our tiredness and heading back home.

What we decided from the day is that we need to come back when there isn't as many people. It's kind of like Mardi Gras. You can experience the same things when it's not a holiday time. You don't have to deal with the crowds and you still get to see all the 'sights'.

Until next year...

I'M SUPER. THANKS FOR ASKING!

2008-09-23T16:59:00.000-07:00

It's a big day of big gay headlines.

This one kind of made me a little depressed... Tho we've got a long way to go before Mark and I are geriatric. Invisible And Overlooked

GLAAD pleased that networks are making shows more representative. TV showing more gay characters, study says

While I'm all about people coming out in their own time, can we just get at least one "FINALLY!" from the crowd and then move on? Thanks. Clay is gay: Aiken comes out of the closet

BOYFRIEND MEME

2008-09-19T05:13:00.001-07:00

This was a different one so I thought I'd give it a whirl and see how much trouble I get in when I get something wrong.

1. Sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?

Some reality show, the showtunes music choice channel, or the local weather now channel.

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?

It depends on the kind of salad.

3. What's one food he doesn't like?

Seafood.

4. You go out to the bar. What does he order?

Vodka Stinger. Does anyone still wear a hat?

5. Where did he go to high school?

His home town school.

6. What size shoe does he wear?

11-11 1/2

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?

Rare non-english showtune cast recordings or Playbills.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?

Haven't noticed a preference on sandwiches.

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?

Hrm... We both like food. This is hard to pick just one thing.

10. What is his favorite cereal?

Cinnamon Life

11. What would he never wear?

I Love George W. Bush t-shirt.

12. What is his favorite sports team?

The sports team that his Dad watched when he commandeered the TV.

13. Who will he vote for?

He might just write someone's name in.

14. Who is his best friend?

His brother.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?

Whistle in his ear while on the phone with him.

16. How many states has he lived in?

2

17. What is his heritage?

Danish

18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?

Jello cake

19. Did s/he play sports in high school?

No

20. What could he spend hours doing?

Reading

YAAAR!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2008-09-19T05:13:00.000-07:00

Everyone needs to wish my best friend Mike a very Happy Birthday!! Remind him how old he is. He forgets sometimes... :P

It's also Talk Like A Pirate Day! So it's time to break out Ye Ol' Pirate Joke.

A pirate walking into a bar with a steering wheel attached to the front of his pants. The bartender looks up and asks the Pirate, "Do you know you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch?" The Pirate says, "Yaaarrr... It's drivin' me nuts!"

Thank you! *bows* Thank you! *bows*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2008-09-08T17:56:00.000-07:00

Some people care about their age. Gray hair be damned. Balding? Feh! Some people don't care to make a big deal of things when it's their birthday. Some people are very princessy, making sure they have a huge celebration. My perfect birthday doesn't involve presents. It doesn't involve crowns or huge cakes with beefy men hiding inside. It involves spending time with people I care about. It involves being remember by my friends and family. It's a day for a 'big deal', but it doesn't have to be an over-the-top diva convention. It's your birthday. Live it up! Tell people how old you are. Smile big when someone says Happy Birthday to you. There is a difference between acting like it's a big deal and demanding it.

By the way, I'm 34...

NAME

2008-08-31T16:43:00.000-07:00

In less than a month Mark and I will be celebrating our two year anniversary. It's a big deal for me because it's the first long term relationship where I've been excited about the marking of a milestone. When I stop and think about it, all I can really say is "Wow! Two years." I'm not sure why such things astonish me. It's not like we're incapable of sustaining a relationship. Two years would prove otherwise. It's exciting! We are both stubborn and strong willed. But we are both easy-going enough that we're not getting worked up over little things. It's a good match.

Over these two years I've typically referred to Mark as my boyfriend. Some people have referenced him as my partner or husband. Lover. Husbear. Better half. Sexual Life Partner... regardless of what we call each other we know how we feel about each other. YET... the question remains, what do I call him? It's more than a 'label' thing. It's a title. It's a definition of the reality of the situation. I'm not pushing labels or saying that everyone must use the same designation.

For me... Partner seems too business-like. Lover seems too short-term relationship. Boyfriend seems to un-serious for being together for two years.

The same questions come up when I think about what to call a relationship. We're not married. We're more than dating. Seeing each other? LTR? "This is Mark. He's my Sexual Life Partner. We're in a long term Multi-Locale Co-habitive relationship." Obviously I wouldn't use a title to introduce him every time. Tho when someone asks it's nice to have an answer.

More and more gay couples are getting married. Some are very proud of the title of husband or wife. There is an obvious way to introduce each other, but what about the rest of us? What have you heard couple use? What do you use?

GOIN' TO THE CHAPEL

2008-08-31T16:38:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why this is 'news'?

California prisons prepare for gay weddings
"Guidelines so far wouldn't allow the marriage of fellow prisoners"

TRINKT LE CHAIM

2008-08-25T16:43:00.000-07:00

It seems like it's been a while since Mark and I had a full weekend together. In fact, it 'had' been. I worked last weekend. Mark worked part of the weekend before. I worked the weekend before that. Beyond that I can't recall specifically... So it's been a while.

Mark and I both worked Friday, which gave us Friday evening to enjoy. We rented a couple movies; the Golden Compass and Prom Night. I'd missed Golden Compass when it was in the theaters and Prom Night might as well have gone straight to DVD for no longer than it was on the big screen.

We watched Prom Night first...

Oh my God...

I'm more open to watching horror/slasher pics than I used to be. Yet, this was a bad movie. This is a bad movie even if you claim it's a B-Movie. For a scary movie, there was no blood or gore. You don't even see anyone get stabbed. All the violence is implied. It was a 'nice' change of pace from what I might have been watching in a normal scary movie.

But as a movie it sucked... It wasn't scary. It wasn't horrifying. There was no redemption factor against the villain. When it ended Mark and I both tossed up our hands and questioned the point of the entire movie. We thanked our lucky stars we didn't pay more money to see this on the big screen. We definitely did not have enough to drink to enjoy this movie.

Saturday we went to the early show to catch House Bunny. This is the latest Anna Faris movie. We both enjoy her and find her brand of brainlessness entertaining. Even tho I don't think she has much range for anything other than a lovable dimwit, I'd still go see her movies. While I enjoyed this movie, I can't say that it was really anything special. The bad guys needed more comeuppance. The beginning was a little slow and I tried to resist looking at the time.

The funny parts WERE funny. I did laugh. Mark and I laughed at a couple scenes that no one else laughed at in the whole theater. Which makes me think the 11am crowd really wasn't mentally prepared for such an outing. Or perhaps this wasn't their type of film.

I'm glad we saw it, but You can probably wait til it's out on video. At least we didn't pay full price. My large soda cost more than the movie.

That afternoon we watched The Golden Compass. I was REALLY looking forward to this movie. Mark had read the book(s) and we both missed out on the movie when it was in theaters.

If you're not aware of the religious implications that some say the movie contains... You won't them here either. I don't intend to talk about those. As a fantasy tale I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. The characters were believable. For a child being the main actress in this movie she was wholly believable as an actor who could have a long career. I bought her sincerity and emotion.

Daniel Craig seemed to be billed a big player in the movie, but was barely in it. Nicole Kidman on the other hand was downright frightful. She played the cold calculating type VERY well. The incorporation of CG animals into this film was really well done. It was fun to play Guess Who with the various animal companions.

The only thing I didn't like about the movie was the ending. If you've seen this movie you understand what I mean. I won't spoil it here, but it was some serious bullshit. Mark assures me that's not how the book ends.

Finally, we gayed it up with Thoroughly Modern Millie. I'd never seen the movie before. Really, my only exposure to this was through my friends.

[tangent]
For a couple years my local group of friends would get together every Thursday to either play games, watch a movie, or catch Must See TV. Several of the gang had 'trigger phrases' that would start someone off on a song or phrase of some kind. There was some phrase that would start a few people singing Trinkt Le Chaim. A song I'd never heard and had no idea what it was even from. More specifically they'd sing one part of this song. (3:29 in to the video)

[/tangent]

It was a crazy ass movie... Seriously... It was fun and there were some fun songs in it. But overall the first half of the movie didn't make a lick of sense to me. And I told Mark as much. The whole show really came together as a cohesive piece in the second half. Am I glad I watched it? Yes... if for no other reason than to figure out what the hell my friends had been singing about for YEARS!

WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT

2008-08-25T16:39:00.000-07:00

"Culinary Point-of-View" - I admit I watch a lot of 'reality television' and food related television. These two genres combined have formed a phrase I have grown to hate.

"...-licious" - Blayne needs to shut up.

OH SAY CAN YOU SEE

2008-08-17T16:58:00.000-07:00

The Olympics have come and gone. At least as far as I am concerned. The opening ceremony was a feat of such magnitude that I don't envy London having to top Beijing. It was simply something that I don't think can be repeated.

Michael Phelps has won is 8-of-8 medals. He has broken record after record. We've watched his ego remain in check. We've watched his mother cheer from the stands. We've heard the Star Spangled Banner so many times in the past that it's my current ear worm. Which is fine because it's pushed out Oklahoma University Fight Song. (Long story...)

But now with the Olympics just a little over half finished, what else is there to watch? Swimming and Gymnastics were what I was seeing on every evenings. Beach Volleyball was on everyday. Tennis has it's champions. This isn't a matter of being a hater. The Olympics has something for everyone. Yet, it's all about ratings as far as prime time TV goes. If you're interested the Trampoline Women's Finals are Monday night. That's can't miss TV!

No other star like Michael Phelps has been pushed for these Olympics. Not to say there aren't other stories out there. But Phelps has grabbed the headlines for these games for the past week. What athletic star has NBC groomed to take center stage for the remained of the games? Are they hoping people will continue to watch? Are they going to show Michael Phelps eating his way through a 10,000 calorie day to fill time? I guess only time will tell. I'm just hoping they don't fill time by showing Matt Lauer and Bob Costas arguing about hair styles. Bob wants Matt to color his fake plastic hair. Matt wants to just shave in short. Oh the drama...

AUGUST AND EVERYTHING AFTER

2008-08-17T16:51:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned it before, but for the sake of conversation I'll say it again. August is my SAD month. If I'm going to be 'seasonally affective' it's going to be in August. I was explaining to Mark last night that the period between July 4th and my birthday in September usually leaves me feeling rather 'meh'... There are no holidays. People are going back to school as summer wraps up. Everything appears to have a "the party has come to a close" feel to it.

This summer has had me spoiled. Mark and I had a chance to spend a lot more time together. Now that school is starting back up, his time will be full again. It really hit me this last weekend. It was about the time when I was heading to work on Friday morning that I started thinking about it.

You get used to a way of life. You get used to seeing someone. You miss them when they're not around. I'm looking forward to when I do'nt have to go to work and come home to an empty home. Part of all this is just me feeling sorry for myself and that we don't live in the same city. Part of it goes back to that August 'sad'-ness.

It'll pass...

LET'S GET PHYSICAL

2008-08-14T06:02:00.001-07:00

So I'm starting my workout regimen today.

It kinda makes me feel weird because I'm hardly a gym rat. Never have been. It's not a mid-life crisis thing. It's not a "I must be healthier" thing. The main the reason is just to do it, you know? I used to be able to run quite a ways (including stairs) and not be winded. I'd like that back, or a reasonable amount of that back. I'd also like to loss a little here, gain a little there.

For now it'll just be a work out I'm doing on my days off. So that'll get me 3-4 days a week. Which for now is fine with me. I'll keep you posted how it goes. Hell I might even start a Flickr set for it.

WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE

2008-08-09T06:24:00.000-07:00

When it comes to the service industry I'm pretty forgiving of most issues. I've "been there, done that" and I know shit happens that is out of the employee's control. Overly busy day. Short handed. Equipment malfunction. Things just happen. I'm finding that as I get older that tolerance wanes.

A couple examples from the last week.

The Express Lane at HyVee usually lives up to it's name. One lane. Two registers. It usually goes by quickly. The other night both registers were helping elderly gentlemen. One on a motorized scooter the other with a cane. So clearly... they aren't going to be moving too speedily. The lady in front of me had three items in her hands, not a basket or cart. None of them looking especially heavy. She is audibly sighing and tossing her head around. Rolling her eyes. Tapping her foot. Just being generally impatient. Apparently her rule is that you shouldn't use anything but cards in express lanes. So these guys using exact cash were going to make her have a coronary. When the second of the two registers opened up first the Check-out Girl beckoned for the next person in line. She was looking at me. While Miss Impatient would most likely take the first register instead of having to lug her three items of irradiated deep heavy water three feet to the open register I offered her the option.

"That's ok. She can go first. She clearly has more important places to be and can't bear standing in line any longer."

She just looked at me and rolled her eyes. A sight I was used to by now.

Last night I ordered a pizza from a hut shaped establishment. You know the one... When I called the first time the man who answered the phone was completely not understandable. I barely was able to figure out that he wanted to know my phone number and address. And technically we didn't even get that far. I had to repeatedly ask what he was saying for clarification. He finally hung up on me. Frustrated, I'm debating if I even want to 'risk' having to try and talk with him again just for a pizza. My hunger wins. I call back and get a very helpful and easy to understand young woman. She took my order and said it'd be about 25 minutes. I thanked her and hung up. This was at 9:45pm. An hour goes by and no pizza. Ok... it is a Friday night, they might be busy. 11:15pm... For real? 11:30 I call them to find out WTF? The lady who answered said that there was no answer when the delivery guy showed up. ?!?! I had been home the entire evening. They always ask for a phone number for just these reasons. No time of when he was supposedly there. And technically they never did ask my address (even tho she confirmed by name by their record of my phone number) so who knows where the guy showed up to. But really.. C'mon. Is one order such a small drop in the bucket that they don't even bother to check and make sure they've got the right place or why someone might not answer at the door?

Taco John's was a poor substitute for pizza when that's what you're craving.

[/end old man rant]

FLUSHED DOWN THE PIPES

2008-08-06T18:13:00.000-07:00

Mark and I went to a classy little show in a quaint little theater. The Belleview Little Theaters production of The Great American Trailer Park Musical. It was kind of awesome. Imagine Desperate Housewives if it took place in... as the name implies... a trailer park.

This is not a family show. Which really didn't matter because I rarely see kids at these type of things anyway. Mark's friend had a feature role as Lin (short for Linoleum... becauase she was born on the kitchen floor). Lin has an obsession with keeping on the lights on in the trailer park. Because as long as she does the state penn can't fire up Old Smoky and fry Lin's husband. Good times...

The main story revolves about Jeannie and her husband Norbert. Jeannie hasn't left her trailer in 20 years since the kidnapping of her son. Pippi, a stripper on the run form her ex, moves in next door. The shit hits the fan when NAME HERE starts up an affair with Pippi. As Jeannie is trying to overcome her agoraphobia to leave the trailer in time for their anniversary only to be set back at the revelation of her husband's affair.

There are a TON of hilarious songs and this is just one of them. The girl we went to see is in pink with the bow in her hair. Overall it is a GREAT show. And how can you not love a show that has songs like this?

NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY. WORDS CAN'T BRING YOU DOWN.

2008-07-21T05:56:00.000-07:00

Stories like this make me think. I get torn. Which, I suppose a good article should do. If you're not familiar with the story... I'll give you the short version of the 5-page article. Larry King, 15 years old, was shot twice in the head at school by a classmate, Brandon McInerney, 14 years old.

Larry was a flamboyant, cross-dressing, young man. Make-up. Glitter. High heels. He worked it all. With a troubled past involving a drug-using mother and not-in-the-picture father, Larry was adopted by supportive parents. Larry had been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder and given ADHD medication.

Brandon's past wasn't much brighter. His parents split after Brandon's father shot his mother in the arm and then his father claimed the mother turned the home into a drug house. Once Brandon's mother entered rehab, Brandon went to live with his father.

Larry was a disruptive student. If not in appearance, then in behavior. Students had created a Mean Girls-esque "Burn Book" and wrote about how much they hated Larry. Larry openly flirted with Brandon in school. Brandon threatened Larry telling Larry's friends to tell him goodbye because he wasn't coming back. Some teachers were very supportive of Larry's right to express himself. Others were concerned about his dress and behavior. They'd go to the school's administration that one of the Assistant Principals, who was also a lesbian, was possible pushing her own agenda on to Larry. She states Larry had sought her out for guidance.

Larry's adoptive father, Greg is upset that gay-rights groups are making Larry the new Matthew Sheppard. He is not wholly convinced that Larry was gay. Greg is more concerned about the ability of a student to get a gun into the school. Where are the resources to help either of these troubled students, he questions.

So my questions are many. Be out. Be proud. Be loud? Is that really the best idea? Did Larry bring it upon himself? Like so many others wondering, how did Brandon get a gun and get it into a group home alternative school? How much do you encourage a child to express themselves?

Putting the victim/accused's gender and sexuality aside for a moment... If this had been a girl killed by a boy, would a lot of these question even come up? What kind of things would be said to a boy who was overtly sexual with a girl? These are issues that do come up in schools. Can they be handled like any other social/behavioral issue?

I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU

2008-07-18T17:31:00.000-07:00

Every so often the planets align and there is a convergence. A meeting of the minds. Then we add liquor to those minds and make them play Taboo. That was pretty much how last Saturday went down.

I'd been stressing about this for at least a week, but it was 'bad' that Saturday. Mark can attest that I was kinda freaking out the morning before the party. A quick trip to the grocery store to procure the needed supplies and we were set. My anxiety didn't really settle down til people were showing up and I started cooking.

We had a good turn out. We had TONS of food!! Seriously... Between salads and dips and appetizers and drinkies we were set.

I love the first 30 minutes to an hour of any party. No one wants to be the first to dive into the food. Do you break out the games already? TV usually pulls people in and away from conversation. Music usually pulls them together. What if there is an awkward silence? Then I realize that these are people that we've known for years.

I went to start the grilling and all was well. People were chatting. Enjoying themselves. Then the food starts. One thing I love about potluck parties is seeing whatever everyone brings. Even if they just buy something from the store. It might be something I've never had. We had some very tasty food there.

Rachel Ray always says to not make something over the top your first time out. Along those same lines, a group of party guests is not the time to experiment with a new recipe. I stuck with pretty standard stuff. A red pepper dip I'd made before. Some tortilla wrap-ups (which I'd never made, but kinda hard to screw up. If you can make a sandwich, you can make these). Mark made a Mexican cheesecake which is a standard request for his work functions. He is the cheesecake king!

We broke out the Taboo. Mark and I are competitive people. Not that we HAVE to win, but we are gonna give it our all. It was a great game of couples, with Angie & Rachael making a psuedo couple for the night. It was fun to see how poorly Mark and I started out. I blame the extra strength spiked lemonade. I love Taboo mainly because it's fun to see what 'inside' jokes & clues people use to help them guess a word. With Mark I know I can use references from musicals that I might know (which are few).

It wasn't long after that we broke out Scene It. This time we mixed it up boys vs. girls. I think we were pretty evenly matched. Angie & Mark were pretty evenly matched on some clues. I definitely sensed a rivalry.

Some how the year book from our senior year was found. What we've discovered is that Mark had the uncanny ability to locate the visually impaired students in our class. It's his new superpower. It's mutant in origin, I swear.

I can tell you that it was a late night (or early morning) when every decided to leave for their respectively homes. It was a great night! I can also confirm that I fell asleep on the floor while Mark sat at the computer. Lovingly, Mark did not leave me there. I found may way up several stairs and to the bedroom.

More of the following day was a blur, rather than the night on indulgence before. It's been a looong time since I've had a hangover at all let alone one of that caliber.

So who's hosting the next game night?!

HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING

2008-07-09T17:12:00.000-07:00

Another observation as a student of human nature...

They say you can measure a man's worth by the friend's he has. It seems that we also measure a man's success by the work he does. I'm fascinated by worth and success lately. I feel, for the most part, the jobs I've had have been very worthwhile. I felt that I was successful at most of them. Yet when you look at potentials and possibilities I don't know that I could be said to be successful.

I find it interesting that some people can do a job that makes them happy, and as long as they are happy no one says much about how successful they are. How much money do they bring in? How far up the 'ladder' have they made it? It doesn't matter. They are happy doing what they do.

Does age matter? If you are closer to retirement and puttering around a few jobs that make you happy... as opposed to being fresher out of college and doing the same kind of puttering... Is one more acceptable than the other?

At some point, did being happy in what you do quit mattering?

WISH YOU WERE HERE

2008-07-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

Airports are emotionally charged places for me. A trip to an airport is usually connected with the arrival or departure of someone I care about. Generally, I like airports because I enjoy people watching. But I'm a sappy guy. So taking Mark to the airport was emotional for me. More so than I thought it would be. He is only going away for a week. He's gone before. What I wasn't expecting the number of things that had become commonplace that I was suddenly missing. It's not one of those "Don't know what you've got til it's gone" things, because I know what I have.

I miss the seemingly random things. I miss talking to him while we watch TV. I miss him singing random musical numbers from shows that I probably don't know. I miss our 'tuck-in' calls at night. I miss telling him about my day. I miss the random conversations. I miss the way he smells. I miss encouraging him. I miss him comforting me. I miss giving him hell about vehemently not liking corn, or seafood, or cellphones.

Come home soon, hon.

HAIL HAIL THE GANG'S ALL HERE

2008-06-30T17:18:00.000-07:00

Friday started out simply enough. Mark and I grabbed lunch and decided to head to the zoo. Even tho it felt like a weekend, it was still a weekday. That worked to our advantage. There were not as many people at the zoo at all. Plus the College World Series was over, which meant even less traffic getting in and out of the area.

I've posted some photos on Flickr of our latest zoo adventures. You wouldn't think that a room full of butterflies would be as cool as it was. It was the ride home that was a whole different kind of interesting.

The Summer Arts Festival was going on downtown. There was a concert in one of the main parks scheduled to go on. Fireworks. Shakespeare On The Green. It was a busy weekend for activities in town with plenty of people out and about.

Heading back home you could see the clouds rolling in from the West. I think there was a chance of rain, but I didn't think it was to be til much later in the evening. It had been sunny all day. Very little breeze. This looked bad. VERY dark clouds. You could see the rain falling off in the distance. Even tho it was mid-afternoon, everyone was starting to turn on their headlights.

As I get on the interstate, I flip on my headlights as Mark turns on the local news. We were hoping to hear what was going on. The local station has no more mentioned the tornado sirens going off, than we heard them for ourselves. But it wasn't a tornado, they said. It was winds up to 90mph, but it wasn't a tornado. This was 'impressive'. Sheer force of wind just sweeping across the city. As we were heading on the interstate it started to rain more and more. To the North of us, we could see trees blowing fast. We could see dust blowing around, turning the sky brownish gray. Off in the distance to the West you could actually see the wall of wind and rain coming at you. We at 72nd street (for the locals) and pulled off the Interstate. This was not weather I wanted to be on a busy thoroughfare. I had no more than pulled off the road and It hit.

Pea to nickel-sized hail. Sheets of rain. Leaves and limbs flying around. You couldn't see out the front windshield, you could only see the lights of cars next to me. I technically wasn't even on a street. I was blocking traffic that was exiting off the Interstate. Tho to be fair, no one else was moving at all either. The Jeep shook from the wind. At one point we had out ears covered because the sound of the hail and rain hitting the Jeep was so loud. It was truly deafening. I couldn't have said anything to Mark without having to scream it. We just sat there for what seemed like at least 30 minutes. In actuality it was only five. The rain just didn't seem to end. The bright light blue lightning that we could see in the distance was the fireworks produced by the snapping of electrical lines.

A little 2-door hatchback passed us. It was a storm chaser. So the roads were manageable, presumable. He was getting around. As the rain lightened up, I debated what to do. We wanted to get home and get inside. But it was still a little to rough to drive in. I didn't dare park under a tree. I didn't want to be anywhere near a power lines. It's the middle of town. Where could a person park to wait it out. A Perkins parking lot became the refuge of dozens of people for the next few minutes or so.

Still listening to the radio, we heard the announcers mentioning the people at the concert and the people at the arts festival downtown. Telling them it's sweeping thru quickly and they maybe had a couple minutes to seek shelter.

As we listened to the storm details as it swept thru town, we started back up and headed home again. Intersections were a cluster fuck. With most street lights out, every intersection was a 4-way stop. And in such a state of urgency, people weren't to willing wait in line too long. My idea was to stay off the main roads. I didn't want to deal with the traffic and the people. Mark suggested sticking to the main roads to avoid downed trees and powerlines. Sure enough that's the way we ended up taking. My 'back road' home had a line of cars trying to turn around because of a downed powerline that stretched across the road.

We were in awe of the damage. It wasn't simply a branch down here or there. These were whole trees being uprooted. Large trees toppled over. Some on to streets. Some on to houses. Some on cars. Two people lost their lives from just such a thing.

Store front windows were brown out. One of the taller buildings downtown had at least 20 windows broken in. The damage was impressive. I'd never seen such destruction in persons, done in such a short time. And this wasn't even a tornado. As we were finally getting into the residentials streets, it was hard to drive. Not because of the weather, but because it was hard not to openly stare in awe. Streets lights down. Mail boxes toppled over. Trash cans all over. Construction pylons clearly far away from where there was any constructions.

The apartment complex itself had it's own share of damage. A light pole was down on one side of the street. One of the major trees had lost a chunk of branches. One of which blocked the parking lot that I park in. There was a guy checking the damage to his car from a tree falling on it. Others where out rearranging patio furniture that had tried to escape the confines of their porch.

We each took turns calling our families out of town, to let them know we were ok. In turn, we wanted to tell them of the storm. We both had trouble getting through. I'm sure due to the large number of calls on the network overall. When we finally reached our loved ones, everyone was fine. They barely had any damage at all; barely even any rain at all. It put our minds at ease.

The power was out. From a nearby clocktower we could tell that it had only been out for a half an hour. We sat around hoping the power would come back on soon. I resorted to looking up information online using my phone. Mark entertained himself with the Gameboy. We napped. What else can you do when you really don't have any power and the police are telling you to stay off the streets?

Finally we couldn't take it anymore and needed to get food. We couldn't cook anything without a stove. We took off in search of a restaurant that might still be open. Some blocks had power, but most restaurants were closed. We opted to grill out. Some intersections were completely fucked up. Heading to the grocery store we selected some items from the meat counter and some veggies we could grill.

By this time it was dark. Grilling in the dark isn't as easy as it sounds. It was extremely difficult to see and you only have so many hands to hold a plate, tongs, and a flash light. We ate, probably what was one of the best meals of the weekend. Played a few rounds of cards and turned in 'early'.

After having been with Mark for a while now, you get used to certain things. I'm used to sleeping with a fan on, regardless of the temperature. He's used to me being a human space heater. When you take away the one thing making it possible for us to sleep in the same bed, it was a rough night. Neither of us could get comfortable. It wasn't until 530am that the power came back on. I'm not a 'light' sleeper, but the sound of the whole house powering back up again and appliances beeping was enough of an alarm clock. I started up the fans and tucked us back in.

We were lucky. We were able to easily pull over and ride out the storm. We were only without power for 12 hours. Compared to the two days that some people were down. We didn't have any property damage. I can't say everyone was so lucky.

POPULAR! YOU'RE GONNA BE POPULAR!

2008-06-24T08:08:00.000-07:00

"I'll teach you the proper ploys when you talk to boys. Little ways to flirt and flounce. I'll show you what shoes to wear. How to fix your hair. Everything that really counts"

Looking back on my high school years I know I wasn't popular. Our class had cliques and social groups that ran with each other. Yet, I don't think any of the groups really clashed over popularity. Everyone was kind of chill. Doing their own thing. I had (and still have) a great group of friends. I didn't feel like I had to be someone else to hang around with the jocks or the Hometown Elite. I may have felt differently back then, but I really don't think so.

I don't recall looking at the other kids and wishing I had that 'something' that they possessed that made it so they never had to worry about a date to Prom. Or never wonder where they were going to sit at during lunch.

I would say there were A-List people in school. These were typically the kids of doctors, lawyers, and business men in town. They were usually in sports and involved in all the clubs. Everyone knew their name, even if they weren't friend with them. If anything, I had a sense of healthy competition with this type of person. I didn't want to be them. I wanted to beat them.

Now look at yourself as an adult. Take a look around at your place amongst your co-workers. Cliques? Social groups? Has the FHA become the group of Soccer Moms that organize play dates for their toddlers? What about the jocks? Obviously the geeks and nerds are running the IT department or managing the whole show overall.

But more importantly, are there still "lists". Maybe it's a list just in your company or on a larger scale like your city. I'm wondering if people are still seen as A-Lists or not in your social surroundings.

It really does fascinate me. The more removed from high school I get, the more I realize that maybe things don't change as much as I thought. We just get older. Does our standing on any possible list really affect how happy we are?

Am I completely off on this?

IT'S A SUNSHINE DAY

2008-06-22T16:46:00.000-07:00

It's Pride weekend in Omaha. Which I'd love say means a lot more than it does. I just don't think that Omaha has the community to support a huge Pride event like a larger city would. It's not a 'bad' thing really. I've always felt Omaha has a BIG 'small town' feel to it. This is just part of what comes with the territory.

Some people are all about gay pride. The rallies. The paraphenalic stickers and flags. The activism. I would say I'm in the middle of the spectrum of 'pride'. I have the stickers. I'll go to the parade (when I can). I'll read about related issues in health and activism. It 'is' me, but not 'only' me. I'm gung, but not so much ho. Wait... that last part didn't sound right.

Much in the same way that the Latino community celebrates their heritage around Cinco De Mayo or even Irish around St Patrick's Day, allow me to reflect on my 'heritage'. What I appreciate about my heritage is being able to not be afraid. Maybe it's where I live. Maybe it's who my friends are. Since I've been out I can only think of one time that being gay was really an issue. It was a former place of employment. But I would never be able to prove that it was really the official issue. C'est la vie.

I'm proud to know the people I know. My first roommate, through all his own personal issues, showed me that it's ok to be exactly who you are. Fuck the haters who are too afraid to be themselves. Bold. Brazen. Overboard. I'm not as outgoing as he is, but I'm not a shrinking violet either. An amazing friend in Chicago showed me that you are never too lost to be found. Even when I was so terribly down there were still good people that care. When I was scared about what my life might be like as a gay man, a good friend showed me that being gay doesn't mean that you can't have a family. That you can have the same 'normal' life as anyone else.

As a result of the people in my life I feel I am able to be exactly who I am. I wouldn't change that for the world.

TURNING JAPANESE

2008-06-17T17:56:00.001-07:00

I'd love to say I know what's going on, but I don't...

But it has Wil Wheaton... WAIT?! Where are you going?

PORK AND BEANS

2008-06-16T18:12:00.001-07:00

This'll probably be taken down, but it's my new favorite song... and video!

GETTING TO KNOW YOU

2008-06-16T18:03:00.000-07:00

Anytime I've taken a personality test (the actual ones, not the ones that circulate the emails and blog memes) I typically come out on the border of introversion/extroversion. It depends on the time of the month, I guess.

I chose a career path where I would be dealing with people all the time. There are times when I think that I really am not cut out for dealing with people. Maybe I'm just too cranky, or I'm just solitary. Maybe I really just couldn't care less. Yet, I think everyone has moments like that. It's being able to push thru all the crap we get from people to really get to know the person themselves.

Every so often I get a reminder that I really am a student of human nature. People fascinate me. I really do have to hold back sometimes because I can be inappropriate with my questions. The problem, as I've said many times, is I dislike small talk. I'm not good at it. I may ask about the weather or how your pets are doing, but if I do, it's because I really am curious. I'm not going to ask because I have nothing better to talk about. On the same note, I'd rather ask about your father who is fighting cancer. I'd rather find out why you are terrified of storms. I'd rather know why your favorite meal is your favorite meal. I'm just curious about people.

GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM

2008-06-04T12:08:00.001-07:00

So there may or may not be aliens that have visited Earth. If this is one of them, I'd just like to say that I welcome them with open arms.

WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE

2008-05-28T16:58:00.000-07:00

Am I so naive to think that multiracial couples are even noteworthy? Granted, I get that it's in the news because Obama is a presidential candidate. But really, is it that unusual?

HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING THE GODDAMN DOOR?

2008-05-28T16:51:00.000-07:00

'Really? Are you really done with it? Because I have a hard time believing it. It's not that I think you're lying, per se. I just think that you overestimate your maturity.' That's what I think every time I hear that someone is giving up overly dramatic friends & coworkers, blogging, being socially online, or the internets in general. I find it amusing that someone well dramatically claim that they are over the drama.

The people that are really over 'it', don't announce it. The just do it. They just leave all the melodrama behind. They don't make long winded posts to all their so called friends. They don't throw themselves down on the chaise lounge in their mind and announce to a room full of coworkers that they can't take it anymore.

Have something dramatic happen? That's fine. Want to tell someone about it? Fine. But be a better story teller. Don't throw open the curtains and announce it to the world, Scarlet. People will take your seriously if you are calmer and sincere.

If you think this is about you. Don't worry about it. It's 99% likely that it's not. It's more about the incidental people I stumble across as I pass the time reading blogs or listening to coworkers droll on.

So why say something here?

*pulls up a chaise lounge and throws himself on it*

Because I can...

GREEN ACRES IS THE PLACE TO BE

2008-05-26T06:42:00.000-07:00

Quaint little Omahomo is becoming an industrialized city. But it needs your help.

Clicky!

LET'S DO THE GROOVE THING AGAIN

2008-05-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

This is several kinds of gay. And all kinds of awesome.

ROCKET MAN

2008-05-21T17:49:00.001-07:00

Did you have a bad day?

Was your day interrupted by a flying penis?

I WAS A LITTLE BIT "WHAT THE FUCK"

2008-05-19T16:35:00.000-07:00

Everyone gets spam email, but this one really caught my attention. Simple because it was just 'out there' enough to be almost normal, yet... SO not.

I presume the idea of the advertisement was to get me to sign up with the company so my website would get more traffic. In order to promote just how awesome said company is they included a set of sites that I might be interested in. These were recommended based on my "unique products and unusual internet content."

Ok I must admit the Boob Art Canvas sounds intriguing. While the Electric Bath Duck sounds like some 'device' out of the game Worms: Armageddon. But really... who can pass up a gem like a woman who breast feeds an orphaned fawn. You Tube that shit!

GOING TO THE CHAPEL

2008-05-15T17:04:00.001-07:00

Not that this probably hasn't been posted 1000 times by gays across the inkernets... but in case you missed it.

Calif. Supreme Court rejects gay marriage ban

...and in other headlines...

Gay ex-governor says he's too poor for alimony

DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ALONE

2008-05-15T16:53:00.000-07:00

I've been kind of introspective lately. So put on your waders. The water may get a little deep and choppy.

I'm going to say this, while keeping one thing in mind... It's said that the things we dislike in others are usually the things we dislike in ourselves. So if I do these things I'm about to mention, I would hope that someone will tell me so I can make sure I'm not being hypocritical about it. Now on to it...

I don't understand how people have an issue answering simple questions. I think it is probably one of the rudest things you can do. Personally. Professionally. How can you just ignore a valid question? Or a question out of concern? I would have to say it's one of my biggest pet peeves. And one of my biggest fears. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

In the working world you get questions all the time. From co-workers. From bosses. From customers. As a 'consumer', wouldn't you be upset if a store clerk completely blew you off and didn't even acknowledge that you were looking for assistance?

In your circle of friends and acquaintances, the same thing. Is it really that much effort to answer a friendly call or email? I remind myself that not everyone lives with their email on like I do. I remind myself that people have all sorts of things going on that may prevent them from getting back to me. This is not a self-centered thing. Really. I don't think of myself in some entitled way. I don't go around demanding, "you MUST answer me."

In a job, you're boss would want an answer. Your co-worker might be awaiting to know how to proceed. Your friend might be wanting to make plans and include you. Your friend might be concerned about how you are doing. At what point does courtesy go out the window? I try and take a 'reap what you sow' approach. I try and be as prompt as I can. In return I hope that people would show me the same. Like I said... if I don't do this, please point it out! I truly don't want to be hypocritical about this.

Part of the reason this bothers me so much is I don't want to be forgotten. Out of the loop. Alone.

WHOA!? Did it get personal in here? Let me explain... Roundaboutly.

When I was a little kid there was an episode of a cartoon (Dungeons & Dragons, but that is beside the point) where each of the main characters were facing their own private fear. One of the characters fear was being alone. It always stuck with me about how horrible that would be. Castaway? Horrible movie for me... I'd end up going crazy if I was trapped on a desert island.

In my personal life this doesn't mean that I can't be by myself or that I have to be around people all the time. What it does mean is that I treasure my friends. I try and cultivate relationships in order to make sure they withstand the test of time. Because the biggest way to hurt me inside is to treat me like I'm not there. Like I don't matter.

Before anyone gets to thinking. No one has personally offended me. No bosses or coworkers have wronged me. Like I started out saying... Just been a little introspective and felt like putting the proverbial pen to paper.

BYE BYE THIS HERE ANAKIN GUY

2008-05-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

If you're ever feeling down about yourself... Never fear! There is the Church of Jedi to help you through your day.

Just don't piss off "Darth Vader".

Unfortunately for Hughes, his March attack was recorded on a video camera that the cousins had set up to film themselves in a light saber battle.

"Darth Vader! Jedis!" Hughes shouted as he approached.

Hughes claimed he couldn't remember the incident, having drunk the better part of a 2 1/2-gallon box of wine beforehand.

THERE'S SOMETHING HAPPENING HERE. WHAT IT IS AIN'T EXACTLY CLEAR.

2008-05-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

Even tho his movies have been hit or miss with the public at large. I've enjoyed M Night Shyamalan's movies. Here's the rub... Apocalyptic type movies freak me out, but I can't stop watching the trailer for M's latest movie.

/cringe

YOU'RE EXTRAORNIDARY

2008-05-08T07:31:00.000-07:00

This is how I like to start off my day. Thanks Mike!

Marvel has released the new trailer for the upcoming Wolverine and the X-Men cartoon slated for a Spring, 2009 debut. As reported earlier, the new animated series will debut on Nicktoons.

Sadly, I've not regularly read a comic book in quite some time. It's amusing for me to pick one up now and see who the X-roster includes. Familiar faces? Fresh meat? Same ol' enemies?

Back in my comic book heydey, "anything with an X in the title" was the easiest way to describe what comics I read. That still is true. I've always been a Marvel fan, X-Men in particular. So the thought of a 'new' cartoon coming up brings a big smile to face.

My only issue... Can we get some 'new' story lines? In the trailer, the Government doesn't like mutants. Really? Wow...

In case you haven't read any of the comics... In case you didn't see any of the blockbuster movies... In case you didn't see any of the previous cartoon incarnations... The Government doesn't like mutants. Would it kill a writer to take one of the other major story arcs are run with it? Who cares about cannon at this point? Pick up the story wherever you feel like and run with it.

That aside... YAY 'new' X-MEN CARTOON!!!

MOTHERLESS CHILD. DON'T KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG

2008-05-06T17:04:00.001-07:00

The plight of the older sibling

This article doesn't seem like anything too surprising, but I suppose that having it suddenly 'proven' is newsworthy. The new study confirmed that amongst siblings the eldest child get the roughest go of it. While the younger siblings have it easier.

Really? Big shock...

I'm in the odd category of having siblings that didn't live with me. So I can't speak on how such a parently reign of power on the oldest siblings might have worked. My Grandparents had already raised two kids. My Dad fathered a couple kids after me. But I never was raised with any of them. So as far as the 'youngest' of the kids my grandparents raised I had it pretty easy. "Stay alive and don't fuck up" was the unofficial motto. They cared about me, but there was definite trust. Compared to my aunt and father (their children) as long as I stayed out of jail and off of drugs I was golden.

I wonder about the little quirks families have. If you've got older step-children that come in to a family do they get the rough go of it even if an older child comes into the family from a marriage? Does a bigger age gap make it easier or worse on the siblings? What about adopted kids?

I'm doing my own informal survey. I should draft a grant proposal and get paid millions of dollars to investigate it.

Are you the older sibling? Were your parents tougher on you than your siblings? Maybe you were the younger sibling who could get away with murder?

I FEEL PRETTY OH SO PRETTY

2008-05-06T17:01:00.000-07:00

An Algorithm for Mr. Right

"In June, a California judge will hear a plaintiffs' motion for class certification in a case that accuses eHarmony of discrimination against gays and lesbians. eHarmony does not reject gays—it simply doesn't accept them: the only choices on the site are "man seeking woman" or "woman seeking man." A company lawyer explains that eHarmony makes matches based on unique scientific research into what makes heterosexual unions work; it hasn't done the same kind of work on gay unions, though it doesn't rule out such research in the future. While this explanation may be true, it also sidesteps the real problem. eHarmony was founded eight years ago by a conservative Christian who had a passionate interest in the benefits of shared values in heterosexual marriage—and he sold this formula within the Christian world. (Warren was not available for comment.) Today, the company desires to reap the economies of scale offered by a mainstream clientèle, and in the wider world, shared values are not as easy to compute."

I understand a site, much like a club or organization, can dictate who it does and doesn't want in the club. Some will cry discrimination, and they may be right. I am amused how eHarmony sidesteps the discrimination issue on their site, but only have two hetero sexual based choices.

Much like surveys, websites can skew the information they gather, but only offering a limited number of choices for answers. There are the obvious assumptions that because the dating site has ties with James Dobson's Focus on the Family that they are discriminating based on sexual orientation.

What explination is given for being rejected by the site? What about the assumption that gays aren't Christians or that some aren't 'conservative'? (Which I know opens a whole can of Biblical worms.)

There is really no good answer, in my opinion. Because can you really come out and openly say you discriminate again any in particular? There would be so much backlash, no matter who it was your were discriminating against. Is it just easier to play 'dumb' and act like you didn't realize you were doing anything wrong?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2008-04-29T19:53:00.000-07:00

There are not too many people that can put up with my idiosyncrasies. I know someone who does so willing and for some reason keeps coming back for more. Not only does he make me laugh, but laughs at my jokes. He doesn't make fun of me for using cloth bags to carry my groceries home. He expands my horizons and makes sure I'm not limiting myself. He's willing to let me have a dog if I let him have a cat. I miss him when I can't fall asleep next to him. He doesn't complain about the fact that I probably snore. He lets me take pretty pretty photos of him.

Happy Birthday Mark!

HERE IT GOES AGAIN

2008-04-29T06:06:00.000-07:00

01. Are you taller than your best friend?
No

02. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
Anything that writes smoothly.

03. Look at your planner for tomorrow, what’s going on?
Work... and a VERY special birthday.

04. What color are your toe nails usually?
Au Naturale

05. What was the last thing you highlighted?
Paperwork

06. What color are the curtains in your bedroom?
Blue. Even tho they are not hanging in front of a window.

07. What color are the seats in your vehicle?
Black.

08. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
No. I had a black kitten for a day and a half.

09. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
Bills

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
No.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
For cash on hand and to pay back someone.

12. Who is the last baby that you held?
Oh God... I'm not sure. It's been a LONG time.

13. Can you spell well?
W-E-L-L yeah... you saw that one coming.

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?
No

15. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?
Nebraska Tornadoes?

16. Last time you went to Six Flags?
In Louisville, KY with my brother about 5 years ago.

17. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
Ack No...

18. Closest thing to you that is yellow?
Notepad

19. Last person you gave a business card to?
I don't have business cards.

20. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?
OPPD

21. Closest framed picture to you?
My best friend, Mike & Jen, at my birthday party.

22. Last time you had someone cook for you?
Mark cooked for me a couple weeks ago while I assembled the grill.

23. How many emails do you get in your inbox daily (excluding spam)?
4 or 5 from people I know or care about.

24. Do you play air guitar?
No. I play air drums or air piano.

25. Has anyone ever proposed to you?
Not really...

26. Do you take anything in your coffee?
White chocolate flavoring and whatever else makes it a 'mocha'

27. Do you own any Willow Tree figurines?
No

28. What is/was your high school's mascot?
Pioneer Pete

29. Last person you spoke to from high school?
Mike

30. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
At work on Sunday

31. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
I already know how.

32. What color are the blinds in your living room?
Dusty white (a.k.a. Dust AND White)

33. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
The Jumble and Suduko.

34. What was the last pageant you attended?
Beauty? Uh... never. Unless watching Little Miss Sunshine counts.

35. Where is the last place you bought pizza from?
Pizza Hut and it was disappointing.

36. Have you ever worn a crown?
Does one from Burger King count?

37. What is the last thing you stapled?
Paperwork

38. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
Probably tried it once.

39. Are you ticklish?
Certain parts at certain times

40. Last time you saw fireworks?
Fourth of July

41. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
At work a couple weeks ago.

42. Last person that im'd you, and you actually responded?
Bryan

43. Last time you parked under a carport?
Not sure I can recall when. Unless you mean some other kind of carport I'm not familiar with.

44. Do you have a black dog?
No. I have a big dawg. Does that count?

45. Are you an aunt or uncle?
Not that I know of.

46. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?
Mark, of course! And I'm not just saying that.

47. Last time you saw a semi truck?
Yesterday.

48. What is the last song you belted out in the car?
Sour Cherry by The Kills (thanks to my music sherpa)

49. Do you have a little black dress?
LOL No... My scary ass hairy white chicken drumsticks don't care for women's clothing.

50. What do you WISH your middle name was?
I LIKE my middle NAME. Tho if I WAS to name a boy I'd GIVE HIM my middle name (AS tradition holds). But I'M not opposed to SUGGESTIONS.

BEHOLD... THE POWER OF CHEESE

2008-04-24T10:05:00.000-07:00

There is something unholy, unsettling, yet delicious about an untouched block of Velveeta. I love cooking with it. I love making grilled cheese sammiches with it. It's the meltiest. It's the cheesiest. It's it's raw, untouched form, it is... how can I put this? Do you remember the opening scene from 2001 where the monkeys around all banging and jumping around the monolith? Yeah... it's like that. But tastier and not full of stars.

THE REVOLUTIONARY COSTUME FOR TODAY

2008-04-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

Here's a few funnies from a funny man. Enjoy! Decently work safe, but I can't be responsible for your laughter.

WASTIN' AWAY IN MARGARITAVILLE

2008-04-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

Mark and I joined some friends for mighty big drinks and kick ass Mexican food. Even tho I keep in touch it's been a while since we'd got together for a good meal and good conversation.

We've known each other for YEARS now. Even several jobs later we're still great friends. Tho somehow our get togehters usually involves libations.

This is us at my 25th birthday party, many years ago. Happily... drunk out of my gourd.

ROCKIN' ROBIN

2008-04-23T20:58:00.000-07:00

cris: you need twitter
Jay: So I can say "Poop is coming out now"?
cris: thank you for writing my next blog post.
Jay: You'll have to credit Gabe
Jay: I thought that's what you were talking about.
cris: oh no
cris: damn. it was funnier when i thought you said it. can we try that again?
Jay: *LOL*
cris: you need twitter.
Jay: Okay.
cris: much better.

Fish Don't Fry In The Kitchen. Beans Don't Burn On The Grill

2008-04-21T18:08:00.001-07:00

I understand that there are a lot of stereotypes when it comes to Man Vs. Woman. Women raise the children. Men are the bread winners. While a man's house is his castle, it's the woman that takes care of the house. Making sure bills are paid and rooms are kept clean. I'm not here to argue that this is right or wrong. Nor to question it's effectiveness as a modern way of living.

I'd like to add a new dimension to this. There are some tasks that fall under a certain gender to take care of. Again, let me reemphasize that I'm not condoning them, just acknowledging the existence of them. Child rearing. It is usually seen as the wife's/mother's role to raise the children. Conversely, men are seen as the repair type. The handyman around the house.

What about in same sex couples? How are things divided when there aren't gender lines to separate things? Does the person who cooked, get out of doing dishes? Are the chores separated by room? Does it even matter who does what as long as it gets done?

Discuss.

WATERLOO

2008-04-20T15:16:00.001-07:00

Going against my phobia of dolls and marionettes I couldn't stop laughing at this video.

I'M A HETEROSEXUAL MAN

2008-04-15T10:13:00.000-07:00

The hoods been up on my Jeep. The oil has been changed. Wipers has been swapped out. I did some grillin'. I even spit once. It doesn't get much butcher than that for me. I might even watch some pro sports. !?!?

SMOKE ON THE WATER

2008-04-13T17:09:00.000-07:00

I'm not quite sure... but it was a simple and quick test.

WILDFLOWERS

2008-04-08T16:43:00.000-07:00

Perhaps I'm just picky. Perhaps I'm just not satisfied. Perhaps it's a bit of professional ADHD. I highly doubt the latter. A few years ago I was in a relationship where I was severely unhappy. While trying to find a new job, a friend had told me about where she worked. It sounded like a good idea. I could work overnights. I could work longer hours, but get my hours in few days. It sounded like a great idea. At the time, the ex was having none of it, for various reasons, but that's not my point.

I ended up finding a different job. One that was admittedly very cushy. No one would try to convince you otherwise. Eventually, that job came to an end. Again my friend and I talked about where she worked. The grass certainly seemed greener. It was a job. It was good pay. It was seemingly good hours. I jumped at the chance.

I got the job. I like the pace of the job. I like my coworkers that I sit next to for 12 hours a day. Those two things right there are super important. But there are down sides. Some odd business practices. Not being able to take an official lunch break away from my desk. Being on call 2-3 days out of the month, plus coming in for meetings. The prospect of being moved to other hours or shift at any given time.

Perhaps these are common place in many companies, but it's not something I'm accustomed to at all. I'm a creature of habit. Especially when it comes to a job I like to have a routine. It keeps me on time. There are certain instabilities that just make it more stressful for me.

I shouldn't have to worry about my khakis having to many pockets and being sent home for it. I shouldn't have to feel like I'm being treated by a grade schooler. Yet I do. And this is just the tip of the iceberg for oddities.

Just a warning to anyone looking for greener pastures... They aren't always.

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE

2008-04-07T16:47:00.000-07:00

I pruchased a grill over the weekend. I'd been in the mood for some grillin' and chillin' for a while. As I've joked before, the grill is the only thing I miss about something in the past. HA! I'd been eyeing a grill at Super Target for a couple weeks now. I'm sure the security folks were starting to think that I was casing the joint.

First I was debating if I really wanted to get it. Then I was holding out til my tax refund arrived. Then I wanted to get it on a weekend I wasn't working. When Mark and I finally went to go purchase the grill, it was on sale. WOO!!

Get the thing loaded up in the Jeep and get home. Mark was making lunch. It'd be ready in about an hour. I figured that would be a good time to get the grill put together. I unloaded everything outside. My thinking being that getting it out the door might be an issue. Set it up where you want it. Seemed like sound thinking. On a sunny... windy day... instructions where blowing around. Packing material was blowing around. There were a lot of small part to be potentially lost through the wooden patio cracks. It was a hassle. So I moved it inside. Mark just looked at me with part pity, part aww... I can only imagine what he was thinking.

An hour later, lunch was ready to go and I was barely done with the assembly of the legs. Seriously? Granted part of that involved me unboxing and completely moving everything, but still. I'm not opposed to reading instructions. But I'm a visual learner. Show me how to do it or let me see a picture of how it's supposed to be and I'll reverse engineer it. Looking at the picture was helpful, but the instructions themselves were slightly vague for me. My confidence in the instructions was failing.

I was on a mission. As Mark took a post-lunch siesta, I continued to work on the grill. I had to do it. Pointing out the occasional mistake, Mark was willing to lend a hand and offer his reassurance that how I was doing it was correct.

Three and a half hours later we had a grill! I'm a person of average intelligence, but this grill almost bested me. So many little screws and parts that need to go here or there. So many pieces that eventually will come together into a machine of flame and food. And they did. The only pieces I had left over were the spare pieces that the package came with. So that's a good sign.

The only issue... My faith in how I assembled it is lacking. The part where the gasline is fed into the burner tube is bothering me. Both parts are connected to the grill in one way or another, but to each other... one is inside the other. Nothing really securing them together. My instinct tells me that if this is where gas comes from the tank and that it eventually meets ignition and flame... things would blow up?

So if I try it and I blow up... If I die, it was nice knowing all of you. If I make it, but I'm horribly disfigured... Monsters need love too.

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

PULL THE WIG DOWN FROM THE SHELF

2008-04-07T16:42:00.000-07:00

School’s cross-dressing event causes a stir

This article makes me laugh. As part of "Wacky Week" at an elementary school the students were allowed to dress up as senior citizens or as the opposite gender. The Voice of Christian Youth America were upset and spoke of their outrage on a syndicated radio program. Ok. Fair enough. I can understand why they would have an objection. Yet on the other hand... I think the reason they are upset is a bit 'bloated'. Promotes alternative lifestyles and transgenderism? Really? Ok if you say so.

For years my high school alma mater would have at least one day during Homecoming "Spirit Week" was Opposite Sex day. They also promoted Pajama Day and Crazy Hair Day. It's pretty common for all sorts of business and functions to use cross-dressing as a form of comedy. Now, do I think that someone saw Opposite Sex day as a chance to openly wear clothes that they may one day go own to wear? Probably. Do I think that in an elementary setting that anyone is making lifestyle choices? Possibly... but it's unlikely. Not impossible, just unlikely.

I'm trying really hard to stay out of the realm of "So what if they do?" but it's not easy. Are the kids really being THAT influenced, by something that is done in gest and not connected to anything sexual at all? Granted it's far from my cup of tea, but I question the effect they are saying it has.

SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE

2008-04-06T13:35:00.000-07:00

Because the world isn't strange enough sometimes...

Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table

"Art Price Jr., 40, of Bellevue, Ohio, was arrested after a neighbor videotaped him engaged sexually with the metal table, according to a report on FOX19.com."

At least it was metal... anyone thinking about splinters from a wooden table!?

THE FARMER AND THE COWMAN SHOULD BE FRIENDS

2008-04-02T16:59:00.000-07:00

Part of me thinks this is EXACTLY how horror movies start. Part of me thinks these scientists play World Of Warcraft.

WASHINGTON - British researchers say they have created embryos and stem cells using human cells and the egg cells of cows, but said such experiments would not lead to hybrid human-animal babies, or even to direct medical therapies.

...

"In my view there is no risk of making monsters this way. The biology will not work. Nor is that the intent of any of these experiments anyway, so I don't think that fear is justified,"

MY ___ IS _ BECAUSE ___.

2008-04-01T13:38:00.001-07:00

1. My username is _____ because ____.
Gotcris because at one point there was a website called "Got l33t?". I just stuck with it after that. I got tired of switching screennames.

2. My name is _____ because ______.
Cris and not Chris because in early junior high I dropped the H to feel like I wasn't my parents child and more like my own person. Long story...

3. My journal is titled ____ because ____.
The Comical Misadventures of a Rambling Mind because I think Mike and I were tossing around name ideas of webcomic that we were making. We ended up going with "Got L33t?". I took the leftover as a blog name. I think it is pretty appropriate for my state of mind.

4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.
It doesn't have a name. It's just a list. A blogroll really...

5. My userpic is ____ because ____.
It switches. It's just a random thing.

OUR HOUSE... IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR STREET

2008-03-30T17:46:00.000-07:00

I won't lie. I totally ganked this link. It's kinda fun in a SimCity sorta way.

Come visit my city! By doing so you'll make it grow.

DOES THAT MAKE ME CRAZY

2008-03-26T15:39:00.000-07:00

Thanks Bryan, for the link... Now I can add this to my list of hypochondriacal issues. I think he's calling me fat. Or crazy...

...or both!

WRAPPED UP IN YOU

2008-03-26T14:24:00.001-07:00

C'mere... SHHH!!! I've got a secret for you. I've got a knock-off recipe of PF Chang's lettuce wraps. Ok ok... so maybe it's not a HUGE secret, but there are a lot of versions of lettuce wraps out there. This one is pretty damn spot on.

Here's the scoop:

1 head of lettuce
1lb pkg of boneless skinless chicken breasts
1 pkg of button mushrooms
2 cloves of garlic
1 small onion
1 small can of water chestnuts
1 pkg of crispy rice noodles
1/2 cup soy sauce
chili paste
Chinese hot mustard

Take the chicken breasts and put them in a pot of water. Bring the water and chicken to a boil. This will cook it, keep it moist and tender. Check to make sure the chicken is done by taking one of the breasts and cutting it open. If it's still pink, let it boil for a little while longer. You can't overboil the chicken so don't worry. Once the chicken is no longer pink inside, remove the chicken from the water and let it cool. You can either food process the chicken or hand chop it into pieces. We're looking for rather small pieces. A fine dice on the chicken is the technical term, I think.

While the chicken is poaching, finely dice the onion, garlic and mushrooms. Add a few table spoons of olive oil to a skillet and brown the mixture. When the mushrooms have browned and the onions have softened add the diced chicken to the mixture and turn the heat on low to keep everything warm.

Put your soy sauce in a small bowl. I like to use two healthy spoonfuls of both the hot mustard and the chili paste. But I like it spicy. If you like it mild, just add one. You can always add more to your individual wrap.

Put the chicken mixture into a serving bowl. Dice the water chestnuts into the same size pieces as the chicken and mixture. Add to the bowl. It doesn't have to be perfect, but we're looking for everything to be generally the same size. Top with a couple handfuls of the crispy rice noodles. Toss to combine.

Remove the lettuce core. Chop the head of lettuce in half and gently peel away the first couple of layers. Separate the rest of the lettuce leaves for easy use.

You can either have the sauce on the side for everyone to add their own. (Much like PF Chang's does) or you can just pour the sauce over the chicken mixture if everyone likes it the same heat level.

Now... I feel like Rachael Ray, but... you can find chili paste and Chinese hot mustard in most major super markets anymore. If you can't you might have to find an Asian food market. I found the crispy rice noodle in the same area of the store as the French fried onions. But most likely it's in the Asian food aisle as well.

IT'S ELECTRIC - Part 2

2008-03-18T14:28:00.000-07:00

Ok. So we're into Day 5 of the Amish lifestyle. I've adjust decently considered that I worked over the weekend so I wasn't really home all day to have to entertain myself without TV. Now some may find TV just a noise box that is full of trash. Fine. I don't. I like TV. I miss TV. Even if I'm not watching it I didn't realize how much quieter the place is without it. Sure I've still got my computer and thus music and can watch some shows online. Which I have been doing... But The Food Network or Discovery Channel was a staple on my days off during the afternoon. I miss Paula Deen's laugh. I miss Mike Rowe and The Mythbusters (which would be an awesome band name).

Here's the latest on Surgegate. OPPD is claiming responsibility for the incident. This is what I'm hearing from the apartment manager. She told me that several residents reported losing items. Even the complex itself took a hit losing such things as stoves and refrigerators. One person reported losing a plasma TV. I'm significantly bummed and pissed off, but a fancy plasma TV going down the drain would make me call forth the fires of Hell.

Now... all I have to do is file a claim. Which means filling out a form. Which means getting a hold of the guy who handles this. Which means getting him to call me back. So far no luck. I've left him messages. He's called once, but I was at work in a 'no cell phone' environment. I couldn't do much at the time and called back as soon as I could.

My hopes, while still dashed that I lost all this stuff, are a bit better for getting it replaced. Mark and I have even done a bit of dreaming about a new TV. Obviously I won't get an upgrade from OPPD, but it will certainly help towards a new nicer one. One that doesn't weigh 80 pounds. Seriously... how did I end up with all heavy shit when it came time to move?

IT'S ELECTRIC!!

2008-03-16T18:15:00.000-07:00

Some may dispute this, but I don't really believe that I am a drama king. I may have dramatic things that happen, but I rarely feel that I harp on them for days upon days til everyone is sick of hearing about them.

Having said that... Expect to hear a lot of whining, bitching, and complaining about this.

On Thursday I had a note on my door from the apartment complex that said OPPD (power company) was coming to replace a transformer and the power would be out from 930a to 1p on Friday. No problem. I'd be at work then and Mark wouldn't be here yet. So all should be good.

I come home at 6p to find the power still out. As we're deciding what to do. A brief flicker of power gives me hope that things are back to normal. Alas, no... Mark and I decide to go out for dinner rather than bring back fast food. Getting back from dinner around 830p the power is STILL out... I don't know what time they arrived at the apartment, but it worries me that it's STILL out. I usually am in bed around 1030p on a night that I work. So the idea of no alarm clock or my alarm clock losing power in the middle of the night bothered me.

At 10 the power finally came on. But not all of my things come back to life. The computer starts up. The ceiling fan starts to spin. A bedroom light comes on. My cable box didn't start up. My stereo's clock didn't start blinking 12:00. I'm confused and a bit worried. I go upstairs to shut off the light and notice my alarm clock is also out. I try it in several outlets and it doesn't work. Yet the outlest themselves DO work. This isn't looking good. I'm afraid to even test the TV.

I call OPPD and report an issue. The phone jockey says that it sounds like either the breakers might have a short or that it is an internal problem and to contact my apartment maintenance. By this time I'm thinking... if maintenance comes it'll be late and I need sleep before work. I'll deal with it in the morning.

I call in the morning and they come to look at the outlets. I was at work, but Mark relayed the news I was afraid to hear. There was a power surge and I've lost some electronics. My alarm clock, 2 stereo, VCR, cable box, and TV have all gone the way of the dodo. I'm pissed... Hot pissed. But I can't do much at work. I couldn't wait in the 10-15 minute phone queue while at work.

So I call OPPD on the way home. They tell me that it's their policy that they don't take responsibility for power surges. In one of my more forceful ways I explain that if it was an 'act of God' I could understand, but when it is due to work that was being done by their company they will be taking responsibility. No question about this... The guy (who I swear is the same one from the previous call the night before) gives me the Claims Department number. I call and leave a tersely (as terse as I could) worded message. I also left a message on their customer relations line. Both of which only maintain regular business hours. Of course.... God forbid they have customers on the weekends who might have an issue. But I digress...

So this is where we stand right now.

I don't have a TV. I luckily still have a computer and my cell phone wasn't affected. I might end up workign tomorrow, but in the meantime of not working I plan on being on the phone with OPPD getting someone who will replace my lost electronics. I'm under the impression that I'm not the only one in the building who lost things. So I'm hoping they also file claims.

I'll keep you all updated.

And here I didn't think I had much to talk about a couple days ago and hadn't posted in a while.

In related news, I gotta thank Mark through all of this. On the weekends that I work he hangs out here. And usually there is enough saved programs to watch on the DVR to keep him entertained while I'm gone. I'm sure Saturday was pretty nerve wracking. No TV. Couldn't use the PS2 or watch a movie. I expected to come home and find that he'd wrapped himself in the tin foil to keep the spy beams from watching. Instead I find him making a nacho casserole.

DUDE... this is awesome! Seriously tasty stuff.

Not too mention he fielded questions from the apartment maintenance as well. Thanks hon! I TRULY appreciate it.

UNDER PRESSURE

2008-03-12T17:51:00.000-07:00

My job is stressing me the fuck out... There are days that I realize that I asked for this. Some days, I realize that I could have done better. Everyday, I realize that I can. One day, I will.