So it's Halloween. A time to dress up and pretend to be someone else. Who do you want to be? Someone different? Someone funnier? Happier? Someone more free-spirited? It's one night to act up (or out) a bit under the guise of a costume.
It can be sorta freeing...
That being said, don't read to much into this next part.
Halloween has brought up an interesting insight to my personality. I was probably aware of it, but never really gave it a whole lot of thought til now. Halloween brings up some insecurities that I have. While I can be outgoing once a person gets to know me. I still have my moments of shyness.
This is how it played out. We were allowed to wear costumes at work. I gave it a lot of thought. What would I wear? I have an Indiana Jones hat and whip that I could use as a costume. Maybe I could be a pirate. All I'd need is a hat and eye patch. Plus I could dress down a little bit if I did. Which, really... that's all I was looking for was a wear to dress down a little bit.
I went to a local store that has a wide selection of costumes. Of course everything was picked over. Not that I am surprised. Even then, as I was looking at costume I started feeling like I really didn't want to dress up. My main thought? What if no one else dressed up and I was the only one?
In the end I decided against wearing anything. Of course when I got to work I immediately wished I would've done something. Is it a big deal? No, of course not. But when you look a little more globally I do this sorta thing other times too.
When it's just me... If I go to a party, I like to be a little late. Nothing dramatic or 'fashionable', but just a couple minutes past the time. This is so I can see that the party is actually going on and that I'm at the right place. I wouldn't want to be there at the wrong day or time. In the past, I've been that way for dates too. Just to make sure that I'm at the right place.
Typically this is because I don't want to be the only one sitting there. It's an embarrassment thing. No one enjoys being embarrassed. Granted you have to care what people think to be embarrassed. The level of how much I care comes and goes depending on the situation.
Who do I want to be for Halloween? Someone who doesn't care about what people think. Easier said than done.
I posted this @ 10/31/2007 05:04:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
SAY SAY SAY
Now... contrary to popular belief I am not an unfriendly person. I may be slow to warm up to people, but overall I'm not unfriendly.
But his was put to the test a few times today. I was running a few errands this morning. At the drug store the pharmacist commented on liking my shirt. Now, it's just a regular orange t-shirt that says "Surf" on it. It's a little ratty at the neck line. Stacey & Clinton wouldn't approve. I was having an issue getting my new insurance card to work. I know that I wasn't quite paying attention, but I think the comment just caught me off guard enough that I really didn't say anything. As I was leaving I questioned why even say anything to begin with.
At another store, as the cashier was ringing me up he laughed to himself. I'm swiping my card and he hands me a Christmas card. "We're trying something new this year." I take the card. Read it. It's about how Santa is on a low carb diet and doesn't want cookies this year. There was a LOT of reading and I just skimmed it. The cashier was laughing his ass off. I gave a sympathy laugh, but at the same time I'm thinking, "Is he giving me the card for free? Is he just sharing something funny with me?" I handed the card back and walked out.
So, again, I'm not unfriendly. I'm just jaded and squinty. ...especially with overly friendly people. ...especially when I've only been up a few hours.
I posted this @ 10/30/2007 11:14:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR
When one has irrational fears (phobias, if you will) it only seems right to take every opportunity to thoroughly freak the hell out of them be exposing that person to the object of their terror. I received these photos by mail from my best friend while at his job.
So much for sleep. Another night bathed in sweat...
I posted this @ 10/29/2007 07:42:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
SHAME ON YOU
Going to get my oil changed is always a test of my morals and ethics. They get you in there. Put in a more expensive kind of oil before they even ask you what you want. Then they hit you up with the list of things wrong with your vehicle and tell you how happy they'd be to fix them.
Ok... now, this time it wasn't really a LIST, per se. My car is only a little over a year old. So there isn't a whole lot going wrong. Yet as they are going down the list of things that need to be attended to I'm telling the guy that I can take care of it later or do it myself.
What!? Do it myself?! Now, my car maintenance abilities extend to keeping fluids in my car. That's it. The removal of said fluids or exchange of parts is a bit more unknown to me. Yet in that fleeting moment, I've convinced myself that I know what kind of air filter I'd need to buy to replace my current one. As well as where I could find it under the hood of my Jeep.
I'm surprised someone doesn't find me with my pants on fire and hanging from a telephone wire, with all the lying.
I'm still riding high on my lie. I came in to Jiffy Lube to get an oil change. That right there is a clue to them that I don't know Jack about car repair. But heck... I'll do the other things myself. I just don't like oil changes?
If you need me I'll be looking of general car repair online or looking to order some Time-Life book series on how to DIY.
I posted this @ 10/25/2007 08:24:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
...AND ALL THE WORLD WILL LOVE YOU, JUST AS LONG AS YOU ARE
So as you can imagine the new job has been on my mind lately. It's been a little over a week since I've been on my own taking my own calls. Which is to say, no trainer sitting with me. But I do have plenty of people around me that I can ask questions of. This is good. I've been getting quite a few compliments as far as how well I am doing. The only issue is I'm not sure how justified or sincere they are.
Scratch that. I don't question the sincerity in most cases. But it's like this... I know I'm new. I know that I make mistakes. Compared to those that have been there longer than me, I have no clue what I'm doing. Which is fine. I know that comes with time. But when someone says I'm doing well.. I don't know how to take it. Because I don't have anything to really compare it to. So the compliment is lost on me.
Now Brenda... I know you probably have $.02 in on this. And do know that blogging about anything on my mind work related is kind of odd since I know you both in and out of work. Plus... don't read this at work. :P
But really... I wonder how much of it is, just being nice to the new guy, and how much of it is sincere. I don't really have a good read on the situation and all the people yet to determine how much I can believe what they are saying.
Personally? I feel that very comfortable talking to Doctors who have their various issues and egos. I have no problem grabbing the bull by the horns and saying this is what I need to do to take charge. No whether when I do that, it's the right course of action... Well... that's still up in the air. But I'm not timid to do so at least.
All I have that I could compare to are the other people that went through training with me and I don't work the same shift as them.
While, it's nice to hear that you did a good job... I feels... odd at this point.
I posted this @ 10/23/2007 05:33:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
HOME ON THE RANGE
My neighbor and I have developed a game. It's a game that anyone can play. All you need is a neighbor who has recently moved and a new neighbor who has recently moved in.
Here's how the game is played.
Step 1: Your old neighbor must eave a few random belongings outside his old apartment. These objects must be random enough that anyone who comes across them might think they belong to someone or that they are meant to be there. (example: a greasy doormat)
Step 2: Your new neighbor must find these left behind objects, and have no personal use for them. (example: a greasy doormat)
Step 3: Your new neighbor must put them in front of your door as they he thinks the belong to you and somehow blew in front of his door. (example: a greasy doormat)
Step 4: You then put the object back in front of his door. Sure, it's not his. But it's not yours either.
Step 5: Repeat Step 4 until one of you gets tired of the game and tosses it over the balcony for the groundskeepers to pick it up or toss it in front of someone else's door.
I posted this @ 10/21/2007 11:26:00 AM.............Need a link?..........
I CANNOT CONTROL YOU WITH A SMILE
I like photography. I don't do enough of it. I don't know enough about it to do anything technical. While I certainly have enough photos of me in front of the camera, I must admit enjoying being behind the lens. This is why...
Whereas Mark looks handsomely adorable... I look crazed!! But I do appreciate the soft focus.
I posted this @ 10/18/2007 08:03:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
EVERYBODY STOP, CHILDREN, WHAT'S THAT SOUND
Ok... I know I'm opening up a huge can of worms on this one. So let me preface with this. I wouldn't last two minutes in boot camp of any kind and certainly couldn't bring myself to actually point a gun at someone and possibly shoot them. I can't even imagine what it must be like for soldiers. I am glad there are men and women willing to serve in the military. It is tragic that people have to die for their country. They serve by choice and more power to them, for being brave enough to do so. Their bravery I salute. Regardless of my feelings about war or Bush... I am not anti-military!
Basically put, Capt. Brown graduated from West Point. Went overseas to serve in Iraq. It was there, upon studying scripture and solidifying his beliefs that he asked for a honorable discharge as a conscientious objector. Since being granted his discharge he has decided to go into seminary school.
It seems like a fine gray line that a person would stand on either side of. Currently there is no mandatory military service required. Let's say, for whatever reason, that I joined the military. After boot camp, and being assigned to serve somewhere, I decide that the military is not for me. I can't do it. Would I be allowed to be discharged honorably? I'm agnostic as far as religious classifications go. So I couldn't say it was because of my faith. I'm not even playing with the gay card.
What makes one situation ok and the other not?
Now before anyone gets seriously bent out of shape... go back and read that first paragraph. I'm honestly not digging on anyone. I'm simply curious how one set of circumstances can be justified and another frowned upon?
I posted this @ 10/10/2007 07:32:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
THERE'S SOMETHING HAPPENING HERE*
I read this today and it kind of boggled my mind. (Please... hold your "easy to do" jokes to do til you read it yourself).
"Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo" is a grammatically correct sentence!
From this Wikipedia article: The sentence is unpunctuated and uses three different readings of the word "buffalo". In order of their first use, these are 1. The city of Buffalo, New York (or any other place named "Buffalo", which is used as an adjective in the sentence and is followed by the animal; 2. The animal buffalo, in the plural (equivalent to "buffaloes"), in order to avoid articles and is used as a noun; 3. The verb "buffalo" meaning to bully, confuse, deceive, or intimidate.
It may be revealing to read the sentence replacing all instances of the animal buffalo with "people" and the verb buffalo with "intimidate". The sentence then reads "Buffalo people [that] Buffalo people intimidate [also happen to] intimidate Buffalo people".
I posted this @ 10/10/2007 12:34:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
IN YOUR EYES
There are times when I'll stop and look at someone who I've known for a long time and suddenly it's like I'm seeing them for the first time. Like they are strangers. But familiar strangers. Friendly familiar strangers.
Sometimes something happens and you suddenly see someone in a light that you never had before. Maybe it's good. Hopefully it's not bad. For me, at least, it's never too shocking so much as it is just surreal. Maybe someone who was very straight laced suddenly cuts loose. Perhaps, it's the jokester that suddenly is having serious conversations with you. Conversely, it might be someone you trusted no longer being in your close confidence.
Mark and I had dinner with some good friends of mine. I've known them for years. I'm more friends with Z than J. Only because I worked with Z for years. There was one point in the evening that I looked at J as he was discussing something very grown-up. Very deep. It was right then that I saw him as more than the Good Times Guy that I'd known him as. Here he is talking about education and kids. In between asking us if we wanted another beer. So... it wasn't a 'total' change.
It was a great evening. It was just very interesting to me as a student of human nature to see the natural progression (evolution?) of someone.
I posted this @ 10/08/2007 05:12:00 PM.............Need a link?..........
THAT'S NOT MY NAME
Every so often I like to take a look at how people found my blog. Sound of the searches I can figure out pretty easily.
For example, I always know when Elektra has been on some channel, but I get a lot of people searching for Kimagori. Without looking I believe it was the name of one of the bad guys. But I think it also has meaning other than that. Sorry I didn't help define it for you.
Steve Poltz, Jeep Ad, "you remind me", "ink blot world"... are all big searches because of a recent Jeep add featuring his song You Remind Me. It's a great song. This one I at least helped with by having a link to a website.
Anything "comical" or a "misadventure" of some kind are big searches for obvious reasons. But every so often I get a unusual search. And I wonder how the fuck did that bring someone to MY homepage.
"What to do with an incorrigible teenager?" - Might I suggest beatings. And lots of 'em! Unfortunately that search too them to the entry where i tried my hand at recapping movies.
"Questioning a suicidal caller." - Wow... well I didn't that for 5 years. But I'm not sure that's something I want to know how to do via the web. Plus, is this someone on the questionER or questionEE side of the call?
"Gay VW commercial music" - I'm not sure... I talk about music from commercials a lot, but gay?
"you're the inspiration dance" - Ok, I know what *I* was talking about when I wrote about this, but not sure what inspiration dance someone else might have been looking for. I hope it doesn't even flapping your arms like a chicken or clench your stomach and/or ass like you have some sort of gastro intestinal issue. Thank you Pepto Bismal for that...
Oh... btw! If you're still getting to this website via www.gotl33t.com/gotcris you might want to update your bookmarks. It's been a couple years now. :P
I could go on about how even an hour away is a long-term relationship. But I know people who have harder situations. So I'll keep my mouth shut on that one.
What I will say tho is that there was something pretty damned special knowing that he'd be there when I got off work. It really got me through the day on Saturday, after working twelve hours. I love you for that, you know. :-* :x >:D<
Ok, ok, ok...
On Friday Mark and I went to The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. Which is my first 'actual' Broadway show. Touring... but still Broadway, compared to local theater where I learned to feel bad about my penis or question why someone wrote a song about pee.
I was really excited to see this show. I'd been listening to the music for a LONG time... a few songs in particular. One of them being The I Love You Song.
A little set up about this show and this song in particular. The show is very interactive with the audience. Each show there are several volunteers that get up on stage and take their turn spelling with the 'kids' in the spelling bee. There is a lot of improv that happens as a result of having new people on stage each night.
Overall the show focuses on these six competitors and the personal issues they face as a result of being in the spelling bee. The need to be perfect at everything. Pressure from parents to win at any cost. Parents who are neglectful of what's important to their kids. Not feeling like you are as smart as other kids. It's not really a downer tho. You really feel for these characters, but they make you smile. The make you laugh through the tears as they each come to terms with their situations. In a way it reminds me a LOT of The Breakfast Club. Each of these kids knows that they have problems just like anyone else and that really... in a way, they are all winners.
The I Love You Song was one of the first that Mark turned me on to. So in that respect alone it makes me think of him a lot anyway. Then when you listen to the lyrics and really understand how sad this girl is... well... when I saw it on stage... I was a mess. I knew it was coming. I'd been emotional all week anyway like I said and that was just the home run for me.
So let's have something chipper now. I can't take much more of the weepy stuff. I'm spent. :P